My DIL will not allow my grandchildren to see my Daughter.

If it’s a day when she is normally living with you I don’t think it’s for them to say she can’t be there. On those days it is her home.

If the days when you look after the children are days when she would normally be at her fathers I think it would be wrong to have her over when you know the parents don’t wish that.

I agree Lathyrus.

Anpther who agrees with Lathyrus. If your daughter would normally be at your home when your son's children are there then he has to accept it or find someone else to look after them on that day.

I do not want to have to be in the position where i have to tell any of my family to stay away from my home. I have my granddaughters on a Tuesday and Saturday. Currently my daughter works on those days but when she has the baby she will be here on Saturdays. I also don't want my DIL to say I can't see my grandaughters.

We have a farm and my daughter is here most days as she has horses here so even when she is at her fathers or at her home previously she came before and after work.

This should be : daughter-in-law will not allow her children to see their aunt. The incident took place at your ex-husband's home.
Wait until your daughter in law tells you what she wants, then deal with it accordingly.

You say that things have bobbed along albeit uncomfortable when they meet at my house or their dads house so I think there's no reason for them not to "bob along" in future.

They have not told you that you can't have the children when your daughter is there. I expect they will get over it if they want help with childcare!

If your daughter is living with you they will have to put up with it I think.

It's unreasonable to be made to choose between your child and your grandchildren! If they are awkward about it I'd remind them of this.

Can the fall-out be mended I wonder?

another set of parents thinking they can control their parents' living spaces.. don't let them.. if you choose to look after your daughter when she needs you, then just tell them they can find another solution to their childminding.. maybe then they'll grow up.. it's such entitled behaviour

Tell your son to sort things out with his sister or you will not be able to have the children at your house, speak to your ex-husband and ask if he would do the same.

I have a bad feeling about this. Was the falling out over something serious or do you feel DIL over reacted? My (now ex) DIL created a rift between herself and my DD - and having stopped DS having a relationship with his sister decided she didn't want us in their life either. Tread carefully

I also agree with everyone's responses. pascal's right, if they do say your D cannot be in your home when the children are there then tell them they'll have to make other arrangements.

I understand that you're worried that you'll be stopped from seeing your GC grannynoonoo but hopefully if you're politely firm, it wont come to that.

I do wish these parents would stop using their children to punish others with by withholding contact with no thought about how this could impact on them.

You've said your GD's adore their aunt so why effectively punish them when there's no need.

I hope you can find a workable solution and wish you luck.

I am confused now.
Daughter fell out with her brother and his fiancé and there is also another son?
My son and his wife have a 3 year old and a 2 year old.

If the son with the wife and children had fallen out with your daughter it makes more sense - but it's the son with the fiancée who fell out with the daughter it seems.

Why had the other son got involved? Has your daughter since fallen out with the son with a fiancée too?

I feel that I haven't quite got this.
Sorry.

Either way. Can it be mended?

Apologies it is the same son. They are getting married next month.

I agree with pascal30 and smileless. I am astonished by the number of grandparents being held hostage by their adult children who use grandchildren as a weapon. Such entitlement to think they can dictate who sees who within the family. Your DD has enough on her plate; it is not up to your son and his fiancee to dictate who visits your or your ex husband's home. Just how do they plan to tell their children that they cannot see their beloved auntie?

why don't they trust her.
ultimately, it's their decision who their children are exposed to.
i imagine they were more annoyed about the w/e because they were not present when their children were mixing with the aunt.
whereas at your house they are present, so can monitor any interaction.
you have to think carefully.
estrangement starts like this.
whatever the rights and wrongs, it is their decision.

of course it is up to the parents whom they allow to see their children.
who else's decision would it be ??

welbeck, then it's up to the parents to arrange alternate childcare. I wouldn't let anyone dictate to me about who's 'allowed' in my house - all are welcome.

So your son and his sister do not get along- it is up to them to address it and fix it, nothing you can do there

I would stop trying to get both siblings and their kids in the same room

As for her aunt being in the house at the same time their kids are - sensitive subject

Yes, it is your house and if she is there, the parents can tell you she cannot be there

At the same time, if the parents don't want their kids because they don't trust her - it is their prerogative to search for a different babysitting arrangement

Too much missing info here - why do they think your daughter is not trustworthy? What happened?

Small kids love people because they have a good time, give them candy, and do fun things, etc
It doesn't mean, generally speaking, those adults are safe people

The question is have they never trusted her? I suspect the answer to that is yes, until the fall out.

Your son and DIL are the parents. They made the decisions. You don’t have to like the decisions they make, but you have to respect them. Don’t make yourself the middle man in the conflict between these adults.

It’s clear you judge them, the quip about them going away from the weekend was neither helpful nor any of your business.

If you cannot abide, that is perfectly fine. Tell them. Do not lie to get your way. They are the parents and if they do not want your daughter around their children, be honest and let them make other arrangements. But stay out of it.

And stop placing all of your clear anger on your DIL. Your son and his wife made a parenting decision. Don’t create your villain out if half of the couple just because your feelings are hurt about your daughter.

but it is the OP who would miss the GC, i get the feeling she sees it as enjoyable to look after them, rather than as a work task, which it really is.
so, she has to think carefully.
if the parents will not allow their children to be in the aunt's presence, and the aunt is in OP's house, then it follows that the children will not be there.

Smileless2012

I also agree with everyone's responses. pascal's right, if they do say your D cannot be in your home when the children are there then tell them they'll have to make other arrangements.

I understand that you're worried that you'll be stopped from seeing your GC grannynoonoo but hopefully if you're politely firm, it wont come to that.

I do wish these parents would stop using their children to punish others with by withholding contact with no thought about how this could impact on them.

You've said your GD's adore their aunt so why effectively punish them when there's no need.

I hope you can find a workable solution and wish you luck.

You have zero insight as to why these parents don’t want the daughter around and you’ve miraculously jumped to the conclusion that they are using their children to punish people.

No matter how much we cannot get around our own situations, we don’t get to judge who parents should feel their children are safe around. It’s not a group decision. If the OP cannot see the grand without her daughter, all she needs to is say so. It’s not up to her to tell these parents who is and isn’t safe for their children to be around.

Smileless2012

The question is have they never trusted her? I suspect the answer to that is yes, until the fall out.

And?? Relationships and perceptions change. It’s allowed in life. People learn things about family they’ve known since birth and decide at various points that they no longer want to or should continue a relationship. Who says that any point in life should be a state if permanence, much less relations between people who don’t get along? The daughter clearly displayed behavior or said something that broke the couple’s trust. They are allowed to decide she wasn’t fit to be around the children. Parenting decisions don’t need committee agreement.

Yes, that's my conclusion lyleLyle and it's of no interest to me whether you agree or not.