Gransnet forums


husband doesn't like my baking...

(130 Posts)
spabbygirl Thu 09-Mar-23 11:24:35

I retired last yr 2 yrs before husband & thought I'd take up bread & cake baking & imagined myself loading up the table with all sorts of baked goodies that would be eagerly scoffed by my husband, we never get visitors as kids live to far away. But I'm not a good cook and lots of my sourdough has not been good & during a family meal out recently when I was considering buying a new sourdough book (I love books) he winced and said I cook unusual different things that he didn't always like. I knew this cos he's just walked past so many bakes I've made & never eaten them & they get chucked out. I do add part wholemeal flour and less sugar cos it's better for my IBS which I have painstainkenly explained to him many times but I am so upset about it. I only want to just cook him lemon drizzle cake with lashings of sugar & white flour cos it's not good for me, though I do bake his stuff sometimes & I just feel that all my good intentions are rejected. I have been poorly & low lately & the timing isn't good but now I'm really hurt. am I overreacting????

dogsmother Thu 09-Mar-23 14:01:20

I’m sorry for you… it’s rude of people here to be so thoughtless. I’m not sure if certain posters dislike the way some of of us “sound “ When we post but certainly I’ve had some hurtful responses too always from the same posters.
But the retirement and baking, I agree if it’s what you’re really wanting to do can you sign up to a course and then perhaps use the skills in a voluntary way?

MawtheMerrier Thu 09-Mar-23 14:02:09

Tell him you hear what he is saying and that you intend to take up crocheting instead

ExDancer Thu 09-Mar-23 14:20:33

Spabby I was fobbed off for years by consultants who diagnosed me with ibs and had me baking and cooking with added fibre to everything.

Then I found this group
and never looked back. I no longer have to watch what I eat or include extra roughage with everything, just pop a pill every night and I can bake what I fancy

dogsmother Thu 09-Mar-23 14:25:20


Norah Thu 09-Mar-23 14:26:05


Tell him you hear what he is saying and that you intend to take up crocheting instead

Great idea. I'll choose the dish on the right, in white. grin

lovebeigecardigans1955 Thu 09-Mar-23 14:34:28

It's a shame that your efforts are not appreciated spabby and I fully understand why you're hurt by his response. Some of the posters on here have been a bit harsh. I'd suggest that you make things which you know you can tolerate in smaller batches for yourself. It takes time and effort to excel at baking, to find out which combinations work, so don't feel discouraged at early failures.

SachaMac Thu 09-Mar-23 14:50:39

Part of the joy of baking is seeing people tucking in and enjoy your efforts so I understand your frustration. I’d try and keep it simple, basic sponge recipes, scones etc, if he still doesn’t enjoy them I’d give up and just get him a cake from the local bakers. Making bread at home can be very hit and miss which is why most people don’t bother. You could try a bread making machine but judging by the number I’ve seen for sale in charity shops they’re not foolproof either.

timetogo2016 Thu 09-Mar-23 14:55:04

Just stop baking for him.

Dinahmo Thu 09-Mar-23 15:15:16

My GM taught me how to bake when I was young. We used to put 2 eggs on one side of the scales and measure all the other ingredients on the other side (separately of course) We made brilliant Victoria sandwich cake.

There are now many recipes making what the Americans call a batter where you mix more or less everything together.

It's not difficult but if you go down the conventional room your eggs and butter must be at room temperature.

I often make a chocolate olive oil cake which substitutes ground almonds for flour. It's delicious. I often make it for lunches and serve with a berry compote and creme fraiche. It's a Nigella recipe.

I think it's a good idea to watch a video of someone making a cake. Because you might not know what is meant by a dropping consistency. If you make a proper egg custard you learn to take it off the heat as soon as the liquid stops moving when you stop stirring which can be difficult to recognise if you haven't seen it. Once you have it's obvious.

Good luck.

VickyB Thu 09-Mar-23 15:47:18

Take comfort from this. I like to make my own (healthy veg filled) soups, my adult children who love my spiced parsnip one, have all asked for the recipe and now make it for themselves however my husband prefers tinned soup.

valdali Thu 09-Mar-23 16:18:13

My husband also is weird about my baking. I baked for people in the office & it was very appreciated (also at cake sales). But him & my mum have been in a 30 year conspiracy to make me think I can't bake ( I made rock cakes as a kid for a competition, she said she was ashamed to enter them but floods of tears later we did, & they won first prize). He used to tell me he didn't like cakes /pies & then if we were at Mums he would wait for me to say he didnt like them then ostentatiously eat hers & compliment her. They used to laugh! He eagerly eats my baking now (more of a sweet tooth with age) and I honestly think to him it was just a joke to wind me up. I'm glad I persevered as I like baking much more than cooking a meal.But I don't think you're over-reacting, it's really upsetting when people don't appreciate your food.

MawtheMerrier Thu 09-Mar-23 16:25:00

I think, for what it is worth that if we are meant to be speechless in wonder and impressed by their DIY skills, ability to diagnose mechanical faults under the bonnet or to mow lawns in nice wide stripes (Paw could do none of these) husbands should wear our hand knitted creations without grumbling, eat what we cook for them day in day out also without grumbling, and be blimmin grateful for a home baked sponge, even if it does look like an oversized biscuit.
If you want to bake as a hobby, have a coffee morning in aid of something you support and tell him to get his own cuppa.

MerylStreep Thu 09-Mar-23 16:35:03


So can I ‘rafichagran’. All this baked stuff isn’t healthy. ‘Loading up the table with all sorts of baked goodies’ for your husband to scoff? Are you trying to kill him? Can’t you find another hobby?

Maybe there’s a cunning plan 🤔
Apologies if I’ve offended, couldn’t help it.

pandapatch Thu 09-Mar-23 16:51:53

I also belong to our local U3A, which keeps me very busy. Also they are always looking for people to bake cakes for various meetings etc.

spabbygirl Thu 09-Mar-23 17:15:54

thanks so much for that!!!

spabbygirl Thu 09-Mar-23 17:21:50

thanks so much for that all!! I think if someone cooked for me I'd be jolly grateful, of course it's upsetting to have someone belittle your cooking, hubby gets cross enough when someone doesn't like something you've done. Anyway, I'm going to get myself another hobby as you've suggested. Thanks everyone

silverlining48 Thu 09-Mar-23 17:32:34

Good for you spabbygirl.

silverlining48 Thu 09-Mar-23 17:33:56

No one do far has mentioned baking at my U3a group ....if they do I will keep quiet 🤫

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 09-Mar-23 17:53:44

If my husband doesn’t like something I cook I simply don’t serve it to him again, unless it’s capable of being changed to his liking.

Glorianny Thu 09-Mar-23 18:41:40

I'm not a baker. My DSs always preferred shop bought cakes. I am however great at pastry (no idea why) so if I want to make something that will get eaten I make a pie.
But there is so much you can do in retirement. I've joined the U3a as well and there is a great choice of groups.
Your local library or museum might have courses you could try as well. Have fun and explore everything.

henetha Thu 09-Mar-23 19:12:13

I feel a bit sad for you. Good luck with future efforts , if you intend to continue.

Urmstongran Thu 09-Mar-23 19:16:13

and be blimmin grateful for a home baked sponge, even if it does look like an oversized biscuit

Thank you Maw for my best chuckle of the day!

And spabby kudos to you for trying! I’d have knocked it in the head ages ago. You baked ... he didn’t like it ... fair enough. He doesn’t love your healthy cakes.
But I bet he loves you.
That’s what’s important. 😊

HeavenLeigh Thu 09-Mar-23 19:37:10

I think he’s just being honest

pascal30 Thu 09-Mar-23 19:45:59

So glad I live on my own..

Chardy Thu 09-Mar-23 20:07:44

There's something lovely about giving a loved one something you've made yourself, so I don't think it unreasonable to hope for a little appreciation.