Advice on being content in my 70s

Yes that’s what I did. Got myself a cockapoo, NEVER bored or lonely now xxx

I think Lockdowns are to blame for far too many of us older people feeling lost, lonely, unwanted etc! I had a Voluntary job for 27 years after having to give up work due to injury. I love books so processing donated books was great for me! After the first Lockdown having to stay in apart from a hour or so walk each day my body started giving up! Where I would work through a bit of pain I had no way to do so anymore! I have now got damage to both shoulders that must have been there for years but could be worked through ! I can no longer walk using my stick so am having to teach myself to walk without the stick I had used for 20+, not easy! Family live 30 miles away & only see every couple of weeks! So can understand anyone feeling down & lost! I hate winter & cannot wait for Spring! At least then out for a quick walk there are other people about. A smile or hello can make my day! Covid has so many wrecked lives to be blamed for! Thankfully though we are still alive though many of us have lost family & friends to this! Hoping for a better year to come!

Ramblers. Friendly like-minded people and mostly in our seventies. And being outside, even with our weather, lifts the spirits.

I too think the feelings you describe have been made worse by the pandemic and the lockdowns.

That said, when I have felt down and that nothing was happening and been worried due to DH's health, I found that structuring my day and week helped.

Not minute to minute - that would drive me mad, but my day looks like this:

breakfast followed by washing-up and bedmaking. Once or twice a week, as needed, I dust bedroom at same time and or hoover upstairs. Morning gymnastics (ten minutes or so of a programme that suits me and which I vary in the course of the week.

The rest of the forenoon is given over to one specific household task, depending on the day of the week. (Washing, ironing, hoovering, getting bins ready for emptying the following day etc.)

Afternoons are my time off, where I read Gransnet, write e-mails or letters, check Facebook, sew, read, etc.

Unless it is pouring I go for a walk every day.

I let myself say "I can't be bothered with this task today," but it has to be done before the weekend.

This way I avoid the house getting so messy that I can't stick it and I don't wear myself out doing all the cleaning at once. Same applies in garden, which is far harder as I loathe and detest gardening.

You may of course have read this far and thought, "Good heavens, the woman is mad. I can't live like that!! but I found it got me through some rough patches.

I can agree with those who advocate writing their life story, and researching their ancestry. I’ve not done either, but a week ago I was asked by a relative, who was creating a family tree, to give some information to a chap who had contacted her, having seen her research. He is a second cousin, and due to circumstances, he never met or knew anything about his late mother’s family. I have so enjoyed telling him about all the relatives he never met, particularly his grandfather, who I knew very well. It has been like sending him chapters of a book as I write them. Very absorbing.

You have been given some really great advice, one thing I haven't seen is structure. When you were part of a couple or younger and working your week had structure. Volunteer once or twice a week, every organisation needs help and support, then build the rest of your week around that, even if it just the mundane stuff as in today is housework and bed change day, going shopping on the same day at the same day may sound boring, but your also seeing the same people and before you know it, your chatting on the bus or in the que. Also have a treat day is there a nice coffee shop you like the look of what about lunch same time, same day, every week. None of this is a quick fix, but you have nothing to lose, as my DD says got my big girl knickers on and I'm ready for anything

I think it is the lack of the ordinary since lockdown. I don’t live alone but feel the same restlessness. I have loads of hobbies but motivation is lacking. Getting a cat has given many hilarious moments and he needs to be cared for. I don’t watch soaps but find some historical programmes on tv or listening to audiobooks is a good way of not sinking into darker thoughts - although I have to combine that with another activity like knitting, or cardmaking now xmas is looming.

I live a fairly isolated life. During the first lockdown I finished all the sewing projects I had on going but since then have lost enthusiasm for crafting and sewing. I think many have become rather reclusive. So...I have joined a dating site... Have tried in the past but seemed to just make friends....one I walk with regularly. Another is garden tours...sadly none this past year. I did join U3A but then covid hit. Will join that again. Oh and there is the date arranged...hahaha

I’m generally happy with my own company but am aware that isolation can create its own problems. I make sure that I contact one of my friends at least once a week and arrange a lunch, or coffee or a walk. I’m WI too and now many of them are friends who also enjoy the contact.

Get out there lovely and live your life. Living alone shouldn’t mean lonely. Lots already suggested but I can recommend working in a charity shop. There are so many charities that need help.

Unfortunately, nothing and no-one can grant you confidence in your younger life or contentment in your later years. I don't think artificial 'busyness' really helps either. Some people retreat into religion, or some other belief system - perhaps 'alternative' therapies. And, although men are not immune, it does seem to be mainly a girl thing. Maybe just recognising the syndrome is enough to alleviate it?

I found your post comforting in a funny way ExaultedWombat

If your in good health get a rescue dog, sounds like your lonely as much as anything, fill time with activities is great, but if lonely then it’s always in the background. Dogs are amazing company and get you out. I know when I take my dog out I hat to loads of people and sometimes meet up with dogs ?

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Maywalk Lovely story ?

? yes ? yes and yes again SecondhandRose.

Pick one near by if it reduces travel hassles. Just say you’re interested and give it a go. Offer what you think you can manage as regards time and stamina and say what you prefer to do there but make it work for you even a couple of hours is a help.
There are plenty in most towns and if one doesn’t suit after a trial run don’t be deterred try another ? ?

JPB123. I am content at lsat. I am 69.
I have 6 children and had 2 businesses, so have always been busy.
I started meditating and practising mindfulness. Sara Raymond and the mindful movement have loads of meditation practices with all sorts of subjects and they are free on you tube.
These have really helped me. I listen to one first thing in the morning and another to go to sleep by. They have really helped me and they could help you.
I also have a small dog who needs looking after, walking etc which also helps enormously.
It is so important to enjoy these later years and be at peace with yourself.
Good luck.

There are some great ideas being offered to which I’d like to add two: reaching out to others either by phone or letter. My DH prefers to phone and chats to many friends we haven’t seen for years - even before Covid. The general response is delight to being contacted. I prefer to write and choose to use email. Handwritten letters are always a treat to receive. Secondly I wonder what you you are good at or enjoy doing and how that could work for you now? I enjoy cooking and have challenged myself to lean how to make sourdough during lockdown. I’m not particularly good but I enjoy the challenge. I’ve managed to start yoga thro’ Denman at home (formerly WI centre) on denman.org.uk. I enjoy the weekly challenge of the class, altho’ I topple a lot (no one can watch you if you blank your personal screen!). Denman also offer a range of interesting talks and crafts. Thanks for reaching out to us all and I do hope you’ve had some inspiration!

There is also a very good book called “The Artists Way”
They have one for retirement which is very good.

Hope you’ve found these responses helpful. I know I have. I also live alone and try to occupy myself, but spend a lot of the time just thinking about doing something, rather than actually doing it. I am in WI x 2, U3A and another group but always feel “on the fringe” as if I don’t really fit in. I would love a dog again but always put obstacles in my way, eg I wouldn’t be accepted for a rescue as I don’t have a secure garden v do I want a puppy? v think of the cost of them now!
Not much of a useful post, I realise, but hope it makes you realise the grass is always greener (for some)

So many of us are experiencing these negative emotions, but look at the brilliant ideas already posted - good old Gransnet! It is hard to get yourself going, and dispel the feelings when they wash over you. You have my sympathy - and empathy - as I feel just the same at times. I keep telling myself that 'this too shall pass' because usually the bad times do. Keep the chin up! x

Happinesslab.fm is a podcast based on psychological research into the science of happiness. It’s easy listening and full of practical strategies for developing happiness levels sustainably. I think the main tips are around the principles of
- taking opportunities for acts of kindness
- having social connection
- having time affluence
- taking some control of our own minds (a wandering mind is often an unhappy mind)
- healthy practices (exercise, sleep, …)

You’re obviously doing things along these lines. The podcast has recently been about having fun - what does/doesn’t feel like fun to you? I think it’s worth some thought.

I too would love to have a little dog and thought about rescue ones. When looking on the ones in my area there are so many staffies that need rehoming but i feel they would be too powerful for me to take out for a walk especiallly as i need to use a stick now. Someone also said to me if you take on a adult dog or older one there may be issues, ie, ill health and the cost when you have a limited amount of money. This i feel must be factored in.

www.amazon.co.uk/Opening-Doors-Within-Meditations-Findhorn?tag=gransnetforum-21
I've found it helpful to learn meditation for a short time - not every day, but as often as I can and especially when I feel edgy. The book above has been helpful in guiding my thoughts too.
Best wishes.

Have you thought about volunteering with RVS ?
I started 2 years ago volunteering at our local community hospital, serving in the shop and taking the trolley stocked with daily papers , magazines, confectionery and toiletries. Covid brought it all to a halt but we’re now back in full swing and pleased to catch up with our co workers , I really enjoy the weekly sessions and it’s amazing how quickly you get to know the staff and the regular outpatients who are always ready to chat and pass the time of day..
They also need volunteers for driving patients to and from appointments and clinics so perhaps call them and see if there is any way you can help .