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If you wrote down what you look for in a partner, what would it say

(55 Posts)
Neen Fri 24-Sep-21 21:31:44

I'm absolutely not looking and finally found me and what I like/ don't and also I don't have to say yes to everything etc Im 54 and have some healthy boundaries and begining to be on the path I should have been on a long time ago but I hadn't learnt yet what I was meant to. I ignored so many red flags in my time, that I am now really good at spotting them and a friend said to me yesterday, what would you look for in a man in a year or two when your ready. I said I wouldn't ! But after I thought about it. If I did write down my thoughts, it would be : older than me, strong/ happy in who he is as a person, uses humbly the wisdom he's learnt, arty, grateful for small blessings,
Someone who accepts you-to not later want to change you, not a heavy drinker /smoker, enjoys walks and finding a little gem of a nature place, funny, kind, strong in boundaries and has self care, listens to hear, enjoys cake and cuppas, knows how to be calm and respond not react, someone whose smile is genuine and who takes his time. Who doesn't mind me doing Claire's and Sarah's law as I've 5 Grandchildren. Someone who likes tranquil, not loud noise. Someone who has a calming voice to listen to. A Christian man strong in his faith, someone who likes to give back, who has his own friends and space.

Over to you ..
Still not interested but does make me realise wow.
It's good knowing yourself better as you age ?

Jaxjacky Sat 25-Sep-21 14:58:30

Tolérant, similar (warped) sense of humour, ‘mucks in’, likes sport, can laugh at himself, honest, not fussed about pets, good personal hygiene.

MissAdventure Sat 25-Sep-21 15:52:46

Someone who would enjoy spending most of his spare time and money doing diy in my home.

Sara1954 Sat 25-Sep-21 16:39:11

Being kind is top of the list, but there are other non negotiable traits
Non smoker
Willing and able to hunt down spiders when necessary.
Shares my taste in decor
Shares my sense of humour
Never begrudges me anything
Is a proper man who chops wood, and other manly things
Looks good in Wellington boots
Decent cook
And definitely not a loud mouthed know it all.

DiscoDancer1975 Sat 25-Sep-21 16:54:36

This is very close to my husband! Not for sale....yet. Could be arranged ?. Seriously he’s not arty, but fits the Bill with many other attributes.I think the Christian is a definite for me too.

MissAdventure Sat 25-Sep-21 16:56:02

Would you consider loaning him?
I need a shelf fitted

Grandma70s Sat 25-Sep-21 17:10:18

Kind, intelligent, domesticated, presentable, nice voice, reasonably tall and definitely not fat, likes theatre and books, likes cats, treats women as people.

M0nica Sat 25-Sep-21 18:02:00

I think it is best to keep the list short and be open to all possibilities. DH may not be tidy, originally one of my absolutes, and as someone who needs order round them at times he drives me nuts with his stuff scattered everywhere.

But he is kind and loving and can mend anything.

I believe in keeping my options open.

Caleo Sat 25-Sep-21 18:12:56

House trained socialist.

rafichagran Sat 25-Sep-21 18:22:55

Kind, clean, could not care less about his politics so long as he does not belong to any racist party.
My partner and I have very different politics, we vote for different political parties, but we are respectful of each others views, and that is important too.

Neen Sat 25-Sep-21 20:08:13

Wow. Look at all these interesting answers. I've only just come back to this.
Thank you all for going with this smile

Atqui Sat 25-Sep-21 22:02:03

I found some post it notes which had the caption
“When you meet Mr right make sure his middle name isn’t Always!”

Atqui Sat 25-Sep-21 22:07:39

so perhaps I’d say willing to have a balanced discussion and respect other people’s viewpoint.
Also good , or willing cook, non racist, , emotionally literate, only moderate drinker, generous ,to name but a few traits

NanKate Sat 25-Sep-21 22:27:46

Clean finger nails
Slim (no beer belly)
Sense of humour
Someone to take care of all the household bills
Not controlling

stardust123 Sun 26-Sep-21 10:57:22

Must like David Bowie or tolerate him 100%
not afraid of spiders
Love Halloween
Love Christmas
Good sense of humor
Like nights out and festivals
like night in watching movies and cuddles
No mood swings lol

Eloethan Sun 26-Sep-21 12:10:24

Companionable, good humoured; kind and thoughtful; willing to listen as well as speak; interested in the lives and opinions of others and not determined to force his own opinions on those who disagree with him; emotionally mature; honest but diplomatic; positive in approach to life and other people.

I would imagine most people would like other more material qualities in their partners, such as cleanliness, willingness to share practical tasks, etc, etc.

SkyBird Sun 26-Sep-21 12:26:31

Intelligent. Easy going. Kind. Tolerant. Non smoker. Animal lover. Generous. Family man. Sense of humour.
I am very fortunate to have all of this and my best friend to boot.
My biggest gripe would be that he likes to anchor objects with Blue Tack. Dusting is a

dragonfly46 Sun 26-Sep-21 12:36:52

Exactly what I have already!!

Shinamae Sun 26-Sep-21 12:42:30


travelsafar Sun 26-Sep-21 12:52:58

Some one who likes my children and gets on with them and the rest of my family. This would be the most important trait for me.

sodapop Sun 26-Sep-21 14:27:25

Animal lover
My husband to a T

PamelaJ1 Sun 26-Sep-21 15:19:30

I think we get more idea of what we think would suit us as we get older.
I was extremely shallow -I saw him, thought ‘I fancy that’.
48 years later he has all the qualities that I may have listed?
Maybe not all of them but certainly enough.

M0nica Sun 26-Sep-21 22:20:34

How many contributors to this thread feel they have the attributes to attract and keep the paragons they describe?

sodapop Mon 27-Sep-21 09:27:56

Definitely not me MOnica my tolerance levels are just above zero.

Redhead56 Mon 27-Sep-21 09:49:27

I am happily married but if my circumstances were different. I would look for a masculine strong man with a sense of humour and social skills. Tolerant and mature with very good do it yourself abilities. Unselfish and compassionate independent and not needy. A man who likes to watch rugby as I do and likes a pint or two. Down to earth nature responsible and straight talking because I am.

Hetty58 Mon 27-Sep-21 09:55:09

I'm happily single - so can only talk from past experience. I'd look for a kind and understanding chap. He'd have to let me be exactly who I am, so never try to change me.

He'd have to be independent and in the background, have his own life and interests - and let me have mine. I'd hate to be lumbered with somebody needy.