Desperate for advice please ..

Thank you for your views .. I realise I knew there was no easy way ..
And in answer to some no it’s not got physical far from it, just a peck on the cheek No way and his close family were away for Xmas visiting their children, he didn’t want to go away because of his cat
Thanks again, x

Sparklefizz
That’s what I feel like doing.. Run
Thanks x

"This is not working, we have incompatibilities in lots of areas.
I wish you the best of luck in the future "

Quote Hithere
Thanks

I would have told him on yer bike after couple weeks, go by your gut feeling, he wants a maid

DeeDe

Thank you for your views .. I realise I knew there was no easy way ..
And in answer to some no it’s not got physical far from it, just a peck on the cheek No way and his close family were away for Xmas visiting their children, he didn’t want to go away because of his cat
Thanks again, x

And you could develop an allergy to the cat, too.
"It's not you, it's me"
"You're lovely but ...."
Etc

All such kind words are fine, but you need to be more straightforward. He sounds rather overwhelming.

Theexwife

It is going to be one awkward phone call and then it will be over.

You could say that it has been nice spending time with him but you don't want this to go further and that he should meet someone that wants the same as him.

I'd say from your O/P there is nothing about him that would be good for you to continue this relationship for.

I'm not picking up love, or a great deal of enjoyment!

Its not even true you like spending time with him if it is I can't discern it in the O/P.

You need to say directly - not unkindly, of course - that you don't feel we are compatible and don't want this to go further and that he should meet someone that wants the same as him.

If he says why say the stuff about what his expectations are and that it could neve work for you.

Are you afraid he will be angry? Or cry? Accuse you of taking him for a ride or something?

You haven't.

(Or maybe its new to him how unhappy you are with some of his expectations but haven't talked about those before to him...)

No love, I think I felt sad for him, and difficult to stop him rolling along, he chirps away happy on the phone and I find it difficult to burst his bubble.. I think I realised Xmas day, it was only friendship and that at a push, infact I did say that but next thing I know his still rolling along, I don’t even want friendship now I realise that ..
I have to blurt it out, I don’t want him driving here again
My Not putting my foot down sooner has made it worse now
No easy way .. I also wonder if his the start of dementia? As he says the same things over.
No easy way is there ,.. I will be careful before being so called kind again …Phew

I feel sorry for you DeeDe as it sounds like your kindness has been misconstrued as an agreement to continue with this friendship. You obviously don't want to hurt his feelings, too nice to say no.

I hope you manage to extricate yourself with firm diplomacy.

Oh my goodness, that is a lot of ground to cover in 6 weeks. I'd be running as fast as my little legs could carry me.

I'm afraid you're going to have to be brave and tell him that you don't think you are compatible.

Good luck.

Do you never talk? When he puts the top lights on say don't do that it gives me a headache. When he gets up to leave and hasn't offered to wash up just say about time you offered to wash the dishes isn't it? If he turns the sound up loud ask if he's had he's ears tested lately. Etc etc. Stop assuming and do some plain talking he might think bring food is equal to washing up etc. Only he knows so talk to him, act like a doormat and be treated like a doormat. Next time he mentions you moving in together just say why would I? Just get a dialogue going rather than making an announcement out of the blue.

DeeDe

I don't mean this unkindly but you sound so lovely, so kind and gentle that he knows he's on to a good thing; he saw you coming.

A Posse of Gransnetters is on its way to back you up 🙂

Someone I once worked with met a lady he used to go to school with. They were both single and she made a move on him. Within 2 weeks she wanted to go on holiday, got annoyed because he had not invited her to a family do and started dropping massive hints about her flat being unsuitable and how lovely his was. He said in no uncertain terms that she was not for him as she was too pushy. He was quite laid back and liked to make his own choices in life.

He's looking for a housekeeper with benefits, by the sound of it. You could just tell him the truth - that you haven't got things in common and that you haven't been seeing each other long enough to start meeting his family and getting serious.

Thank you all very much for your time, advice and experiences Really appreciated x
I need to wise up and speak up for myself, feels I got drawn along, doesn’t pay to be a pushover does it
Had a lot of loss in my family this last few months, think I must have lost my brain along the way too
Sorry I haven’t replied to each of you, but I have read everything, and Thank you all very much
sending Hugs to you all xx xx

I think you know this is not a good idea to continue the relationship with this man. Call a halt as all the warning signs are there.

HowVeryDareYou

He's looking for a housekeeper with benefits, by the sound of it. You could just tell him the truth - that you haven't got things in common and that you haven't been seeing each other long enough to start meeting his family and getting serious.

And yes there is a posse of Gransnetters on their way, well said Callistemon!

He is probably a bit old fashioned and presumes everyone is going to be like his late wife - he needs setting straight!!

Good luck Deede, and let us know when you've spoken to him!

Just do as Oopsydaisy suggested.
Meet in a safe place away from your home. Speak plainly, honestly and kindly. No excuses for him to work around. You only find yourself in this situation because of your kind offer of Christmas lunch. I once invited a recently widowed man for coffee. I thought it be nice for him to be able to talk about his feelings, as I had known and liked his wife. He completely misunderstood my intentions and started making plans to take me out. I had to be kind but straight forward in explaining what my intentions were. He was miffed, but better to tell him then that I didn't want a close friendship, than to let it drift till it reached a point where he would have been hurt.

He is moving far too fast - I think you know that . Follow your instincts, and run - now !!!

Meet in a safe place away from your home

Definitely.

Meet with him somewhere public and tell him this isn't right for you.

If he asks you why, it's up to you if you want to explain or just say that you don't think you are compatible

It's very early days and you don't know him well so make sure you have a good friend or family member available to come get you

‘He even said yesterday I should think about getting a divorce incase I want to re marry again’ You could start the shove off speech explaining you’ve no interest in getting divorced because you have no intention of getting into a long term relationship/marriage again. Perhaps turn it into he’s brought this on himself by being so attentive. Good luck!

Get out whilst you can...before he tries to move in.. just be honest..

Hope he takes it well and doesn't turn out to be a stalker..... this guy is missing a couple of screws

It’s not you it’s me, I have a fear of commitment and need space or I get a panic attacks, should do it.