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Do you still get upset?

(59 Posts)
Huia Sat 17-Feb-24 05:17:28

If someone is rude and unpleasant to you in public do you still get bothered? I do and I wish I could just brush it off, after all I’m 78! So is it just me?

grandMattie Sat 17-Feb-24 05:31:33

I still get deeply hurt if forgotten for some event, or from a particularly cutting throwaway line…
I wish too I didn’t have such thin skin, but am very, very careful not to let it show.

Curtaintwitcher Sat 17-Feb-24 06:41:13

If you are a sensitive person, any unpleasantness affects you. It doesn't seem to be possible to develop a thick skin. You learn not to show it, so the other person doesn't have the satisfaction of knowing they upset you.

downtoearth Sat 17-Feb-24 07:09:11

Yes I am very thin skinned,and get hurt very easily,which makes me very aware when speaking/ writing to others how easy it is to maybe without intention inflict pain.

M0nica Sat 17-Feb-24 07:14:28

Your post is very vague. can you give an example about what you mean. I suspect you have a specific event in mind

Generally if someone was rude and unpleasant to me in public how I responded would be determined by who it was.

If it was some one emotionally close to me - partner, child, close friend and we were out together - yes, it would be upsetting.

If it was someone unknown to me, who perhaps I accidentally bumped in to, - and had apologised and they turned to me and they said smething to me like 'stupid cow'. I would be amused.

rosie1959 Sat 17-Feb-24 07:36:54

As Monica posts it depends what the event was I don’t have friends or family that would be unpleasant to me in public. As for the very odd occasion if it is someone unknown to me again it depends on the situation. If I do something wrong I will immediately apologise but if not the thought up yours goes through my head. I am not responsible for other peoples actions.

Redhead56 Sat 17-Feb-24 09:18:15

Someone close to me or knows me wouldn’t usually say something rude or be unpleasant. If a complete stranger was that’s different I would tell them how very rude they are. I worked with the public for years and grew thick skin quickly.

Luckygirl3 Sat 17-Feb-24 09:29:53

In situations when someone has behaved in a way that I do not like, I always try to say to myself ..... this may not be about me; I do not know what else is going on in that person's life.

flappergirl Sat 17-Feb-24 09:32:36

If the comment was from a stranger (bumping into someone in the supermarket or a rude shop assistant for example) I would tend to get more angry than upset and stew on the many Oscar Wildesque retorts I could have made at the time.

If it was from someone closer to home such as a work colleague or neighbour, with whom I usually had a good relationship, I would ask them what I had done to upset them and try to sort out any problems.

If it was from a family member, especially my son, I would be absolutely mortified and deeply hurt to the point of tears and wanting to hide away.

Either way, I think there are very few people who can genuinely ignore or laugh off rude or hurtful comments.

Nell8 Sat 17-Feb-24 09:48:04

Get bothered? You bet!

I was walking down the pavement in our High Street aware that three young men were coming towards me, side by side. When we met they grudgingly let me through and one said, in a thick foreign accent "I tell old vimmin to valk in the road".

Livid? I was so upset I wanted to rush after them and clout them with my handbag. Only I knew I'd end up in the gutter and that made me even angrier.

I still get palpitations thinking about it!

blueskies6 Sat 17-Feb-24 10:04:37

I know I'm (over) sensitive in many situations, whether with members of the public or in personal relationships, it's a constant battle. What I do find helpful is to remember that it is usually more to do with the other person and something they are going through so not too take it personally.

M0nica Sat 17-Feb-24 10:08:43

I wouldn't have been upset*Nell8*. I would have given as good as I got and repliedalong the lines, of'Your country, maybe but in this country we don't'

Reminds me of a friend, brought up in southern Africa who spoke fluent Swahili(I think). She worked for a multi-national company and was in the lift one day, when two African men got in and between them discussed her multiple charms in swahili. As she got out she turned to them, and in pefect swahili said. You need to be careful when talking like that, you never know who may understand you. I undestand that their faces were a picture!

hollysteers Sat 17-Feb-24 10:12:01

Nell8 that’s so so rude and with my short wick, I’m afraid I would have challenged them, knowing it was a risk, but I wouldn’t be able to stop myself.😡

Elless Sat 17-Feb-24 10:37:24

Oh it's the bane of my life. I take everything to heart and over think things people say and do. I've always wanted to be able to come back with brilliant one liners but can never think of anything until too late.

Marydoll Sat 17-Feb-24 10:40:41

Normally, I don't say much and walk away. However this morning someone upset me on this forum (I'm a bit fragile just now) and I had a rant. I couldn't help myself.
I think it depends on how you are feeling at that moment in time.

BlueBelle Sat 17-Feb-24 10:41:32

I do go over and over things and try to see what I said wrong or what was perceived to be wrong and always manage to blame myself and think why didn’t I say this or do that

Oreo Sat 17-Feb-24 12:32:30

I just get annoyed rather than upset tbh. At least by anything said by a stranger.If a friend or family member says anything upsetting, and we all do at times often without thinking, then I mull it over a bit to think are they right?If they aren’t then I do feel miffed but move on, life’s too short.

Namsnanny Sat 17-Feb-24 12:42:08

My reactions would be similar to Bluebell, but I'd like to be more like Oreo😄

petra Sat 17-Feb-24 12:57:33

My response would have stated with an oi!!! in a loud voice ( and I have a very loud voice 😂) I won’t print here what would follow but they would be very aware of my anger 😡

HelterSkelter1 Sat 17-Feb-24 12:58:25

I am trying to remember the title of a tv programme from years back where, like the post above and the fluent Swahili, a not very well spoken secretary was left with 2 German business men who proceeded to discuss the business deal and their take on it, while the British men, of course at that time, were out of the room.

When the deal was finalised with all present, she surprised the Germans by conversing with them in fluent German and thanking them for all the extra useful information they had provided. I know that is not quite what the thread is about, but the Swahili post reminded me. I have never forgotten it.... but the name of the series escapes me!

M0nica Sat 17-Feb-24 15:17:14

I always work on the basis that people make remarks without engaging their brain first and it never occurs to them how upsetting or offensive their remarks are. In which case, it is pointless to get upset.

Alternatively they make the remarks deliberately to offend In which case I treat the remark and remarker with the contempt they deserve.

Huia Sat 17-Feb-24 19:24:00

Monica you said there was likely a particular situation that made me write. Yes!
I’m on a committee for a retired people organisation. A newish member has on a number of occasions cut me off in a discussion about topics. The other day she did this twice. It was so blatant that she popped over and apologised when the meeting ended. However I am still upset. I don’t know why she does this and it makes me wonder why she doesn’t like me and then wonder if everyone agrees with her. I can’t seem to banish this ridiculous rumination! It makes me feel slightly sick even. Now I realise much worse things happen and it is not akin to being so called “cancelled”. I look and sound confident but in fact am not! So I end up thinking ‘goodness I’m nearly 80 and these people still manage to spoil my week’. I got bullied and put in coventry at boarding school when I was 10 and I think that makes me more fragile. But I just wondered if everyone feels things the way I do.

M0nica Sun 18-Feb-24 10:34:10

Huia the situation makes a lot of difference, and in your case I can understand it.

The fact that she apologised once suggests she knows she does it and tries to control it, but actually only notices it when it is bad.

Why do you assume that slights like this are personal? most of the time they are because the person is thoughtless, generally rude, or insensitive and it has got nothing to do with you. And if they do not like you, so what? Nobody likes everybody, so there are always bound to be people wo don't like you.

I am the same age as you and had similar experiences at boarding school at a young age, but it just made me more bolshie and rebellious. I think we just have very different personalities.

What one can say with confidence is that there are other people who feel like you, but also plenty, who like me, do not.

Next time she cuts you out in a meeting. Speak up. say, 'Excuse me , you cut me out before I had finished speaking. Please let me finish what i had to say.' I have done that in lots of meetings, it would never occur to me not to.

V3ra Sun 18-Feb-24 11:01:48

Huia she sounds like someone who just blurts out what comes into her mind at the moment in case she forgets it!
The fact that she apologised afterwards tells you she recognises she was in the wrong and didn't want to upset you.

Doesn't this committee have a chair? It's their job to ensure everyone gets the chance to speak and not get shouted down.
Have a word with them before the next meeting.

It sounds like you all need paper and pens on the table so people like her can note down a point they wish to raise, at an appropriate moment!

Caleo Sun 18-Feb-24 11:09:15

Nell, a similar thing happened to me, and I told the headmaster .He replied by letter and what he said gave me reason to think he may raise the matter in morning assembly.