30 year old man in a big age gap relationship

If you don't see a problem why should anyone else? It's not as though either of you is very young or very old

Grammaretto

If you don't see a problem why should anyone else? It's not as though either of you is very young or very old

You're right, I'm just fed up with being judged in my life. I was criticized by everyone growing up, including my own parents and friends, whenever I offer criticism people silence me. I just want my relationship to be appreciated and not criticized. I'm at a point in my life where I'm not really passive anymore, if people are overtly aggressive towards me, I stick up for myself.

The only problem I accept is the possibility of no biological kids, that's really the only problem I have no control over.

If that would be a barrier, the no children, then I can see it could alter things.
You may have regrets later on.

My DSiL married a younger man when she already had children and didn't want any more.
He accepted that and now is a loving step gf to her DGC.

After only four months you're not obliged to introduce your girlfriend to your family if you are still working through aspects of your relationship yourselves.

It's more important for the two of you to think through and talk about any potential concerns that you can see might be an issue in years to come, without interference or criticism from other people which it sounds like you're expecting.

It's early days still, so just relax and enjoy each others company 🥰

V3ra

After only four months you're not obliged to introduce your girlfriend to your family if you are still working through aspects of your relationship yourselves.

It's more important for the two of you to think through and talk about any potential concerns that you can see might be an issue in years to come, without interference or criticism from other people which it sounds like you're expecting.

It's early days still, so just relax and enjoy each others company 🥰

She's already been open with me and expressed she is looking to have kids, she believes she is capable. We got to know each other last year when we decided to date, she was in one abusive relationship and her last relationship was in her late 20s. Logically I should have left when she expressed wanting kids, but I'm not operating on logic because I'm interested in her.

I'm just focusing on the moment, just focusing on the dates and having sex, I will need to deal with repercussions when I arrive at that point.

It is unlikely she will be able to conceive and have a full term pregnancy at 45/46 although it very occasionally happens. Could you consider adoption ?

He’s only been in the relationship four months why even think about adoption or even pregnancy it’s a fun brand new relationship as he says in his words at the moment he’s just concentrating on having fun and sex
Stay that way, have fun…. after such a tiny period of time it’s far too early to think about the future. You may not be together in 6 months time and you will have spoilt the whole experience by worrying about the future
What will be will be and plenty of time to think about children when you have both decided you are wanting to make a life together
Calm down forget the future for now and enjoy each other and the times you are having together

You are overthinking it, enjoy what you have and don’t look too far into the future.

However, if you want children then don’t underestimate the problems it might cause.

You are not really thinking of children right now but she is (if I've read this correctly) because she is aware that every month makes a baby less likely. Once you reach 45 your fertility is usually very low - so that a natural pregnancy is unlikely for most people. You will know this I expect - but it's probably hard to take on board if you are a woman wanting children. There are also more problems for older mothers, higher risks during pregnancy and labour and unfortunately more genetic mutations for the baby.

I would say that this is a new relationship and you have no real idea yet if it has longevity. I realise that no one really knows but I feel that you are fairly new to dating and should not be rushing at it.

The desire for children is possibly a shadow over the relationship and whilst it's unlikely it is obviously possible that your partner could become pregnant naturally. Please don't just have a baby accidentally by having sex unprotected at this stage.

I'm another who feels that you should introduce your partner to your parents when you are ready.
If it were me I'd probably talk about her first but maybe others wouldn't do that.

Are you still living at home?

If you have had other relationships you will know how all consuming a new relationship can be. I feel it needs to settle down a bit before you should be looking at a family but understand the pressure of time on your girlfriend.

I would be inclined to talk about adoption if you know you both want a family eventually - as this may reduce the importance of a quick baby and allow your relationship to develop more "normally". Most relationships at four months are not having to address this type of life-changing issue.

I can't tell what your parents' reaction may be but I expect they will worry about it or you would not come to Gransnet to ask questions. If I'm honest (and I do have children in their 30s) I would want to know (and see) how much the two of you "gel" - how you pull together and support each other and that would probably sway me more than the actual ages.

I would want to know (and see) how much the two of you "gel" - how you pull together and support each other and that would probably sway me more than the actual ages

But he’s 30 !!! the parents don’t need any involvement unless he’s mentally unwell or very reliant on them because of illness or delayed development

Just take your ‘friend’ to meet your family when and if you feel like it and be totally casual about it Malayhee
The future will take care of itself

I know BlueBelle - but as he's asking about parents I felt the need to address it.
I actually feel as you do: Just take your ‘friend’ to meet your family when and if you feel like it

I personally would probably not have taken a four month relationship home - but neither would I have come onto a forum to discuss it!

He may be wanting fun but if she is wanting children then her priorities will be different.

You sound very “young”. OP for a man of 30.
I wonder if you are attracted to older women because you feel insecure?
As others have said, you may be overthinking this- if as you say you are focusing on dates and having sex it hardly sounds like a relationship for life.
Introducing her to your family may indeed be a game changer as she may well be made aware of how young you are - not the other way round
Just relax and enjoy the relationship.

NotSpaghetti - hear, hear.

I'm curious, OP - what made you think of asking this question on Gransnet?

Is this a genuine post? Assumed it was a wind-up…

Dotty123

Is this a genuine post? Assumed it was a wind-up…

Why?
It’s not exactly implausible.

The baby thing really is the issue here isn’t it.
I know that it’s early days, but you need to find out if you both want the same things from the relationship.

I have a huge gap with my DH. He had had the snip; I was ambivalent about having children, I don’t actually think that it would have been right for me. So we were always on the same page.

A close relative married a few years ago.
He definitely did not want children, and was very clear about it.
She definitely did want children, and foolishly thought that she could ‘win him round to it’.
The marriage was inevitably a disaster

Dotty123

Is this a genuine post? Assumed it was a wind-up…

My friend met a man who was 18 yrs younger than her ( she was 54 at the time )
She was very reluctant to go with it, I persuaded her to go for it.
Still together 20 yrs later.

FannyCornforth

Dotty123

Is this a genuine post? Assumed it was a wind-up…

Why?
It’s not exactly implausible.

The question in itself is perfectly plausible, but personally I find the fact that it is being asked on Gransnet of all places rather suspicious strange.

Schools have broken up in many parts of the country…

I did wonder if it was a wind up and I did wonder why a 30 year old man would chose a granny site to ask the question ??? perhaps he thought we d all forgotten what sex is … how wrong can a ‘young un’ be

Enjoy your life and talk to your mates about it, not grannies.

Nice one Meryl

I assumed that the fellow in question wanted to seek advice from wise, older women.

Perhaps I’m naive!

Why are you all assuming Malayhee is male?

I have a friend who has just married a man 35 years younger than him- they are both male.