Relationship with daughter in law

Keeping in touch regularly she may not have much news to tell you I ve got one child who is a very yes/ no person with no padding not everyone is a conversationalist
I d carry on enjoy a one sided chat but be very careful regular isn’t a step too far
Where’s your son in all these conversations ?

Can I ask , is it mainly you that contacts them or do they call you , I'm just wondering if she's busy when you call. Do you speak to them together or your son first and then you're dil, only my when my inlaws call , they mainly speak to my hubbie, mil only askes to speak to me if its to ask about a upcoming birthday or event in the family

I don't think there's much you can do about it Sanje. It's probably just the way she is. Young people these days are often rather self absorbed. I suppose she at least stays in touch regularly and you don't find her unpleasant. You could make a point of talking about your life before she gets a word in edgeways but this would be stilted and anyway, is it really worth the psychological battle? You're unlikely to galvanise her interest if none exists. Don't you ever talk to your son during these sessions?

Does she perhaps think it's your son's job to ask about his parents ?

Some people are just like that. My DIL never asks me anything. I don’t think it’s just youngsters though. I have an elderly relative who is exactly the same-she never asks me anything about myself nor about my family. I always initiate contact but it’s a struggle to keep the conversation going. When I moved house she apologised for not sending me a Christmas card as she said she didn’t know my address - but, even then, she didn’t ask me what it was! I must admit I am not particularly interested in other people either and have to try to remember to ask the right questions. Some people are self-absorbed and just not curious about others.

I don’t think this is an age thing… My MIL never asks about me…

I’d agree it’s likely just a combination of who she is combined with a busy stage of her life. I wouldn’t read into it or bother myself about it. Not everyone is super invested, or invested at all really, in everybody else. I’d be grateful for the frequent contact and what a wonderful wife and mother she is and carry on

Presumably she has her own family, so her interest in her husband's relatives might be a bit thin. She might feel obliged to accept your calls but is not particularly interested in you personally.

I find when there are conversations very one sided are they bothered. I don’t advise trying this out at all, but I once, for once decided to let my oldest friend to contact me, still waiting. Have to conclude it was me invested in the friendship and not her.

Agree, Allsorts. I had a similar friend who never enquired about anything when we were together. Like you, I decided to wait for her to contact me. I think it's been 3 years now. The so-called friendship was totally one-sided and, if I'm honest, it hurts.

FaceTime is not to everyone's liking - even phone calls are difficult for some people.

Is she like this in person?

Don't make a problem or an issue out of it. It's just the way she is. She's a busy wife and mum and your her MIL. Be happy that she chats and keeps you posted about their lives.

She probably doesn't have the energy to ask about you. You are lucky she keeps contact and is pleasant.

she's a wonderful mum to our grandson and makes our son very happy and that's the most important thing Sanje.

If you're the one initiating contact, may be do so a little less often and keep the conversations shorter.

I'd start introducing other topics Sanje, a new series on TV, what's looking good in the garden , a new recipe you've tried just sprinkled through the conversation so it flows a little better. She may think you you just want family updates and is shy veering away from those

I certainly wouldn't have asked after my father-in-law's medical issues. Do you feel a need to talk about it, to her particularly? Where's your son in all this?

I'd rather hear about my grandchild and his lovely mum, especially as I suspect you don't see them in person very often given the distance.

I'm also not a huge fan of Facetime, I much prefer WhatsApp for chat and sharing photos and videos 😊
It's easy to share your news and what you've been up to, then people can pick up on it and pass a comment in their own time.
Maybe try setting up a family WhatsApp group with all four of you and see if that's an easier, less formal way to keep in touch?

I feel the same, V3ra - WhatsApp is much less intrusive - though of course you can still video call if you want to.

Some people just aren't chatty and as V3ra says she probably doesn't want to be drawn into a conversation about illnesses. She probably thinks it's the baby you are keen to hear about.

You must be a good listener Sanje

But allsorts, if your friend hasn't heard from you in 3 years she may think you're dead and she's scared to ask.

Why is there this need for constant contact with DILs?

I would like to know where your son is in these regular video calls ? why are you regularly ringing your daughter in law up? I ring my son up at weekends or he rings me and my daughter in law joins in, (if we occassionally have had ‘ladies talk’ we chat without him) but 99% of the time when I ring him or he rings me I talk to them both
He knows I hate video calls so we just chat the ‘old fashioned’ way

I agree with Dinahmo…

Maybe she just doesn’t want to, you cannot force someone to have a relationship.

My mother n law used to try to have more of a relationship than I wanted, she was pleasant enough and I didn’t mind speaking to her for a few minutes via phone , however she would insist on visiting once a week for a couple of hours and always inviting me to meet with her for coffee or outings. I didn’t want to I had friends and family that I would rather spend time with.

Glorianny

Does she perhaps think it's your son's job to ask about his parents ?

I agree with this comment. So often DiL’s are blamed for what should be sons’ responsibility. Does he ask about your life?

Does it matter whose job it is? I can't imagine having a telephone conversation with anyone, who I knew had a loved one recovering from major surgery, and not asking after them.