Dating at 70?

I know one or two single nonagenarians if that helps.

Sadly I think that GSM (pragmatic as ever) is probably right and that your friend has missed the boat in respect of many of the eligible men wanting younger models. I have been single all my life (apart from a very brief childfree marriage) and would not consider dating again. Its a minefield.

Watch the Tinder Swindler!

Its so sad that young women in the past were made to feel that if they did not "catch" a man by xxx age they would be "on the shelf" and an "old maid". Thank heavens you never hear those mouldy old phrases now and single women are often deeply envied.

Presumably she thinks her husband won’t put up any fight or any obstacles of any kind. What a romantic idea of it all she has and if she thinks her adult children won’t be upset she is deluded, oh dear.

I met my SO 15 years ago online. Started as email penpals, then chatted for a while then met, after a few months of talking. We've been together ever since and I love him more and more every day.

BUT, a friend of mine has been online dating for years and has met some real duffers. I think she took thought she was going to meet the man of her dreams (after a not very nice breakup) but all that happened was she was messed around, taken for a ride, lied to and ultimately ended up with someone she met in the pub who was still a bit of an @rse!

I can't help thinking your friend has a bit of a Hollywood view of life beyond her husband. I think she needs to take a step back, get all her ducks in order and wait until absolutely everything is sorted, assuming she is going to go through with this divorce. She might like the idea of being on her own for a while. As other posters have said, older men tend to want someone quite a bit younger than them. Either as a show piece, to convince themselves they still have a bit of pulling power, or someone they can hope might look after them in their twilight years. All the while, she still may well have to sift out the time-wasters, losers and the ones who will take her out once and then never to be seen or heard from again.

Does she really want that, at "her" age?!
(No offence intended, but I'm quite a bit younger and couldn't be bothered with the faff if I had to start all over again!!)

Hope your friend finds what she's looking for.

Katie59

MissAdventure

Men of 70 will probably be looking for women age 30.
Bless their optimism!

Definitely not, maybe 10 yrs younger what matters is common interests, similar lifestyle and personality. There are exceptions of course some want “arm candy”, most are looking for a companion that is easy to live with.

Sorry Katie59 but that isn't generally the case. Men are indeed looking for arm candy, or at least someone considerably younger than them. Many of them now find younger brides online from Thailand or the Philippines. These men aren't wealthy or much of a catch in our culture but they are to those women trapped in poverty.

Women on the other hand do put great store in personality, humour, companionship which is why there is such a great disparity between women and men who remarry after bereavement/divorce. Men are far more likely to be dating, or trying to, within the first year or even less. Women take much longer, if they bother at all.

I'm so grateful to ALL of you for your replies. It's not an issue I'd ever thought about until now.
I'm younger than my friend, but not THAT much younger.
Do you ever wonder about scenarios or events that may or may not ever happen? In a sort of day-dreamy way, if that makes sense?
This issue got me wondering what I would do should my hubby, or I, or both of us, decided to divorce. Or if he dies before me.
I like to think I have enough sense of self and independence to have no need or desire to go hell bent on finding another man.
But I have often wondered, if at some stage I WOULD be open to another relationship, where would I find one?
So my thread regarding my friend was a genuine question on her behalf, but also a wider question about dating - IRL or online - in later life.
Your answers have been an education - realistic and cautionary, and I have decided that, should I end up alone at 70 or whenever, I will be happily single unless something happens organically!

Upthread there was someone who suggested she broadened her current situations by getting out more and finding new things to do. They suggested cluba crafts music or similar. Not an affair, just more social activities.

She may just need other interests?
I wonder if she has considered that she's a bit stuck in a repetitive life and it's just that she needs a few new challenges.

To have a comfortable compatible man is no bad thing.

Dream on 'friend'. If there is a decent 70 year old man out there he is going to look at 50 y old ladies. Will not be interested in her however attractive and interesting. Best of luck and be prepared to be his carer pretty soon.

As everyone else has said be very cautious. A friend of mine wisely said "At our age any men we meet only want one of two things - Nurse or Purse and I don't propose to be either."

Your friend is deluded She's not the catch she thinks she is and would becompeting with we men up to twenty years younger for men in their 70s Divorce by all means but not because she thinks she will easily find the man of her rather foolish dreams

I think she would be more likely to find younger men interested, but not in a relationship, more an "arrangement".

Tell your friend to think very carefully before she puts anything in motion re a divorce. Surely her husband cannot be that bad if she has been with him that long.
I am a recent widow, it is hard being alone, but l wouldn't go online dating. My dh and l had a good marriage though.
I have a rescue dog so lm happy with him and am slowly joining clubs to get out into the world again.
She needs to be careful what she wishes for, the grass is not always greener in my opinion.

Love the “purse or nurse” bit! Sums it up though

I think she’s taking her long term commitment to her husband very lightly. Both my husbands left me for pastures new and I was devastated as I was fully invested in both relationships. She should have had the courage to go it alone years ago really as both of them would have had more opportunity to build a new and happier life. I would suggest a period alone before dating again. If happiness is her goal she can evaluate what she wants in life now and it may not be necessarily with a new partner. I was of the same opinion as her once but now I’ve been alone for so long I realise that I do not need a man to bring me fulfilment. I think that, at my age (67), most would be an irritation to my soul unless I was very, very lucky!

Most men will be looking for someone younger, at least that’s what I’ve always gathered. So a man of 70 ish will be wanting a 60ish woman.
I’d guess that a man of 80 odd will be wanting some to look after him/help him into his grave. (I don’t mean ‘actively’ helping him!)

However I’d have thought that meeting someone not via OLD would be far preferable - in a group activity, e.g. U3A, or on a singles holiday, or a cruise.

A long-widowed granny of mine was happily remarried at 80 - however her new husband (a widower) had been a neighbour for decades, so they were already well acquainted. I’d guess it was for companionship/sharing of expenses (rather than running two houses) as well as a very long friendship.

Just a thought, how will she feel when her husband who you say is a nice chap, very quickly moves in another woman? I have seen this happen a few times. After such a long and not completely unhappy marriage pretty upset I should think. Only one friend, after 70, has remarried, to be fair most don’t want to.

I have a friend who was widowed in her late 60’s. She met a man at an art class and they developed a friendship based around music and the arts. The friendship grew closer and they spent many happy times together- not marrying- now 10 years later he has recently died and she is alone again. Sad, but they had a great time for a decade!

There may be a few but far less than no of women and the lady could easily end up with a dodgy one or needing care - she needs to be alert and cautious !

I wouldn’t be too concerned with dating and meeting someone else in her shores. I would seriously weigh up the pros and cons of divorcing, including the upheaval and finances.

I had an aunt who married a man she had been pen friends with, when she was 75.
He was a real gentleman, quite comfortably off, (as was she) and basically everything you would hope for when looking for a partner.

It was a disaster, and almost ended up in domestic violence from both sides!

I think dog-walking can present some “organic” opportunities, LindyLou, a nice relaxed scenario for getting to know people if you find yourself in the hypothetical situation you mention. Walking and talking with no pressure.

I was nearly 72 when I started a fb correspondence with an old friend from university. Both single, we were always good pals and now we live together using our two homes. It’s the best time of our lives and … he’s all I could ever want.

We ran our home as a B&B for 9 years after our children left home. We met many couples who met new partners well into their 60s or 70s. (It’s amazing how much people confide in you.) I’ve also met a lot of older ‘new’ couples on holidays too. She should do what feels right for her & hopefully she’s find what she’s looking for, but I expect it’s a pretty daunting prospect.

There are two things about older single men that you should understand (either divorced, widowed, or by choice):

1) Some are DESPERATE to find a woman to take care of them.
2) Some men absolutely LOVE their ability to play the field and have no intention of settling down. They are in it for the Fun and Freedom.

Nothing wrong with being single again at 70 but if she’s looking for thrilling romance she may encounter many “adventures” along the way that aren’t fulfilling, because she’ll be vulnerable.

Going on dating sites will be an eye-opening education for sure. Tread lightly. Hopefully she won’t wish for the old days.

Delila Dogs are absolute magnets for attracting people. Plus you are getting lots of exercise and Vitamin D while you’re out on walks!