Wife refuses to cook

lemsip

is your wife on gransnet too?........ if not how did you find the site?

This is an odd post. Why would you think a man would be incapable of finding "Gransnet"? Technology isn't so sophisticated that only females can discover Gransnet and any gender can post also Gran could be a diminutive of Grandpa or Grandma.

I do think the OP 4thtwin is having a bit of a joke with us. It's quite fun reading his responses and I look forward to the next instalment.

Yes, I think a man is having a joke here and enjoying winding us up. It is indeed a very long winded post and I can visualise a couple of bored men sitting at a laptop having a good laugh at us grannies clutching our pearls

Germanshepherdsmum

I have asked twice what dishes the OP cooks. No response. I would expect such an expert cook, with all the spices he apparently has (but doesn’t name and criticises his wife for not using) to reel off a list of his delicious specialities. The only dishes he mentions are the ones his wife messes up.

I like and cook a variety foods. Italian, Mexican, American. I love to make country fried steak, that's probably one of my favorite meals but I only cook it ever few months as to not get worn out of it. Again, many of yall are thinking I'm barking orders at my wife or simply taking my plate into the kitchen and just throwing it away right in her face. I'm not doing that. I guess I got tired of eating undercooked or unseasoned food and now I'm getting tired of eating take out or fast food. We're in our 50's and I don't think our bodies can handle eating fast food multiple times a week simply because she doesn't want to take the time to cook something more healthy on her nights. Plus, take out and fast food gets expensive after a while.

Just take over all the cooking .......

Ask your wife to set the table, open the wine, sit and watch you cook.
Simples.

Can we set up an escape fund for the poor woman? This, if it is true, is all about power and control, not cooking.

Op

What do you think of the feedback received so far?

NotSpaghetti

Thank you for coming back 4thwin
I read that you love her which is good but somewhere along the way things have become a bit strained and difficult.

Did she play Bingo on her phone when you had children living with you or is this and Facebook relatively new? Did she cook when you still had family at home?

It sounds to me that the relationship has got a bit stuck in a rut and maybe you could seek some help and support. The cooking is just one part.
And you say she finds things about you to complain about... are you addressing those things?

If this is to be improved it may take more than cooking I feel.

Facebook bingo is a relatively new thing for her. She started hosting games on there a little more than a year ago and that has consumed her every waking moment. Back when she was cooking more I'd walk into the kitchen to see unattended pots on the stove only to find her closed off in one of the bedrooms hosting a game. She makes side money doing this and I guess I'm getting tired of always having to take a back seat to people on Facebook. Again, we'll be in church and instead of listening to the message she'll be on FB lining up players for her next game. She'll be driving and will have her phone open to FB while she's driving. I've told her I'm surprised she's not had a major wreck from constantly looking down at her phone. I'm not asking for a gourmet meal on the nights she cooks but I'm getting tired of frozen pizzas or those frozen lasagna meals that takes 6 hours to cook because they're so frozen solid.

Sounds to me as though she’s become addicted to gambling and needs treatment. Have you considered that? The more you nag her about the cooking the more she’ll retreat into her gambling habit. If she’s doing it while driving or in church that’s pretty serious.

I wonder 4thtwin if there is a pastor or priest at your church you could confide in?
They may have couple's counselling?
If the Bingo is an issue, does your wife see it as one too?

Did she cook for you all when the children were at home?

It can be strange when children fly the nest. The parents are suddenly a couple again but may not be the same as they were before the family.

there's no way a frozen lasagne could take 6 hrs to cook...

So when she was cooking you didn't like what she was doing and criticised her. But you want her to cook more.
I thought men were supposed to be logical.
Are you saying that in 20 years she has just cooked frozen peas once?
Stop nagging.
You care what you eat, so do the shopping and the cooking.
She doesn't and you can't make her.

For goodness' sake, don't introduce her to Gransnet, 4thtwin, if you think she does nothing much now, you'll get nothing at all out of her once she finds us 😲

Again, we'll be in church and instead of listening to the message she'll be on FB lining up players for her next game
And some sermons can be soooooo boring.

Could she possibly hint ANY LOUDER ?
Take her out to dinner for goodness sake!

notgran

lemsip

is your wife on gransnet too?........ if not how did you find the site?

This is an odd post. Why would you think a man would be incapable of finding "Gransnet"? Technology isn't so sophisticated that only females can discover Gransnet and any gender can post also Gran could be a diminutive of Grandpa or Grandma.

No, notgran the question is why would you think OP would go looking for Gransnet?

Smudgie

Yes, I think a man is having a joke here and enjoying winding us up. It is indeed a very long winded post and I can visualise a couple of bored men sitting at a laptop having a good laugh at us grannies clutching our pearls

Trust me, this is no joke. I assure you all this is true.

And even right now we'e in the mix of an argument. We changed cell phone carriers last week (Thurs) and I got a brand new Samsung S22 Ultra and she got the iPhone 14. I had my phone for 3 days and Sunday the mother board in my phone crashed so I lost all my photos, contacts, and everything. Let me tell you I was livid so now I am without a phone until Samsung can possibly fix mine and of course AT&T doesn't have a replacement S22 Ultra at any store in our city. I'll be without a phone for a while. I was more upset that given the 3 days I was able to use the phone I was still logging back into my different apps and things and since I wasn't expecting the phone to crash 72 hours later I hadn't gotten to the point of logging back into Google photos to back up my pics. All my newest granddaughter's birth photos are now gone. Yes I was angry last night that the store nor Samsung seemed to care about all the data I lost but my wife took it that I was yelling at her. So now she wants to keep coming into the bedroom where my work station is located and she wants to talk about how I treated her last night. I told her I wasn't mad at her but I was mad at the situation but still she took it personal. Now my wife will always say how behind she is on her work but at any point in the day I can hear her in the kitchen doing Bingo games instead of working. If she's not doing a game she collecting money from people so that she can host the game hen she does get enough people to play. We watch the baby a few days a week but my wife loves to blame her being behind on work on the baby. She's almost 2 now and she just runs from room to room with me and my wife. She plays with her toys and we have her on schedule to feed and put her down for naps at certain times. However, my wife keeps coming into the bedroom where I am wanting to talk about last night. Look, between working hours we're employees and must work. We can discuss last night when we're both off work. Plus she has a big flat screen TV in the kitchen with her and she's always streaming Netflix or Hulu so that could be a reason she's behind on her work. My wife wants to blame everyone else for her lack of whatever.

We just have issues and the more I discuss them with her the more I'm coming across as a nag.

I have an identical twin and for years our mother dressed us alike until we were almost in high school. I made the decision then to never dress like or match anyone else. Now when I pull my clothes out for church on Sunday my wife will always pull out a matching dress so we can be color coordinated. A few weeks ago I pulled out one of my blue suits that had yellow stripes in it and within 10 minutes my wife pulled out her blue and yellow dress. I waited until she was dressed then I changed suits. She got angry with me saying I just don't want to match with her. Ive told her time and time again that we don't have to match our outfits but she refuses to listen to me. "I think it's cute." Well you didn't grow up having to dress like your sister for years all day every day so you don't understand.

My wife wants to go on vacation but she wants me to plan it. We just got back from TX a few weeks ago. I told her that if she really wants to o come up with a few places to go, places to stay, and some plan on how to pay for it and do you know she refuses to do that. She wants me to do all of that. I'm suppose to take "her" on vacation. "Honey, pack a bag and take a week off work, we're going to FL."

Last week her mom sent out a group text to say that our nephew, her sister's son, was having his baby, our great nephew, christened at their church and she wanted all of us to attend. I told my wife to see if they all wanted to go out to eat after church because I know how her mom is hen the family gets together especially for an occasion like that. She told me she wasn't going to do it because the minute she did her mom would expect her to plan it. How hard is it to get a group concensus on where everyone wants to eat and call the restaurant and put us down for 15 or 20 people at a certain time? My wife hates to do anything where someone could possibly criticize her over it.

MawtheMerrier

Could she possibly hint ANY LOUDER ?
Take her out to dinner for goodness sake!

😂😂😂

I'd go on my own if I were her!!

This is definitely not about cooking.
I don’t think we are qualified to deal with your marital issues,OP, have you thought of relationship counselling?

Hithere

Op

What do you think of the feedback received so far?

I'm being roasted but I guess I expected that. I'm a guy and a guy shouldn't complain about anything his wife does or doesn't do. "If she won't do it then you do it or just accept that's just the way she is."

Many have suggested I should just cook for myself but how do you think that's gonna go over with her when I only cook enough for me? Suggestions are fine but you also have to take those suggestions one step further to see how they could possibly play out.

The further this story goes the less I m buying it

If your wife had such a severe gambling problem I think that would have been your original post not some drivel about her not being a good cook You mentioned she was often on her phone but not a word about gambling

This seems to be growing legs with each posting She’ll be a multi murderer in the next post

Perhaps your marriage has had its day You haven’t said ONE good word about her
She can’t cook
She can’t do housework
she can’t clean or dust
She can’t even chop an onion or prepare a veg
She takes 6 hours to cook a frozen lasagne
She’s a dreadful gambler
She s breaking the law constantly driving whilst on the phone etc etc
Doesn’t sound a loving and lovely marriage does it ?

Not forgetting she doesn’t “listen to the message” in church.

Germanshepherdsmum

Sounds to me as though she’s become addicted to gambling and needs treatment. Have you considered that? The more you nag her about the cooking the more she’ll retreat into her gambling habit. If she’s doing it while driving or in church that’s pretty serious.

It is but anytime I even bring it up to her she gets on the defensive. I'm in the passenger seat watching her driving 70 mph checking her facebook. This is about my safety too. In other words I just shouldn't say anything to her about anything. She's a grown woman and if that's what she wants to do then I should have no problem with it. People don't get married to still act single like they don't have to answer to anyone.

Crikey. It’s all coming out now.

"How hard is it to get a group concensus on where everyone wants to eat and call the restaurant and put us down for 15 or 20 people at a certain time? "

It is very hard and complicated to achieve that goal. Are you kidding me? If it that easy, you do it.

Do you love your wife? Do you like her as a person?

Run to marital therapy and she is a saint for putting up with you