Red flag/Dealbreaker

If you said you only use cards I wonder what he would have done! Say goodbye to your money and to him. Enjoy your life without this kind of person. Lesson learned!

call it a 20 quid lesson and cut all contact.

Thanks so much everyone. I honestly didn’t expect to get such a huge response! I think I knew deep down what I needed to do but wanted to know what others would do.

I genuinely was caught so off guard as had had a really nice time. The plan was we were going to go for a coffee but as we had walked so long and in an area where there was literally no place open until we got back to our cars that that never happened and after I’d given him the money there was no way I was suggesting one as felt I’d prob be left paying. As I was needing to get home for my granddaughter I was able to say it was time for me to go. I think I was so gobsmacked and it was only after getting home and sleeping on it I feel cringey and embarrassed for him but really put off and unattracted now aswell. There is no going back on how I feel I don’t think. I’m slightly disappointed as he did seem nice but going to go with my gut and everyone’s advice has helped me to just do that. It won’t put me off dating but I will just continue to enjoy my own company again for a while and that of my friends and family.

NO! NO! That was bad form on his part .....
Run a mile. Dump him.

Everyone has credit cards

No they don't

If you think about it, if you were in nee where would you go first? Family? Friends? Or someone you barely know? I suspect that you will be hearing from him again.

Did you see the Loose Women episode with the woman who was scammed out of thousands of pounds? It began with lending him £20.

Regard it as a payment for a lesson learnt.

Yes, you've had a lucky escape. I agree the person above who said you were being groomed.
Don't let it put you off though. I'm sure there is someone out there who would love to walk, talk, buy you a coffee and manage to get home all by himself. Just a case of sieving through the nobs! Lol.
Good luck!

Your instincts are correct To those saying no one uses cash my husband and I do and we don't have credit cards either We are financially stable but don't hold with credit

Is there a way of reporting his behaviour to the dating site?
I would be surprised if you were the first lady he's conned and I doubt if you'll be the last.
Someone else might not be so astute as you ☹️

this is a very interesting thread, and could alternatively have been called how spam-savvy are you? tbh my alarm bells started ringing way before the £20, i was getting nervous at, "interested in similar things to myself". that might sound ridiculous to some, but it's what scammers do first. they establish a rapport, so that you think you've got things in common. but anyone can say they like walking/music/etc. and then just stick with the ones you also say.
still could have been genuine? of course he could. and if he said he'd realised he'd left his wallet at home then big red flag but still maybe. but "are you wealthy enough to be worth more grooming?" (aka "how are you for money?") ... NO!!
and as to giving him an option to pay you back ... again NO. would mean giving him your address or bank details. or a friend's address and risking them?
a good walk and chat has cost you £20. everything's crazy in lockdown anyway. you've got off lightly.
enjoy your time, and keep an open mind if someone arrives naturally in your life who's company you can genuinely enjoy.
good luck and best wishes

The only time a guy asked me for money was when I was 18. He asked me again. We eventually married, it was horrible. Divorced in less than 2 years. There is no reason whatsoever that a man should ask you for money. The fact it was 20 was even more disturbing. Tell him to keep it and call it a day.

Have you watched For love or money on Bbc iplayer. It is all about romance scams and your experience sounds like how some of them began.

Riggie, and GrauntyHelen,
i don't have credit cards, but i do have two debit cards and wouldn't go out without some cash and a debit card.
it's more hygienic at the moment to wave a card rather than handle money back and forth.

Ha he would have a hard job getting cash from me I've only ever got about 50p in change in my bag. I can't remember the last time I carried any amount of cash ?

How disappointing after getting on so well, he asked you for money. If you carry on seeing him, £20 loan will start to escalate to much more. Get out quick and have nothing more to do with him.

ILE35.. I'd feel a bit insulted that he thought it was okay to ask for money. And if he only wanted £20, it's shows he must have no money whatsoever at the moment, he's obviously not very good budgeting what would've happened if you bought a coffee or something,? You would have been expected to pay for them both.
Be careful ILE35, don't fall into being guilt tripped for your money. The choice is yours, but exercise caution if you like him, but don't get in so deep you feel trapped. Not until you truly know him. Trust your instincts, they're there to protect you.

Sorry, but probably moved onto the next date and asked the same. A nice little earner!

Ditch him. You should never go out with a man who has financial problems. They just drag you down, in fact some men use women as meal tickets. How many times have women been scammed in this online dating.

Definitely call it a day
A scammer on Twitter who was charming and seemed to be lovely was getting my attention and she asked for money. I kept saying NO, That it was not my responsibility to help her and that I was sure that she had friends who could help her. She tried the emotional language but I did not respond. Kept gently and firmly saying no - Eventually I blocked her And this was a 30s woman who was attractive

This guy is a con-artist. Next time, you will sale your property. How many women out there have lost everything by funding these scumbags ? Kiss your £20

Totally agree with all the previous suspicious posters, I think the ask for £20 was just a toe in the water and a test for milking you for much more further down the line. Cut and run now. Even if he insists in paying you back, which he should anyway!

'RIGGIE' for you I shall rephrase my comment and say "most adults have a credit card".

If this guy has got your phone number, I'd be changing it asap - you need to make sure that he has no way of contacting you again in the future.

£20 down the drain - but a lesson well learned!

Best of luck for the future - I'd concentrating on meeting 'people in general' and seeing if a friendship with somebody of similar interests (Charity Work, Politics, Music, Amateur Dramatics, Gardening, Church etc) develops into anything further - without the expectation of a relationship from the outset.

There would have been no way I’d have given him the £20 in the first place , no matter how well we got on or how nice he appeared to be . Internet/romance scammers are all over the news these days , even the dating site Plenty of Fish warn you of scammers , of dates asking for money ect ect , you really need to have your head screwed on the right way and be on your guard when on a date .
I would have run for the hills in the first instance and blocked his number on the way .