Do you still get upset?

I'm very impressed by you grans who are quick on the draw. My problem is I tend to waft around in a twilight zone. If a confrontation occurs I waste valuable revenge time pulling myself together!

Mind you there was a time when a teenager leapt out right in front of me and let off an earsplitting scream. I was in a bad mood that day and came right back at him with a string of f- words. Then (a bit like you, Caleo) I shopped him to our Community Police who sorted him out! I like to think I gained some street cred that day.

No point in getting upset as the other person can quite enjoy your discomfort
Keep your cool if you wish to say anything
A couple of years ago following my aorta repair and before my hip replacement I was going to the gym for cardio rehab
I was using my road worthy mobility scooter I was on the road and stopped for a line of school kids crossing the road. They were about fourteen One of them said something really abusive. I blew the horn so they turned to look. I calmly said “How dare you abuse a little old disabled lady. What would your gran think of you.
The offender looked embarrassed and his class mates giggled. The teacher gave me the thumbs up I hope the lad learned his lesson but I shall not hold my breath. My friends thought it funny as I don’t view myself in that manner

I'm super sensitive but realise that most of the time it's more about the other person than it is about me. I will ALWAYS put my hand up and apologise if I've said something which might upset or offend but I will defend myself to the hilt if someone crosses me unapologetically. I will also stand up for other people who are being harassed or abused and aren't in a position to defend themselves. Last summer on holiday a woman bought a coffee in a chip shop and returned five minutes later and shouted at the top of her voice "Ladies and gentlemen, I have just been charged £Xxx for this minute cup of coffee and YOU (pointing the server) should be ashamed of yourself. You make me ashamed to be Scottish". She was vile. Not one person stood up to her, except me. I asked her politely but firmly to stop and eventually she left. How DARE she speak to someone like that!!

Marydoll - I’m sorry that someone upset you. I am the same as you. Some days I am fragile and if someone was to even say Boo I would feel like bawling my eyes out. It’s 4 weeks down the line since my hysterectomy and I could cry for England (or anywhere). When I was in hospital there was a particularly rude woman in the bed. Thankfully she was gone early the next morning. But I did feel upset by her actions and words towards me. I bet she was half my age.

Purplepixie, I was the same after my hysterectomy. I would burst into tears at the drop of a hat.I had no idea what I was crying about!
Onward and upwards. I felt such a relief. It takes time, but you will get there. 💐

Marydoll

*Purplepixie*, I was the same after my hysterectomy. I would burst into tears at the drop of a hat.I had no idea what I was crying about!
Onward and upwards. I felt such a relief. It takes time, but you will get there. 💐

I cried a lot after hysterectomy -I remember asking the surgeon if that was normal and he said “no”!

Thank you all of you that responded. I’m really grateful for your thoughts. My resolution on my birthday-which was the day after that incident, was to stop bothering what random folk think of me. I think birthday resolutions are more useful than NY ones. So I will see if I can manage to be a bit more resilient this year.😀

How would he know had he had a hysterectomy?

Rudeness does affect me I wonder what I have done to deserve it but then perhaps that person is having a tough time themselves. I do try to shrug it off but it stings at the time.

Well done Huia and I wish you every success. It is not just a question of resilience, but also building your self-esteem. You are bigger than anything anyone can say to you.

Oh yes and I then plan my revenge in my mind

I was so easily upset and hurt when younger - over sensitive, and consequently often suffering stress from matters which didn't warrant that strong a reaction. A member of our family can often be quite rude, and some time ago, when several of us were discussing getting upset by others, I said that I am no longer bothered by rudeness, and feel that aggressive nasty behaviour comes from a sad place. A rude individual can boil in their own bile - their attitude is their problem. It was all light hearted - but I think sometimes rude relative was taking note.

Unfortunately I am unable to shrug it off ..

IM very easily hurt and ha cr been all my life

Thank you Marydoll and Huia.

I had a fabulous weekend with my youngest son who lives at works at London. Normally a few tears after he has driven off. Not this time. I cried for most of the sunday afternoon. I will get there and thank you for the words of encouragement.

Try just saying Oh dear I havent finished speaking yet and carry on. It leaves them gobsmacked often.

Strangely enough, I tend to get more upset / angry on behalf of others.

oh gosh, I haven`t had any big op. recently, so what excuse do I have,, I can cry easily.. I hate it..

and yes. Huia.. I brood on what some people say to me, and others... I eventually deal with it..

gosh this thread is so encouraging for me.

I used to be a primary teacher, and developed a thick skin after dealing with rude and demanding parents.

Nowadays, I only get upset by members of my own family, people who should care about me. If strangers or acquaintances are rude, I just let it wash over me, couldn't be bothered challenging people I don't care about.

Once, after a bit of a disagreement at one of my Old Lady clubs, a woman apologised for being rude to me. I just said, "Oh, it's fine - I don't value your opinion in any way, so I'm not the least worried by anything you say to me."

I'm 58 and not usually bothered as I think if someone is intentionally saying something rude/upsetting to you in public then that's their problem as they obviously have very dull boring meaningless lives - which is how they are - so they try to drag others down to their gutter level but the ones that really get me are those that take it out of me for my physical disabilities. I've been told to forgive them, no, I bloody well won't!

What a moron she is! If she didn't want to pay such a price then she could have gone elsewhere! Why pay then come back being abusive?!

Her apology means nothing unless she never does it again. If she does you really must say something difficult though that may be,

Yes about 3 weeks ago someone I had once considered a close friend stopped me in the street and accused me of something I had no knowledge of. I didn't understand what she was talking about thought I had misheard her and when I asked her what I had done she stormed off. Still not quite over it but I will avoid her in future.

If some should exhibit a flash of insulting, freaked out rhetoric towards me I’m more inclined to just stand there and stare at the person with a look of “Really? You look and sound ridiculous…” Without saying a word the stare alone with an air of contempt, total silence on my part usually puts an end to the tirade. It’s especially effective when you have an audience around you… then everyone sees what a clown that other person is.

What’s really off-putting to the offender is if you should say something like “Okay, I see you’re having a really bad day.”

They’re not expecting that. Then you can either continue with your transaction, or, walk away. Chances are you’ve done nothing wrong, don’t let it bother you.

Gundy absolutely. Throughout my life I have found the blank stare perfect for putting down everything, from rude people, to a manager who had been in the habit of going into all female office environements and talking in double entendres (snigger, snigger). He tried on me in front of my staff and I just looked straight through him and refused to react or show any emotion. He cut it short and never repeated it.

Purplepixie
Did you have your ovaries removed? If so you have gone into what is known as a surgical menopause. It starts immediately after the operation.