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Can't understand best friend's thinking

(32 Posts)
Susysue Sat 01-May-21 13:26:03

Hi all you lovely ladies. Some of you will have read my previous post "another failed marriage" and I am humbled by all your support. Well another curve ball of hurt has been thrown my way by my best friend, who is also the one friend who knows most about my marital situation, so her actions are even more hurtful and my head is bursting!! The other evening she stormed round to my house, my husband went to the door. I was waiting for her to come in but she didn't. Next thing my husband and her disappear in her car. I wasn't panicked at that point as her and her husband have serious problems with a neighbour of theirs and I thought she had come down to get my husband to come and help (the police have been involved, one episode was that the neighbour cut the electricity to my friends house!! ) Anyway eventually she came back with my husband, dropped him off and drove away. He comes into the house and I asked what had been going on. He handed me a bag containing a gold box. I said "what's this" well to cut a long and painful story short, my best friend had taken my husband to a side road and started to tell him that according to her, I was having an affair with her husband, including having given him this gift of expensive aftershave which she had found hidden in the bag. She also told my husband all the other things which in her mind had happened. On my children's lives, all of this is complete fabrication and none of it is true, including the gift which I have never seen before. This is not the first time that my friend has said that her husband is having an affair. She turned me and other friends against another friend as she claimed this friend was chasing her husband and had had a thing with him. I believed her at the time but now finding myself in the same situation, I now believe this is rubbish too. There has been other quite bizarre things which have supposed to have happened but now I question the validity of those too. Her mother took dementia at a young age and died in her 60's from it and I am now wondering if this is the problem. I have texted her but have had no reply, saying that I am categorically not having any fling with her husband etc. Thankfully though he may have many faults, my husband believes me. I am so distressed about all of this. She is normally a fun, loving, caring friend but once before, a couple of years ago, she threw a wobbly over something absolutely trivial and didn't speak to me for about a month. I forgave her for that but this is huge. I just cannot understand her thinking. We have spent most of lockdown supporting each other, yet she does this. I feel I have been thrown under a bus, at a time when she knows full well that my mental health is in my boots. I feel completely overwhelmed by everything going wrong in my life.But I also am extremely worried about her mental health. How can this move forward? X

Forsythia Sat 08-May-21 18:02:44

I’ve just read your other post on your other thread about your husband. Could there be more to it? Are they cooking this up together for some reason? Only you will know the likelihood of that but it all seems too much of a coincidence to me.

readsalot Sat 08-May-21 18:10:16

This woman has problems but it's not up to you to solve them. Keep your distance and I hope you feel better soon.

Susysue Sun 09-May-21 00:54:44

Thank you all again for your valuable and honest advice. Forsythia, I note what you are saying and don't know the answer. I will definitely though keep it in mind. I am losing trust in everything around me and questioning everything. This is not who I am normally. So much hurt.

welbeck Sun 09-May-21 01:16:27

i would just try to get her to admit what she said, in text/email, by apologising for it, so you have some proof, if ever it becomes an issue later on.
you could say you understand she was going through a rough patch, but it really stunned you when she accused you of carrying on with her husband.
then, hopefully she will reply by acknowledging it was nonsense.

BlueBelle Sun 09-May-21 07:18:13

I have read through your post again and I m now reconsidering
Why would your husband go off in her car without telling you he was going with her to do a, b or c that’s doesn’t fit does it ?

You say they came back eventually how long is eventually if she only took him to a side road to give him the bag he’d have been gone 5 minutes

She had him at the doorstep alone why drive him anywhere why not just throw the accusations and bag at him there on the step ?

I d be very cautious of your husband in this debacle Could they be having an affair and it’s all a cover up

Susysue Sun 09-May-21 18:55:52

Thank you Bluebells and welbeck. she has apologised profusely. Bluebelle, I just don't know but don't think so xx