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If you wrote down what you look for in a partner, what would it say

(54 Posts)
Neen Fri 24-Sep-21 21:31:44

I'm absolutely not looking and finally found me and what I like/ don't and also I don't have to say yes to everything etc Im 54 and have some healthy boundaries and begining to be on the path I should have been on a long time ago but I hadn't learnt yet what I was meant to. I ignored so many red flags in my time, that I am now really good at spotting them and a friend said to me yesterday, what would you look for in a man in a year or two when your ready. I said I wouldn't ! But after I thought about it. If I did write down my thoughts, it would be : older than me, strong/ happy in who he is as a person, uses humbly the wisdom he's learnt, arty, grateful for small blessings,
Someone who accepts you-to not later want to change you, not a heavy drinker /smoker, enjoys walks and finding a little gem of a nature place, funny, kind, strong in boundaries and has self care, listens to hear, enjoys cake and cuppas, knows how to be calm and respond not react, someone whose smile is genuine and who takes his time. Who doesn't mind me doing Claire's and Sarah's law as I've 5 Grandchildren. Someone who likes tranquil, not loud noise. Someone who has a calming voice to listen to. A Christian man strong in his faith, someone who likes to give back, who has his own friends and space.

Over to you ..
Still not interested but does make me realise wow.
It's good knowing yourself better as you age ?

ElderlyPerson Fri 24-Sep-21 21:44:26

I remember hearing a joke about a man who supposedly went to a marriage bureau and, asked what he sought in a wife, he said a great long list about being entertaining and not criticising him and so on and including being quiet when he wanted her to be quiet.

And the lady at the marriage bureau said that he did not need a wife, he needed a television set. smile

GagaJo Fri 24-Sep-21 21:50:09

Socialist. Other than that, it's about whether I like them or not. And that can't be predefined.

BigBertha1 Fri 24-Sep-21 22:01:34

Loves a cuddle
Sensible nd practical
Generous with time and feelings
Tidy and clean
Good conversationalist
Can cook a basic meal
Puts the lid down

Kim19 Fri 24-Sep-21 22:03:03


MissAdventure Fri 24-Sep-21 22:04:04

Big, kind, funny, solvent, confident (but absolutely no showing off!)
Sense of humour, animal lover, non drinker, quirky, dark hair, hairy chest (but never nostrils) beard, moustache... hang on, I'm sure I'll think of more.
Music lover, non sulker, no drama, nice speaking voice.
There is probably more, too.
Luckily, I'm not looking, which is why I'm being so picky.
Good cook.

Deedaa Fri 24-Sep-21 22:12:19

I am reminded of the lady who wrote to an agony aunt because she thought her daughter was gay because she said she was looking for a wife. The answer was that what every working woman wants is a wife - someone who can cook and clean, pay bills on time and remember important dates, Add a sense of humour and you've got a husband.

M0nica Fri 24-Sep-21 22:15:56

What I said when I started - non-smoker, must be tidy.

Well, he is a non-smoker, and one cannot have everything.

MissAdventure Fri 24-Sep-21 22:19:25


BladeAnnie Fri 24-Sep-21 22:25:17

I met my husband online 8 years ago - after being persuaded to do the online dating thing by a very dear friend. We met each other after talking online for a few weeks and both knew by the end of that first coffee together that "we were meant to be". We've both had previous not so nice relationships but we promised to always be honest with each other. We are - and I honestly never believed I could be so happy

Grannynannywanny Fri 24-Sep-21 22:52:43

I’ll quote my Mum from many decades ago when we had this conversation…

Over 90 years old
A very healthy bank account
A bad cough
One foot in the grave
The other foot on a banana skin ?

Grannynannywanny Fri 24-Sep-21 22:57:59

I hasten to add she said it in jest. My Mum and Dad had 64 happy years together.

Witzend Fri 24-Sep-21 22:58:57

Grannynannywanny ?.

Mine are very boring - kind and solvent, not vain, lazy, weedy, or mean with money.
Thighs heftier than mine!

Zoejory Fri 24-Sep-21 23:07:29

Similar sense of humour to me. Without that it would never work

Grannynannywanny Fri 24-Sep-21 23:08:07

vain, lazy, weedy, or mean with money

Witzend you’ve just described my ex husband. I should have listened to my Mum!

LadyGracie Sat 25-Sep-21 13:13:17

I said I wanted to marry someone tall and dark, I knew a boy when I was young who had awful BO it put me off the name.
I married, he was the same height as me, quite dark haired, but, he had the name! 51 years still together.

lemongrove Sat 25-Sep-21 13:20:53

Are you sure that’s a man you’re describing Neen ?

lemongrove Sat 25-Sep-21 13:24:03

Non smoker, kind nature, not gloomy, must like books and pets.Luckily....Mr L is all of those things.

Shinamae Sat 25-Sep-21 13:25:50


What I said when I started - non-smoker, must be tidy.

Well, he is a non-smoker, and one cannot have everything.


Blossoming Sat 25-Sep-21 13:26:01

I’ve never looked for a partner, but I found one anyway.

Davida1968 Sat 25-Sep-21 13:32:05

Kind, caring, funny, clean (!), intelligent, thoughtful, able to listen, cuddly, sociable, sensible (mostly!), a good cook, able to undertake routine daily household & garden tasks, but knows when to call in a tradesman if needed. Likes to be with my family & shares my interests. Fun to be with, but not an "over-the-top" person. Oh, and did I mention good-looking and sexy? (Thank goodness I met him, nearly 40 years ago - this is my DH.)

grannyactivist Sat 25-Sep-21 13:41:01

Someone who shares the same core values as me.

When he came along he happened to be ten years younger, was my best friend, really rather messy, but also I can say he’s still the kindest, most generous man I’ve met in my life (and I know some good ones).

Audi10 Sat 25-Sep-21 13:46:10

Miss Adventure you have just described my husband, apart from the hairy chest ??

Shelbel Sat 25-Sep-21 13:57:00

Not too skinny, not too fat
Fit to do decorating and household maintenance.
Likes a cuddle
Likes animals
Has hobbies/interests to keep him out of my way
No football or sports fanatics
Likes history, TV dramas, films, books, art.
Intelligent and not too woke.
Not be a show off, twat.

Shelbel Sat 25-Sep-21 14:01:44

And non smoker.