Sex life over

Surely HRT is much the same as viagra, in that your mind has got to be up for it (pardon the pun!)
If you don't want to, it doesn't matter what you take or what you try.

DiscoDancer1975

^please do share with us what these treatments are^ . I can’t believe this has passed you by Oldnproud. ?. HRT.....the answer to everything!! ?

Unless hrtt contains a small amount of testosterone it will do absolutely nothing for your libido.
You have to go private to get this type of hrt

Never understood why they deny this to women in the UK
It would make such a difference.

HRT never worked for me but then I had testosterone implants for a few years until cuts in the nhs stopped them.

DiscoDancer My implants are made from 100% body bio-identical estradiol made from yams. Have been doing so for 33 years so it’s nothing new. It doesn’t help with the stimulation of my natural hormones as you said, it replaces the oestrogen that my body lacks. That’s why it is called Hormone REPLACEMENT Therapy. You may not as you say know how effective this is but I do. It is wonderful. Wonderful at preventing both the early menopause symptoms e.g. hot flushes and wonderful at preventing the much later symptoms e.g. osteoporosis.
Supplements do not accomplish the same things.

MissAdventure. I believe you are completely correct regarding libido.

snowberry You don’t have to go private to get testosterone. I was asked recently if I wanted both testosterone and oestrogen implants by a new NHS consultant.

Esspee, I’m just saying the treatment isn’t natural, and you may have felt better without it. Perhaps not straight away, but after a couple of years.

Thirty years to be taking a replacement sounds horrendous to me, but if you’re happy...that’s great.

My concern isn’t about what you do or don’t take. It’s the idea that all of us should do it.

Not everyone can use either hrt or the oestrogen vaginal supplements. A vaginal bleed will lead to the pessaries no longer being prescribed
It’s a loving consent issue. What man would insist by whatever means, on intercourse or any for, if sexual activity his loving partner no longer felt drawn to. Or woman for that matter. Sex may have been a shared joy. Surely it can be accepted the love, the physical hugs and cuddles continue without the physical sexual act that’s no longer possible/wanted

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DiscoDancer1975
" Esspee, I’m just saying the treatment isn’t natural, and you may have felt better without it. Perhaps not straight away, but after a couple of years. "

The trouble with waiting to see if you are one of the lucky or the unlucky in the menopause lottery is that by the time the full impact of the changes becomes obvious, much can, it seems, be irreversible. That is the position I and many others have found ourselves in.

Honestly, those who haven't been there can't begin to imagine how the menopause can affect both your body and your mind. I never imagined for one moment that I would become one of those women who now avoids sex like the plague, but it has happened.

Is taking HRT from the outset, before you know how the menopause might affect you personally long term, really much different from taking any other drug or treatment as a preventative measure against something that might never happen to you anyway, such as statins to reduce the risks of strokes or heart attacks if you have high cholestorol ?

DiscoDancer Who suggested that everyone should take it? Certainly not me.

I only need an implant twice a year so it is hardly taxing. The other 363 days of the year I simply forget about it.

I wouldn't feel better without it. Without it, at 73 I would be crippled with osteoporosis like my mother and grandmother before me, would probably have the beginnings of stress incontinence, possibly have sleep problems and judging from the many contributions on here I might possibly have lost my enthusiasm for a mutually satisfying love life.

Oldnproud Well said.

I will be happy to answer your question by PM once I have asked the physio. I am pretty sure I know the answer but I prefer to give facts not guesses.

What part of Oldnproud’s post was well said, espee. Genuine question, I can’t find it

I also think the assumption that everyone wants a hot 'n heavy sex life is very one sided.

TBH, I'm busier at almost 60 than I was at 40. I really don't have the time or the mental focus to be at the stage I was sexually at 40. 14 hour work days, my DGS, a shared house.

There are many ways to live and to be happy. Each to their own.

I think it's more than coincidental that a lot of women lose interest in sex once they are past the stage of having children.
Men, on the other hand, can father children long after we've "shut up shop"

i agree with Esspee - you may have VA and I would recommend getting some pessaries etc. That may help with the physical symptoms. Don't believe the old wives "tale of you -have a lot of things to or the lack of them , have a lot to answer

Oldnproud

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DiscoDancer1975
" Esspee, I’m just saying the treatment isn’t natural, and you may have felt better without it. Perhaps not straight away, but after a couple of years. "

The trouble with waiting to see if you are one of the lucky or the unlucky in the menopause lottery is that by the time the full impact of the changes becomes obvious, much can, it seems, be irreversible. That is the position I and many others have found ourselves in.

Honestly, those who haven't been there can't begin to imagine how the menopause can affect both your body and your mind. I never imagined for one moment that I would become one of those women who now avoids sex like the plague, but it has happened.

Is taking HRT from the outset, before you know how the menopause might affect you personally long term, really much different from taking any other drug or treatment as a preventative measure against something that might never happen to you anyway, such as statins to reduce the risks of strokes or heart attacks if you have high cholestorol ?

Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t sail through menopause. I had hot flushes which weren’t debilitating, and some depression/ anxiety that I’d never had before, and a few aches and pains.

The worst thing was the intermittent travel sickness type symptoms, which no one could say for sure was related to menopause, so even if I’d wanted to take HRT, there were certainly no guarantees with this symptom, which no one else had heard of...but couldn’t be ruled out.

I’m fine now...but it took about five years, on and off. All I’m trying to say is....there are no guarantees, and you’re not going to die if you don’t have it. Unlike Diabetes and heart attacks.

Iam64

What part of Oldnproud’s post was well said, espee. Genuine question, I can’t find it

All of it Iam64
By the time the full impact of lack of oestrogen hits you you are normally in your 70s by which time the damage is done. Few people of our age appear to be aware of this and assume menopause symptoms such as hot flushes and brain fog are as bad as it gets, when in my opinion osteoporosis, incontinence, osteoarthritis and all the other directly connected medical problems which are usually not obvious until you are in your 60s and 70s have far more impact on quality of life.
Taking HRT, if appropriate for you and you wish to, is a preventative measure, no different to any other preventative measure.
Oldnproud has an excellent grasp of the situation we inevitably find ourselves in as we age as women.

DiscoDancer I am so glad you are doing well. Everyone has a choice on how they handle their own health.

GagaJo I haven't seen anyone suggest that everyone should have a hot and heavy sex life but don't you agree it would be sad to be forced into being celibate due to a medically preventable condition if you had a partner you enjoyed a loving relationship with.

I am saddened that so many on gransnet find lovemaking distasteful.

My friend bluntly told her husband he could find a friend as long as she did not know about it. So he did!

I am saddened that so many on gransnet find lovemaking distasteful

I haven’t read this anywhere. Must be on the wrong threads.

As far as HRT goes be careful. I didn't and don't take it. But 10 years after my menopause my mother had a DVT and then my aunt had a pulmonary embolism. Had I been on HRT I would have been taken off immediately. A family history of blood clots makes it a no-no.
JulesSquirrel there is a film called Le Weekend, it stars Jim Broadbent. It's the story of an anniversary visit to Paris. The couple have sex problems. It's also quite funny and touching maybe if you could watch it together it would give you an easy way of broaching the problem.

DiscoDancer1975

^I am saddened that so many on gransnet find lovemaking distasteful^

I haven’t read this anywhere. Must be on the wrong threads.

Same here. Not wanting sex or accepting physical health problems prevent it, doesn’t mean it’s seen as distasteful.
Trisher is right to draw attention to some of the reasons HRT is a nonstarter for some.
Espee I agree about the benefits of HRT. I have RA, my GP advised HRT to maintain bone density rather than because my menopause was difficult. I’ve had three bone density scans over 15 years, each time I’ve been told HRT helped maintain density.
If I could, I would have continued to take it.

Me too - the medics made me go off it at age 60 and I now have huge problems with osteoporosis.

I have a friend who had breast cancer, and also osteoporosis. She says the osteoporosis is painless. That’s the problem, there’s nothing to alert you to it.

She can’t have HRT because of the breast cancer, but takes calcium ,vitamin D, magnesium and another drug, ( I can’t remember the name), which keeps the osteoporosis in check. You’d never know there was anything wrong to look at her. She does lots of exercise, mainly walking.

My mother died of breast cancer, so even if I’d wanted to take HRT, it wouldn’t have been advised. I’ve seen recent documentaries which are not dispelling the ‘myth’, about breast cancer and HRT.

In my opinion, and that’s all it is, the less medication you can get away with...the better.

I think part of the problem is that society has changed the emphasis from 'Making Love' = a step further than a kiss or a cuddle, with the one you love; to 'Having Sex' = an enjoyable, exciting, recreational activity.

Granny23

I think part of the problem is that society has changed the emphasis from 'Making Love' = a step further than a kiss or a cuddle, with the one you love; to 'Having Sex' = an enjoyable, exciting, recreational activity.

I’m not sure it has changed, certainly I never imagined my mum or my granny having sex at 60, it was just never discussed, even now I often say to OH “the kids would never believe us”.
HRT and Viagra (we don’t) have both made sex in later life easier, so if you enjoy it why not!.