Red flag/Dealbreaker

I would wait and see him again just the once to get back what he owes you. After getting home then let him know that you have decided to stay single (or at least elude that to him.)

I would wait til Monday to see if he actually does give it back. When/if he does you can make a point of saying that you actually to go by the old saying 'Neither a lender nor borrower be' but felt sorry for him on that occasion. Then tell him you won't lend to him again as you stand by that mantra! Then see if he's still keen? If yes, then maybe it was a one off. If no, then goodbye to tatty rubbish!! But don't let one (possibly) lousy bloke put you off!

Why would you go out on a date with no money?? You wouldn’t if you were genuine would you. Either that or he’s plain scatty

Get rid... I would meet up just the once though to get your money back. Cheeky so and so......

It’s possible he has done this before with other women and just moves on when they suss him out. Red flag. Sorry he’s done this to you.

This could be the start of borrowing requests and he was testing the water for further requests and has put you in an awkward position. Sounds like my late BIL, he would ask everybody for money and never paid it back, he came out with elaborate stories. I would take it as a warning sign and be on your guard, should he ask again say NO. But I would certainly say goodbye to him. I could never ask anyone to lend me money, if I can’t afford it I don’t have it, simple! N’er a lender nor a borrower be.

Never date a man who asks to borrow money. When I was much younger, I learned a similar £30 lesson!

Block, delete and move on.

It’s a tricky one! It does sound like he’s softened you up with pleasant phone calls and video chats to build a relationship. His request for a small loan on first meeting sounds like a test to me but very suspicious for many reasons already discussed here. Think you should steer clear before the big sob story! Maybe Google him

I’ve done a lot of online dating and this behaviour would have alarm bells ringing and red flags a-waving. Sorry haven’t read whole thread but if you haven’t already done so, end it immediately and consider yourself fortunate not to have wasted another second on such a waste of space. Do carry on with the online dating though, you might have to kiss a lot of frogs!

I lost my job in covid (got another one now) I was struggling but wouldn’t have asked a soul for money and certainly not a Stanger. If he had no money, he should have said I can’t meet you this week if you can’t afford it don’t go.
Whether or not he is only in it for the money I find this alarming as he didn’t respect boundaries of a first date and he took advantage by putting you on the spot after asking you a very person question.
We are being made aware of romantic fraudsters and weather this guy is one or not I would personally run a mile.
Not to mention being furloughed still gives you access to 80% of your wages!!

wheather or not, darn spell check

Test

So just a wee update...

I hadn’t gotten round to letting this guy know I was cancelling tomorrow’s meet up however in the last half hour he has sent me a text asking if I could lend him another £30 until the end of the month as him and his dog have not eaten since Friday morning and he apparently can’t get a hold of any friends or relatives! He has been told a def no and promptly blocked and deleted.

I can’t believe I spent 5/6 hours on Friday with this guy and feeling like I’d had such a lovely time.

Thankfully I was very careful with details I gave him and where we went but I am feeling slightly shocked to say the least.

Thankyou to everyone for responding to my post and hope it’s a good warning to anyone else who ever faces anything similar x

Oh that's awful !

Thank goodness you kept personal details from him.
What a chancer he was.

not one tiny bit surprised ile, but very sympathetic. also very pleased you protected yourself by keeping personal details to yourself.
if you feel up to it, and if it's a landline number you have, might be worth giving it to the police. but guessing you also feel quite violated, so may not feel up to dealing with police.
anyway, i'm glad you're safe and well

What a lucky escape you have had.
He sounds practiced in this type of deception by trying to garner sympathy with the thought of his unfed dog (which may or may not exist)

JenniferEccles The dog definitely existed as he brought it on the couple walks we went. Def didn’t look like it ever starved tho lol!

I’ve 100% dodged a bullet and he has been politely told where to go before I blocked him on everything.

It’s just crazy how fake some people can be. Certain people should seriously come with a warning stamped on them and I just hope whoever else he’s trying it on with see through him too. Clearly has no pride or dignity.

He was testing to see how responsive you are to becoming one of his 'victims' I bet he is dating many other women and sponging off them too. It could be a game for him to see how far he can push women, or it could be supporting a gambling or alcohol addiction. Report him to the dating site, he's looking to defraud women not looking for love,

What’s interesting is that you actually met him OP. Most of these fraudsters never actually meet their “prey”. Anyway, so glad it didn’t go any further and hope it hasn’t put you off trying to meet someone. I’m thinking about doing online dating again and wondering which is the best site. May I ask which one/s you’re on and how old you are (I’m 63). All the best.

At the risk of coming across as a ‘gold digger’, if he were at all ‘genuine’, which obviously he isn’t, who on earth would be interested in someone with so little money that he couldn’t feed himself and his dog?

MaggieTulliver That’s the scary thing. I met up with him only after talking to him quite a lot via FaceTime and WhatsApp messages for 2/3 weeks first and he seemed completely normal, nice and chatty. When we walked I felt safe and comfy and has really enjoyed it so it really took me aback. Even when he asked how I was for money it never entered my head he was about to ask for some. He was clearly just trying to gain my trust.

The site was Pof which I know isn’t that highly rated but I had previously joined Match and paid a subscription thinking it would wheedle certain kinds out. Totally wrong! I still got messages from all sorts asking for no more than discreet NSA! No ta! That was the only reason I dabbled on this one but I’ve taken both profiles off now. I’m 46 so hopefully some time yet. It won’t put me off but I’m not in a major hurry just now. As others have suggested places like walking groups etc may be a better idea for meeting like minded folk more naturally. Good luck!

Calendargirl Exactly! It’s almost an insult he’d think I’d be interested in that. I’m not materialistic or money focussed but I’m also not desperate and do not need that! So unattractive!

Many years ago I had a dinner date with a man I met online dating site. He seemed normal and pleasant chatting on the phone but in the restaurant he was bombastic and boring. When the waiter asked us if we would like a dessert he answered " she doesn't do sweets ! " Yes she does but didn't order one as was eager to get away from him.
When the bill came he said as he had paid petrol to drive to my town I should pay the bill !
I did pay as it seemed a small price to escape from him !

This is a red flag for a con man. Ditch him now. Block his number. Thank goodness you found out so early.

Gut instinct to the fore ILE35!

So glad it's a good clear cut result that you can put down to experience and move on from without ever having to look back and wonder. I'm sure I speak for many of us when I say I've learnt a lot from it too! Thank you for sharing and for coming back to keep us updated.

I may be wrong but I suspect he was testing you to see if you were easy going with money. I think I would be very wary.