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Should I tell her husband?
(60 Posts)I am 57 years young . Married 28 years , kids both settled so no worries there . Four years ago I found sex texts & naked pictures of my husbands hairdresser on his phone . I confronted him . He said it was all a joke & swore he wouldn’t see her again . 6 months later I was suspicious & paid a P I to follow him . He was caught sneaking into the back door of her salon after the shop closed . I went to see her & she said they were friends & just chatting .he said the same .I stupidly thought my marriage was worth saving & listened to his promises . Two years ago I found one text on his phone from her it said “in a heart beat “ he said she had text him out if the blue & he had replied & that was her answer . The reply never matched his explanation. I went to see her & said I would tell her husband & she told me it was him , that he was stalking her & she was frightened to be in the shop alone any more & had told her husband & the police . I told my husband & he was horrified & it seemed to stop . Until the Xmas holidays . He let me out find my phone in his phone but I think he must have forgotten. He kept going to work in the holidays & I checked & he was going to a flat in town. . PI followed him & filmed him with her . I confronted him & he denied it was her but said he needed space so had rented a flat & was leaving me . I think he has had the flat for months . She closed her salon & they had no where to go . I caught them last Monday coming out of the flat . He is begging me not to tell her husband ( they have 16 & 19 yr old kids). I feel so bad & don’t want to ruin anyone’s life but I really want to tell him . My husband said why would I tell her husband when it’s just a friend ship . I think even if it is just a friend ship that he should know about it . After all my evidence shows boundaries were crossed with texts & pictures. There is also a lot more info I have but I have already made thus post far too long . Thanks for reading , advice needed please ladies . Should I tell her man ?
Just stop being a doormat, see a solicitor (surely if you can afford a PI you can afford a solicitor) and chuck him out. Four years! Jeez. I’m sorry but surely there is a limit to how long you can behave like this. Unless you are making it all up.
I’m private message u
Why would this be fake?
GrannyTracey isn't new here.
Please GrannyTracey believe what your good "real life" friends are saying and stop hoping that he will be faithful. He clearly can't give this woman up. It has been going on too long now and you have "heard it all".
Get a solicitor to explain what your options are regarding finances and unless you feel you want to live like this for potentially 30 years more, end it now whilst you are feeling motivated to look after yourself.
You should tell your children why in a measured non-vindictive way and I believe they will support you.
Tell them you have discussed it with him and he has been promising to change for four years. You have been patience itself!
Now he has a flat. It is coming out of your joint funding. This implies he/you can afford two homes.
Talk to a solicitor.
You can be free of this hurt.
Good luck.
They sound as if they are made for each other - bare-faced liars and cheats.
You sound too kind and decent to be putting up with this sort of behaviour. I agree that you should get a good solicitor and end the relationship immediately. If your children ask what has happened, tell them.
I would be so furious and so tempted to tell the husband but I suppose the more noble thing to do is to keep it to yourself.
He should have been kicked out a long time ago, as for telling her husband, in the heat of the moment I would have done but after 4 yrs the pain would be dull and I wouldn’t bother.
My goodness, what a mess & you've endured for all those years? Why? Don't lower your dignity by sharing what you know with the other husband. You'll probably not gain anything.
In your shoes I'd calmly go about gathering financial information, pension funds etc & see a solicitor. Life is too short to mess around with anything but getting out of this disrespectful situation.
Feel the fear and do it anyway but stay clinically cool, collected and dignified. Don't lower yourself.
Having been in a similar situation some years ago - long marriage, husband having affairs, me finding out, him promising to change, me believing him, him carrying on - I divorced him. Hindsight has shown me he already had a plan, which was why he agreed to much less than a 50/50 split. He went off with yet another woman - same age, unmarried, no kids (perfect scenario for him), married her shortly after our divorce was finalised, persuaded her to sell her house and they moved to another county. I hear he’s spending his share of the divorce settlement on kitting out their new home. He was in a lot of debt when he left our marriage; I truly believe he did what he did for financial reasons. Anyway, my advice to you is get rid of your cheating spouse, don’t give a second thought to his girlfriend’s husband, and start living your own life. I have sometimes wondered whether I should let my ex’s new (third) wife know what he’s really like but I suspect she’d say it was sour grapes on my part and wouldn’t believe me. She has to find out the truth on her own.
Why would your husband beg you not to tell her husband? What is your husband afraid of?
Maybe neither the hairdresser nor your husband want to divorce because of the dreaded expense to both of them of divorce.
Pay no attention to your husband's emotional blackmail regarding the hairdresser's children; they are young adults.
You need to protect your own financial interests . Make sure of what you think you own , for instance is the house in both your names?
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