Dating at 70?

Mmm.........like I've said, I'd never given this issue any thought until my friend dropped this bombshell.
On reading all your enlightening, thoughtful, interesting comments, I think that if I end up divorced/widowed, and, in time, thought a relationship would be nice, I'd be of the mindset "if it happens, it happens".
Meeting partners in real life or online is a challenge in any age group, but the comment about being a "nurse or a purse" in later life does ring alarm bells!

Spec1alk

I have a friend who was widowed in her late 60’s. She met a man at an art class and they developed a friendship based around music and the arts. The friendship grew closer and they spent many happy times together- not marrying- now 10 years later he has recently died and she is alone again. Sad, but they had a great time for a decade!

I knew the man who became my partner after my husband died, we had gone to the same club for 10 years with our respective partners. He asked me out 6months later, I declined he left me alone for a further 6months then tried again and I gave in although I never fancied him then. We gradually became the best of friends but could not live together we were both too set in our old ways. He was married 62 years I was married 48. years. We had 9 years together and had a ball, dancing, travelling and spending as much time together as we could. I nursed him through cancer for 7 years although it was only the last two years he was seriously ill. I would do it again I grew to love him in a different way. Our families accepted it on the surface, but when he died (not leaving me anything by arrangement, so not the reason) his family were just ghastly to me, particularly at his funeral and beyond. We have no contact now so I miss the grandchildren.

Friend sounds awful, how sad for her poor husband who is presumably unaware. Seems an odd time in life to want to make a bid for - what? Just dating? Change? Freedom? Romance? Sex? Does she have her own money or is she expecting her ex to fund this? Would he be expected to have her back if the right man fails to turn up?Anyway, I'm being far too judgemental, good luck to her and hope her current husband is ok. Maybe they will both find a better life.

Perhaps she just needs a little distraction for a while - there are websites out there for everyone and everything. Could give her a new lease of life without upsetting the apple cart. Bet I get some great responses on that one!!!

Perhaps she does, but hasn't her nice chap been disrespected enough?

Your friend could just be bored. If she says her husband is a great guy otherwise then maybe the sex is not good or not enough.

If she thinks she can pick up where she left off in her 20s she is sadly deluded. I’m sure that in our heads we’re all still that age, but in our 70s our bodies tell a different story no matter how attractive we are and how well we’ve looked after ourselves.

Germanshepherdsmum

If she thinks she can pick up where she left off in her 20s she is sadly deluded. I’m sure that in our heads we’re all still that age, but in our 70s our bodies tell a different story no matter how attractive we are and how well we’ve looked after ourselves.

That is very true. Most of my friends are the same age as me and we all laugh and say we still feel 16. That is until we look in a mirror! 😝 even worse ….. one of us starts discussing illhealth or operations and the conversation goes on and on.

If this was not such a sad case, the replies would be very amusing.

Jess20

Friend sounds awful, how sad for her poor husband who is presumably unaware. Seems an odd time in life to want to make a bid for - what? Just dating? Change? Freedom? Romance? Sex? Does she have her own money or is she expecting her ex to fund this? Would he be expected to have her back if the right man fails to turn up?Anyway, I'm being far too judgemental, good luck to her and hope her current husband is ok. Maybe they will both find a better life.

Nog judgemental, realistic.

Primrose53

Germanshepherdsmum

If she thinks she can pick up where she left off in her 20s she is sadly deluded. I’m sure that in our heads we’re all still that age, but in our 70s our bodies tell a different story no matter how attractive we are and how well we’ve looked after ourselves.

That is very true. Most of my friends are the same age as me and we all laugh and say we still feel 16. That is until we look in a mirror! 😝 even worse ….. one of us starts discussing illhealth or operations and the conversation goes on and on.

I'm only 11 until I get out of bed 😁

Mind you, at 11 I wasn't interested in boys.
Come to think of it ........ I'm not now, either!

I met my husband (then 69) on a dating site and while I cannot say things are perfect (are they ever?) we have had some lovely times and the best s** of my life. Never believe that seniors aren't capable of rocking the night away - a man in good health doesn't lose it! Having said that, success is not guaranteed, yes, there are lots of frogs out there and you need to be very resilient and self-protective. My absolute rule was that the guy pays for the first date and first meal out. And he is prepared to drive to meet you, not the other way round. I am old-fashioned and believe that men (or at least the kind of man that I would be interested in) need to take the proactive role. And who wants someone who is elderly and insolvent? However, once I got the feeling he was 'okay' I chipped in and we shared stuff.
Having said all of this, success is not guaranteed and your friend needs to be sure she can be happy on her own, and afford the lifestyle she wants, on her own. It's soul-destroying to be with someone she feels is 'ick' and I 'get' that she yearns for something better. Life is too short not to go for what you want, but she needs to weigh up the possibilities, realistically. As for the children - they are old enough to cope and to realise that it is her life. (Might be better not to mention the 'ick' bit though! - it's their dad after all!)

And Germanshepherdsmum I certainly DID pick up where I'd left off in my 20's - better than ever! Okay, my stomach isn't as flat and I've got wrinkles and all that but it did not seem to matter, we were like teenagers (or like I wanted to be when I was a teenager, but never quite managed) and I could say more except it would be inappropriate! At 75 and 73 things aren't much different for us. I think it is very important not to think yourself old. Each person is different and good health and positive thinking go a long way.

I certainly don’t ‘think myself old’ but I am realistic. I expect that if you’re totally honest, ‘things’ are a little different to when you were in your twenties.

🤣🤣🤣just a tad GSM

undines

And Germanshepherdsmum I certainly DID pick up where I'd left off in my 20's - better than ever! Okay, my stomach isn't as flat and I've got wrinkles and all that but it did not seem to matter, we were like teenagers (or like I wanted to be when I was a teenager, but never quite managed) and I could say more except it would be inappropriate! At 75 and 73 things aren't much different for us. I think it is very important not to think yourself old. Each person is different and good health and positive thinking go a long way.

You’re not the only one Udines find a new man who presses all the right buttons and the years roll back, the kids wouldn’t believe us!.

Perhaps your friend is not being entirely candid. Maybe she has met someone and is garnering your reaction/opinion, without comprising her secret, in an effort to weigh up her options. That seems far more realistic to me.

GSM I assure you I am being totally honest - why would I not be? I don't want to go into tasteless anatomical details but I can tell you things are in some ways better than in my 20s. Not everyone is the same and sometimes if you expect to be old, then you will be old. 'Realism' is about connecting with your own body, your own spirit, as it is, not what the general assumption may be. Glad to hear I'm not the only one Katie59! (And I'm Undines, which means Water Spirits, although it sometimes gets written as 'undies', which could be appropriate, given the thread! :-)) )

OldFrill

Perhaps your friend is not being entirely candid. Maybe she has met someone and is garnering your reaction/opinion, without comprising her secret, in an effort to weigh up her options. That seems far more realistic to me.

That certainly crossed my mind too

undines good for you 👏👏. I had a lovely neighbour who was 74 and a widow when she met a widower in the village. She was very attractive and a lovely person. When his wife was alive the old boy was miserable, hardly spoke and doddled along.

When he met my neighbour he smartened himself up and they got together. He was like a new man at nearly 80. He used to walk past our house like a teenager all smiles and friendly on his way to her house. She told me he was like a teenager in bed too!! 🤣 they holidayed all over the world together, went away for weekends and genuinely had a lovely time together.

Primrose53 I love stories like that! Good luck to them! (and what a great thread this is!)

OldFrill

Perhaps your friend is not being entirely candid. Maybe she has met someone and is garnering your reaction/opinion, without comprising her secret, in an effort to weigh up her options. That seems far more realistic to me.

I wondered that, too, but thought I was being too cynical.

It occured to me that she may already have been dabbling in the world of online dating, and has perhaps met someone else who she would like to get to know better.

win and OldFrill - I wondered that too.

At age 82, I don't think I want a relationship with a 70yo or any age for that matter. After the deceit and cheating of my husband and being divorced in 1989, I am quite happy pleasing myself, and living a quiet life with the dog. Thank goodness dogs have some loyalty.

I do find it sad that she feels this way after all those years of marriage. I feel sorry for her husband but perhaps he would be better off without her if she feels this way about him. The grass is not always greener, especially when you reach the good old age of 70. My husband died 10 years ago and we were together since 1964. I would do anything to have him back with me.