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husband doesn't like my baking...

(129 Posts)
spabbygirl Thu 09-Mar-23 11:24:35

I retired last yr 2 yrs before husband & thought I'd take up bread & cake baking & imagined myself loading up the table with all sorts of baked goodies that would be eagerly scoffed by my husband, we never get visitors as kids live to far away. But I'm not a good cook and lots of my sourdough has not been good & during a family meal out recently when I was considering buying a new sourdough book (I love books) he winced and said I cook unusual different things that he didn't always like. I knew this cos he's just walked past so many bakes I've made & never eaten them & they get chucked out. I do add part wholemeal flour and less sugar cos it's better for my IBS which I have painstainkenly explained to him many times but I am so upset about it. I only want to just cook him lemon drizzle cake with lashings of sugar & white flour cos it's not good for me, though I do bake his stuff sometimes & I just feel that all my good intentions are rejected. I have been poorly & low lately & the timing isn't good but now I'm really hurt. am I overreacting????

Oreo Thu 09-Mar-23 11:31:59

Yeah, really think you are.
Wholemeal flour even for breadmaking isn’t always liked and for cakes it’s awful.
If he doesn't like it then it won’t get eaten by him.It’s no reflection on you it’s the ingredients and results he doesn’t care for.
If he shouldn’t have much sugar, make cupcakes, only small and you can freeze and take out when wanted.
Don’t bake as often, but when you do then make something for him and something just for you.Compromise.

GrammyGrammy Thu 09-Mar-23 11:35:42

Yes. You are not a good baker as yet. Your husband doesn't enjoy your offerings because they aren't all that good. How did you expect them to be though? You are new to baking. Go and book yourself onto a course or more and learn properly how to bake. You are setting your husband up to fail. But he is being honest. You are not five years old. Why are you attaching so much meaning and importance on your husbands response to something you are a beginner at? Leave the poor man alone and put the hours in and training in and get better at baking. You feel rejected and hurt and low after retiring? What is this all about. Not baked goods, that's for sure.

rafichagran Thu 09-Mar-23 11:38:08

I think he is just being honest, he does not like it.
If you like baking just make him what he likes sometimes. I cant understand why you are upset, my partner is a wonderful cook, but some of what he eats I dont like, he knows this and does not take offence.
I can see this from your husbands point of view to be honest.

GrammyGrammy Thu 09-Mar-23 11:42:19 need to go out and get a life! Join the WI! Get out and about and create a retirement. Think bigger.

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 09-Mar-23 11:43:08

So can I ‘rafichagran’. All this baked stuff isn’t healthy. ‘Loading up the table with all sorts of baked goodies’ for your husband to scoff? Are you trying to kill him? Can’t you find another hobby?

Oreo Thu 09-Mar-23 11:50:36

Harsh Germanshepherdsmum shock

Hithere Thu 09-Mar-23 11:51:49

Yes, you are overreacting.

Your husband has the right to his opinion and he is just pointing it out

Why are you putting your value as a person in baking and how he likes it?

Let me ask you - do you like them yourself?

You admit you modify the recipes to adjust to your issues, that could be a reason

What gap are you covering in your life with your baking being liked?

NotTooOld Thu 09-Mar-23 11:56:52

Very annoying for you! I do understand. My DH is not a big fan of my baking either although he will eat it if I leave out the sugar, which I now do all the time. My lovely Mum was an excellent baker but sighed for many years that my Dad really preferred shop bought cakes. I think you may have to live with it! It's not the end of the world, is it? Here are some flowers to cheer you up. flowers

midgey Thu 09-Mar-23 12:00:22

Retiring is really tricky, I think you are chasing dream. Don’t worry about your husband he’s just being honest!

eazybee Thu 09-Mar-23 12:05:59

Does your husband actually like cakes and bread?

Norah Thu 09-Mar-23 12:06:56


Perhaps cook what he'd like for him and what you'd prefer for you, just smaller quantity of each?

We do that every time our family come round. We eat vegan, they love much of our food; typically they prefer desserts made with eggs, butter, cream - 2 or 3 dessert choices.

grannyactivist Thu 09-Mar-23 12:13:54

My husband eats very healthily on the whole (our children used to refer to dad’s home cooked meals as ‘brown stuff’ 😂), but he adores home baking too. He bakes most of the bread we eat and it’s usually made with wholemeal flour, but the cakes I bake are made with white flour and are full of fat and sugar. So I batch bake and then freeze the cakes. Some are pre-sliced so he can simply take a slice, enjoy it - and not worry about having a heart attack. 😁

I suggest you bake delicious things that you know he likes and freeze them portioned.

Theexwife Thu 09-Mar-23 12:17:27

He has told you that he doesn’t like your baking and he has a right to do so. It is your hobby and if you want to continue then you will have to find someone else to eat it.

Hithere Thu 09-Mar-23 12:22:00

Has he asked you to bake or you take the initiative?

silverlining48 Thu 09-Mar-23 12:23:42

I was always hopeless with baking and havnt done any for years.
Why not stop the baking if it’s mostly thrown out and get out and meet other people. I joined U3A recently and am so pleased that I have. They are very friendly and my diary is filling up.
Check online there is bound to be one near you.
I hope you feel better soon. [cake]

ExDancer Thu 09-Mar-23 12:29:14

You will never make light cakes and pastries when wholemeal flour is used, even if you're called Mary Berry.
Just as an experiment, buy one of those cake 'mixes' (buy a good one, not one of the 'own brand' supermarket ones) and bake it carefully according to the instructions. Don't be tempted to tweak it with less sugar or such.
Present I dh without explaining and see if he likes it.

Granmarderby10 Thu 09-Mar-23 12:32:42

spabbygirl I feel for you and think some of the comments above are harsh and unjustified.
Buy or borrow as many books as you want, it’s what I do and study them as with any other interest.
I always want to bake things that are not so easily available or just too expensive in shops, for example Rum Babas’ or Danish pastry type stuff or meringues because I LIKE THEM and I am greedy! Do this without any fanfare and tell him to bog off if he interferes.
If they don’t turn out right, just chuck them away and try again with something else that takes your fancy. It should be something you want to eat yourself.
Also out of curiosity maybe I would ask him just what he thinks you ought to be spending your time doing, and what he is enthusiastic about, because I have experienced this myself whereby people who don’t think what your doing has any measurable value, then seek to pour scorn on something that can and should be a joy, just as much as painting a picture or acquiring a pet.
Keep on keeping on girl 🥧🍪🧁🥐😋

silverlining48 Thu 09-Mar-23 12:35:58

I can’t even get a cake icon work grin

notgran Thu 09-Mar-23 12:45:32

Let's look at this another way. Your husband has retired before you and has taken up the hobby of woodwork. He makes shelves that aren't straight, a garden table that is ugly and wonky, a laptop holder that doesn't... These items are about the home and are basically waiting to be chucked out when it finally dawns on your husband you don't appreciate his efforts. A friend had a real struggle going through just this and trying to not upset her husband by telling him his efforts are just not appreciated. Find your self another hobby that doesn't need your husband's opinion, for you to enjoy it.

LRavenscroft Thu 09-Mar-23 12:47:00

Why don't you follow the basic Mary Berry recipes for Victoria sandwich and lemon drizzle video on You Tube and on the BBC Good Food site? She has helped me go from zero to hero with her tips. You must have the right quantities, follow instructions to the letter, cake tins and equipment, and oven position and temperature or else it just doesn't work. Good luck and please keep us posted how you go. My initial cakes were frisbees! There is always hope.

BridgetPark Thu 09-Mar-23 12:49:45

oh Spabbygirl, people are so harsh on here. I am in a similar position to you, I retired last year and am floundering about trying to develop a rewarding routine, but the weather and circumstances are restricting me somewhat.
I have a similar situation regarding husband liking my baking. Today i tried to make welsh cakes, for the first time. Husband laughed and asked why I had made biscuits, as they turned out so thin. I nearly threw them in the bin, but thought I would see what they tasted like. Do you know what, they taste blooming delicious, just are thin and crumbly. I made hubby try one, and he finished them all off!!
My point is, I don't need critiscism at the moment, I am too fragile and tearful, so when he scoffed the lot, I was elated. I know that is pathetic, but its just how I am, at the moment. I just need tolerance. But I know I overreact and am too sensitive, but I cannot help it. I am hoping, in time, things get better and I can get back to my usual indifference, and telling people to if it's called for. So don't feel bad, there are plenty of people on here who have more empathy and sympathy for you, than you could know. Sending love and hugs, hope things improve, for us both!!

Siope Thu 09-Mar-23 12:51:37

I bake and I know how much fun it is, so this is all meant kindly:

most baking is a science, and you can’t randomly tweak many recipes by leaving something out, or changing one ingredient for another, without knowing how to compensate for those changes. Sugar, for example, is what yeast feeds on, so reducing it in bread, without making other changes, causes problems. You need to understand the function of ingredients before you start making amendments. A course would certainly help.

most baked goods aren’t healthy, and small changes won’t often make them so. If you want healthy food, eat vegetables. Baked goods are occasional treats.

if you don’t want to make things that are too sugary, consider savoury baking (where wholemeal flour will generally work better than in sweet things too). If you want sugar free cakes, make scones!

don’t be disheartened - it takes time, some reading/courses to understand the science, and practice. Perfect one or two techniques before you move on to others

But as others have said, consider other hobbies and interests too. If you don’t want to join groups - as an introvert, I’m not madly interested in that - think what you could do instead. And if the answer is that you want to bake, get some training and practice and consider volunteering to do so somewhere; I make cakes for , and I have a couple of baker friends who make pies and desserts for an older people’s lunch club.

Blossoming Thu 09-Mar-23 13:15:21

I remember you asked about this last year Spsbbygirl and I guess the situation hasn’t changed. I honestly think I’d have given up baking for your husband by now, I’m not a good baker!

Elegran Thu 09-Mar-23 13:16:37

Some comments here -

1) I noticed that you had no success making sourdough bread. Using dried yeast is much easier than sourdough. Yout just add the packet, or the appropriate amount, to your strong flour (white rises better than wholemeal), salt, sugar, oil and water. No faffing about making the sourdough starter.

2) The taste of sourdough bread is quite different to bread made with ordinary dried yeast. Does your husband even like bought SD bread? I don't, but I love the yeasted bread I make in my breadmaker. (PS - buy a breadmaker! - or get him to buy you one next birthday)

3) Yeast needs sugar, too little and it fails to do it's duty so the bread is heavy. Bread with no salt tastes dull. Without oil or butter, it doesn't last as long and soon goes dry. That is why these ingredients are in most bread recipes.

4)Tried and tested recipes work . Until you are proficient at baking "by the book" don't try tweaking ingredients. I remember reading long ago that while for ordinary cooking the confidence to throw in random amounts of stuff made for delicious and imaginative meals, for successful baking it was better to keep to traditional proportions and to measure accurately.