Married but living in 2 places?

The poster who called it a gentle parting could be right.

Maybe that's what you (both?) really want?
If you haven't discussed separation, maybe you should, sadly.

You always knew he wanted to move but have been stalling for years - I think now it's his time. He had been patient (if grumpy) so if you don't love him enough to make the seaside your primary home and just have a pied à terre where you live now, I wonder if the bonds are strong enough.

Not expecting you to answer this Envelope - just think about it.

Sounds like a good idea that suits you both. If you decide in the future to split up completely or that you dont want to live apart then it is easily rectified.

living apart is not my idea of a marriage but if it works ok but sounds like the getting together would be less and less. on the other hand, if you were happy which you don't sound like now it might be better

Go for it. Life is short. It sounds like a gentle parting is on the cards. You can stay friends and visit if you want. One or the other will have big resentments if you stay as you are. Good luck whatever.

I'm assuming (perhaps erroneously) that this is a second/later life marriage? The comment "you can stay any time you like" suggests this is not a life long union. If it is, it is rather an odd comment.

Personally I wouldn't want to live separately from my husband and it does seem yours has sacrificed his desire to live by the sea for many years. Living separate lives can also lead to all kinds of trouble.

Do you actually see any future in your marriage? I think this is the more important question.

Perhaps you could both rent by the coast for 6 months to a year and see if you really dislike it and if it’s all he’s looked forward to. Sometimes expectation is very different from the reality, then see where you are.

I thought this was a post about Angela Rayner! 🤣🤣

The differing opinions are helpful. We have been married since our early 20s and this location issue has been a problem for years. We go away for weekends and longer trips about 10 times a year which we both enjoy and feel gives him what he wants but I just feel really anxious about moving for all sorts of reasons, e.g.elderly parent, good part time job.A couple of houses have sold recently on our street and he feels this is a good time to sell but I’m feeling pressured. The 2 locations was his suggestion as he knows I’m not really wanting to move and he would hope I would spend a lot of time with him there. As previous posters have said one of us will resent the other so a compromise is what we’re looking at.

Where is the elderly parent?
And how far away is the likelihood off property 2?

*of property 2?

Elderly parent is 10 minutes away. Property 2 is150 miles away. He does appreciate I don’t want to move.

If you wish to remain together andyour husband really wants to be by the sea, then I think that keeping a small flat near where you live now could be a good compromise. You could continue working and seeing your elderly relative,and then spend the rest of the week by the sea. If the bulk of your finances went into a lovely home by the sea you may find you want to move permanently when you retire.. and your husband can also join you or stay with you in the flat whenever he wished...

I would do as Pascal suggests. If enough equity I'd say main house in seaside area but small flat in the city. It's unreasonable for him to have to continue to wait since he has lived in "your" city from your early 20s.

Is there a train service available or does it mean 2 cars are necessary?
(Maybe you have 2 cars anyway)

That sounds ideal to me and so practical if you both can afford it. I would certainly go along with that one.

Every marriage is different and if this arrangement works for both of you, then go for it. It might be perfect or you might change your mind after a while. Best wishes for the future.

Agree with Primrose53 - and it would be good for Angela Rayner to see these posts if (and only if) she needs to persuade others who matter (i.e. not the Daily Wail et al) that she didn't owe any capital gains tax.

Not quite the same scenario but my husband had family, aunt and uncle, who wanted to emigrate to join their daughter in Australia.
However aunt refused to go while her mother was still alive, despite there being three other siblings of hers nearby.
Uncle died first, so they never did go.

If your husband has been waiting and wanting to move for years Envelope I think you need to work out a way to make it happen for him.

My Partner and I spent all our adult lives working and bringing up our children. We always said that when we retired we would move either abroad or to West Wales though I knew deep down that he would never move as he hates change. So Brexit made moving abroad more tricky but COVID meant that I could work from home. I found a place I loved in West Wales and moved between lockdown 1 and 2. I never moved back to London but retired and stayed in Wales. As predicted partner has retired and stayed in London. We are however still together and in fact get on much better. We speak every day, go on holiday several times a year together and visit each other every month for a few days or more. It is great for me having a London base to meet up with friends and family and also go to theatres etc. He loves the coast paths and wildlife in Wales. So win win for both of us. I would say go for it if you are both quite independent and don't mind time alone.

Should have said working in London.