Boundaries and one on one time with adult son.

Go with the flow

Your son is not single - he is married and it is normal a dinner just with him on his bday weekend doesn't sit well with him and his wife

Dorrain

My question is about spending time with my adult son without his partner. I asked him if we could have dinner at a local restaurant, its his birthday on the weekend so I thought it'd be nice.

They've planned an afternoon gathering with family and friends to celebrate, and while I'm happy to have been invited and will be going along these events are always hectic.

I thought it'd be nice just to share a meal together but his wife has invited herself along.

I don't know whether to speak with him about just the two of use meeting or just go with the flow?

The dinner isn't on this birthday weekend it was just a weeknight meal at a local cafe. Didn't explain myself too well.

Go with the flow.
Not sure what you mean by "boundaries" in this context.
There is nothing in his or her behaviour that is amiss.

Go with the flow.

Go with the flow
I think it’s a bit of a strange request, once someone is married social life will normally encompass both That doesn’t mean you never see him alone of course you can, but a dinner invitation or social event would be rude to not invite his wife as well and the best way to put a rift in the marriage.

It wouldn’t even cross my mind to invite my son out for dinner and not include his wife , when they are married they come as a couple . Why would you want to single your son out for dinner in celebration of his birthday ? I’m sure that invitation wouldn’t go down well with his wife and would cause an unnecessary rift between you .

I think this is strange, excluding his wife on a dinner she would know about is going to cause resentment. If there are private family matters to discuss with him do it over a coffee one morning, if it’s just your maternal attachment he’s a big boy now let go.

I agree with previous posters, your son is someone's husband now and that takes precedence. Don't cause family rifts by pursuing this.

Spot on sodapop.

OP

How often do you meet your son 1:1 for a meal without his wife?

Goodness, I don’t think I’d ever expect a dd to have dinner with me without their spouse or partner - not unless there were special circs, and I don’t mean birthdays.

It wouldn't occur to me to exclude my DILs from a meal with my sons. I know they would be quite hurt.

Occasionally I meet my son on his own for coffee, if I am in town. His office is right in the city centre! It is good to catch up.
The last time it was just the two of us, was when I was in hospital. We did say it was lovely having the time to chat.

Have you considered how you may have felt had your MIL requested to dine with your husband but not yourself?

Wouldn't want to be without my lovely daughter in law.

I'm with Sago on this one. I would have and did find it highly insulting when my late MIL tried to get my husband to herself, not just for meals but for other occasions as well.
Many years ago I made the quip"I feel like Princess Diana walking two steps behind the Queen and Prince Charles"

I would have been grateful to have been invited to the family gathering and left it at that.

I don't remember ever having time with either of my sons without their partners

Maybe DIL said - "Oh how brilliant - I would love to see MIL and come along too!" You should be flattered!

It occurred to me recently that I never see my two adult children without their partners, but that is how it is; I am included in many of their family gatherings and I appreciate that.
Not good to issue an invitation for a specific event to your son only.

I can understand that you wish to spend special time with your son but I think that if you push this idea you might risk offending his partner.. have a coffee as others have suggested

Dorrain

Dorrain

My question is about spending time with my adult son without his partner. I asked him if we could have dinner at a local restaurant, its his birthday on the weekend so I thought it'd be nice.

They've planned an afternoon gathering with family and friends to celebrate, and while I'm happy to have been invited and will be going along these events are always hectic.

I thought it'd be nice just to share a meal together but his wife has invited herself along.

I don't know whether to speak with him about just the two of use meeting or just go with the flow?

The dinner isn't on this birthday weekend it was just a weeknight meal at a local cafe. Didn't explain myself too well.

I dont think there was anything wrong with you anticipating a low key outing with just your son dorrain.

Perhaps the invite 'got lost in translation'.

Probably best to carry on with the new arrangement, sweetly, without saying anything

Frankly, if we play the counter argument, and say a male partner invited themselves along to his female partners lunch date, there would be an outcry!🤣

I find this a very strange thing to want to do 🤔

Mind you, I have been out with DIL and her Mum when DS has been at work. I hope he doesn't feel left out.

I often meet up with dd for a chat at the coffee shop. Her dh is usually at work and probably not interested in our chat. He also often meets up with his dad at football. I think low key meets like this are good. However, inviting one out for dinner without the other is just not on.

Sorry Dorrain - no, no, no, - this is way out of order.

Having a meal out with just your son without his wife is, frankly, odd.
Please welcome his wife into your life. Don't forget he has chosen her and she is the person who most makes him happy (we hope).

A birthday "dinner at a local restaurant" because his birthday is at the weekend is surely somethinghe would want to do with his wife? If they are both coming to your meal then be happy. They are giving you a chance to have a more intimate time than the "celebration" that they are also including you in.

You will best keep your relationship with your son by loving his wife, I think.

Just realised that my husband and I are going to be going out for dinner this week with his mother for my husband's birthday.
She asked us both.