Son is troubled about partner stopping breast feeding

VioletSky

I guess it depends how you look at it

Supporting parents is always going to be easy in comparison to them actually parenting... unless the role is viewed in a self important way... not surethats the right phrase but haven't got the right one

Sorry I misunderstood Madgran

No worries VS 🙂

Dickens above writes,
To the OP:
Your GC shares the same name as my son

how do you know the name of the OP's GC, Dickens ?

It's not lazy to say, i can't do this anymore when there is an alternative

No, it's not and it's better to have a baby which thrives and a relaxed mother if breastfeeding proves to be difficult and stressful.

welbeck

Dickens above writes,
To the OP:
Your GC shares the same name as my son

how do you know the name of the OP's GC, Dickens ?

... it's on another forum where this is also being discussed.

As the mother of three sons is tell
Them to grow the heck up
And start supporting the mother of his children doing what she feels is best for her body. I breastfed all six of mine but There’s no shame in formula - your son is gonna need t to put his big boy pants on as he can’t lactate himself he doesn’t get a say here.

You son has told you that his wife and mother of his newborn is 'lazy and tired'. What a disgraceful and ignorant betrayer of a man he is. Why has he not provided his wife and child with a home of their own? Is he lazy? To text you complaining about her breastfeeding is awful. No, you may not discuss his wife with him. Tell him to talk to his wife about any and all issues, not his mummy. He is a man now and he needs to act like it. It is not his wife? Then shame on him!

Lazy???????? Breastfeeding is pretty hard work, IIRC! The only reason I carried on with BF was because I thought I’d be too disorganised to have everything clean and ready for when the next feeds were due. I hope he appreciates the effort his wife has put into feeding HIS child!

It seems all of us agree. Which is great.

On an aside, how would you feel if a mother really wanted to breastfeed, and needed support, and her OH, her mother and MIL told her not to bother, they didn't either, and buy her formula and bottles and tell her to stop trying.

I never breast fed, oddly it wasn't fashionable at the time so many mums didn't do it. I had and still have two healthy daughters in their fifties, with lovely healthy families, Nothing to worry about. Keep mum happy with good support and all will be fine.

There could be all kinds of reasons why your DIL doesn’t breast feed, maybe it is painful or she worries that her milk is not sufficient for baby’s needs, or maybe she is doing what her family is used to. Perhaps you could make a gentle suggestion that she expresses her breast milk as a compromise.

I remember the agony of latching on - I didn’t know, and no-one told me, that I could prepare my nipples - the pain passed and I breastfed DS for a year.
5 years later when DD was born I knew about a spray and cream (can’t remember the name off-hand) but had to give up after six months when she was hospitalised with diarrhoea and sickness. For myself I didn’t like the faff or sterilising and measuring when (to be coarse) I only had to lob my tits out!

Only the mother knows how she feels and how tired or even depressed she might be. Her husband should not be telling tales and complaining to his mum!!!!!
When I had my first DD by Caesarian section I still managed to breastfeed with the help of the nurses and kept going until she was 6 months old when I started to get tired and gradually weaned her, my mother said nothing. My MIL said "Told you so",
When I had my second baby she told me that I had proved with the first that I could do it now get on and give the second formula. I took no notice. I later learned it was jealousy, she could not breastfeed herself because of deformed breasts but had not admitted this ,just tried to make me feel silly and inadequate. There are lots of reasons why people do not want to breastfeed or others don't want them to. I believe it is between the mother her baby and her medical team not interfering mothers or MIL.

I agree with you that it's so important but not every family feels this. It's possible that her in-laws feel that formula will give them all a less disrupted night.
My own DIL comes from a family where breastfeeding is not usual, and I did all I could to encourage and support her, but I suspect her mother was not doing the same. In the end she managed six weeks which was a good start for the baby, particularly as she was premature so DIL had to use a breast pump. Fortunately the hospital gave her lots of support and stressed the importance of breast milk for a premature baby. She later fed her second baby for six weeks too.
I do try not to push too much, I'd hate to have fallen out with her over this.

Good grief !! It’s none of your business (soz don’t mean that as harsh as it sounds!) this is Mum’s decision and her’s alone and I cannot even understand why Dad is even discussing it! My advice, just say nothing

My aunt was very scathing about breastfeeding. I later discovered that she hadn't been able to breastfeed herself. However when she had her babies in the 50s and 60s it was often discouraged anyway.

Maybe she would be less tired if he gave some bottle feeds in the night??It sounds like hes 'distressed' more for himself than the baby- if she breast feeds he's not having to be up in night helping out is he?Why would he be 'distressed' about it? If the baby is healthy & thriving on formula and his wife's happy with HER choice whats to be distressed about? He sounds uncaring & arrogant to me- what kind of husband & father would brand his childs mum as 'lazy' ?when its not long since she gave birth yes of course shes tired.
Sorry if some of us havent been agreeing with your son- but you did ask us so the majority of us- as mothers- have been on your DIL's side.You must know he's in the wrong complaining about it? If it were my son i'd have put him straight, & told him to stop moaning & give the poor mum a hand especially with a bottle feed in the night so she can get some rest- She's not lazy- just dog tired.🙄

My MIL just laughed at me. I really wanted to BF, but because of the emergency C-Section (transveral breech- CS after 12 hours in labour), it was painful (as BF makes muscles contract, a very good way to get in shape after pregnancy). She just said 'stop this nonsense and stick it on the bottle as I did'. Thank goodness I had a great Health Visitor. and a great OH.
In hospital, nursing staff gave my baby a bottle without asking for permission, and we were all given samples free of charge and told it is much easier, and not to bother.

It seems that the outside pressure on mothers NOT to BF, from all sides, is much more common than t'other way round.

And the reason for his #"distress" being? As long as baby has the first feeds after birth that contain all the supermum stuff it matters not whether breast or pint pot!! I had zero milk with #1DS so #2DS bottle fed from the start and neither have suffered as a result! There's a lot of hooey about breast feeding and a lot of pressure and guilt tripping with new mums too. Leave well alone stop talking behind her back and tell your offspring to grow up! Oh and get him to read some useful stuff on the subject on NHS sites and drop the tiktok mafia!! A joyous time with a new little one should be everyone's priority!

My DH Has just asked why they're not living with you? He had his knowing over the fence Les Dawson face on at the time..........

TerriBull

You are right it is her body and such a decision is entirely up to her. He, your son, is not a lot of help saying she's lazy and tired. You're a mother, point out to him giving birth affects women in different ways, some take quite a while to recover from that, suggest he is not being very supportive by describing her as lazy.

I agree. That remark made me want to give him a slap!

It isn’t anything to do with you really. As long as the baby is thriving and the mother well, have confidence that they will make the right decisions throughout.

Re breast pumps, even for someone who breastfeeds easily they can be a major faff. My dd found BF very easy and had a bountiful supply, but when Gds was in hospital at 4 months with bronchiolitis so severe that he had to be sedated and tube fed for a week, she found expressing a chore she could have done without.
It is not like turning a tap on, which is what some people seem to think. Plus of course the equipment needs meticulous care to keep it clean.

You don't like criticism. All the comments are trying to point out the obvious . Learn from it.

I'm getting an uncomfortable feeling here that mother and son are conspiring behind the young mum's back. What the poor girl needs is love and support. Maybe the son could get up through the night - every night and sit by young mum while she feeds baby and settles him back down!

D-in-L bottle fed both my GDs. Both have dairy intolerance went onto soy formula after a couple of weeks. Eldest, aged 7 still cannot tolerate any dairy. Neither can youngest aged 18 months either.

Right
Thats it goodbye Gransnet.