The division of household labour post-retirement

My husband passed away 7 years ago do I have had to take on everything. But after our retirement we attempted to share everything...however a lifetime of me doing finances and IT and meal planning. He did all car related and garden and house maintenance jobs, along with some grocery shopping . Old habits die hard as they say...I do know he could not cook and would have lived on pub meals if I had gone first!!!

Mine never did much even after retirement.
However, now that hes had his cataracts removed, , he’s forever dusting and vacuuming.
It was well worth paying for a private procedure and not waiting for an NHS appointment

My ex did nothing in the house. After retirement he stopped shaving and dressing he spent the day sitting watching tv and eating. I'd love to know who does it all now.!!!

I used to do most things as he often worked away from home, but now he does the hoovering, floor washing and everything connected with dishwashing. I do the cooking and the washing. Nobody does ironing or dusting!

I take the grandchildren to school and do the babysitting, he does the school work and the entertaining when I've had enough of them.

And he does the bins and recycling. Of course!

DH worked abroad , everything" domestic" was done for him and I was stupid enough to do the same when he was at home !
Once retired he assumed this would continue, decided a little talk was in order. Still by no means an equal division of labour but at least he understands running a house is not quite as simple as he thought !

I am still working and my husband is retired - he does most of the housework and cooking

Of course . While Dh was working long days , I did all the household chores. Since retirement he vacuums (never dusts first) , does the laundry and hangs it out. He’s not great with cleaning though. Bathrooms, toilets, kitchen. Helps me to change the sheets but that’s about it.

I hate to think what the house would look like if he’s left on his own! 😬🫣

When DH retired he undertook the hoovering and dusting. He made a rita tgat he would move all the furniture out from walls in one room a week when he was hoovering. Do miss him for that as sone of the stuff is too heavy for me.

P.S.
I do have to ASK him To do anything though 🙄

Changed a bit. Not so much as I would have liked.
But it did also lay a bit bare, what work he does actually do. So I didnt moan too much.

As it happens, he came out of retirement, so we are "back to normal".

With both of us probably having a little more understanding of what each other does do.

Dh had a very demanding job so I ran the house. When he retired he insisted on learning how to operate the washing machine, dishwasher and learned to iron. Now he does more than me! We spend more time doing other things together.

He hoovers , cleans the windows and cooks on Wednesdays plus he pays for a meal out once a month! I shop, wash, iron, clean, cook and garden ! But we have a cleaner for two hours every fortnight to wash the floors , hoover the stairs plus any other jobs she can fit in! We both look after the allotment!
I plan meals, holidays, days out.
He does the DIY as I am useless but as I point out, decorating a room is once a flood, cooking is daily!!! 👏😂

Plus I sort the bills, contracts , insurances!

Not much change really as MrJ is still working p/t, I retired five years ago, we both do the washing, bung the vacuum round, clean bathrooms.
he’s always done the ironing. I cook, he clears up, I run the house financials, he does odd diy jobs, bigger things we get someone in, I garden he helps with some aspects. It works and is unlikely to change when he retires.

No nothing changed except maybe he comes shopping now. He has always helped around the house, putting the washing, ironing,, cleaning the bathroom etc and anything he saw that needed doing. One in a million

Spare a thought for those of us on our own who have no choice and have to do the blue and pink jobs.
For those who do not know how to do some of the things in the house that your partner currently does, do a swop now and again as one day , one awful day there will just be one of you and although terrible it will be a little bit easier if you have some idea about doing the non you jobs.

No, not upon retirement, as whilst we were working we both cooked, shopped and had divided cleaning between us - DH hoovered, I washed floors.

He did household repairs and I attended to laundry, as this suited our preferences.

As DH's health deteriorated, I had to take over more and more of all the household tasks and finished up doing a great many tasks involving screws and screwdrivers under his guidance, where "normally" I would have left him to get on with it.

My Dh has always helped around the house as we both worked at the same company but then he joined the police so worked shifts so the routine changed slightly but 42+ years later it still works

my OH always worked long hours before we retired, after we retired he took his turn at hoovering, ironing,,,no window cleaning..he never was a great cook, but took his turn a making super, I always cooked the dinner...sadly he now has Alzheimers and forgets how to do a lot of things,,but he can still make a cuppa for me..and his main job now is to do the dishes

We have always shared everything. Change the bed together. Yesterday DH did the ironing . Only difference is DH now does more cooking, and he’s quite good at it.

This might be a long reply - sorry!

IN THEORY, we have always shared the tasks. DH is very willing. BUT he has always had to be told of almost everything that needs doing (including in the garden, with cars, with anything DIY-style) and is painfully slow. His mother warned me of that before we married. I thought she was joking! He even has to be told to move or put away things he has been using and now finished with.

In my 30s, with two tiny children, I was diagnosed with scoliosis which initially meant I was in permanent agony. I designated several more difficult "physical" tasks to him, such as vacuuming and window cleaning. 40 years on and I would estimate he has vacuumed the main carpets no more than twice a year, and spare bedroom etc never. He does not know that rooms have edges, skirting boards or cobwebs on ceilings. I struggled myself to do them, but once the kids left home we have confined ourselves to the hall and one downstairs room and we ignore the others unless we have visitors. Then, of course, it is a mammoth task and nearly kills me.

I "only" worked part time when the girls were young and did almost all housework and the garden, washed the car etc. I became pretty handy with a saw and a drill too.

I once let him loose with the household finances (mainly to make sure he could manage without me) and we were overdrawn within the month. He has no idea how much we have, but fortunately isn't much of a spender.

He doesn't even see that the lawns need mowing unless I tell him. When I worked full time (and it was 60 hours a week during term-time and not much less out of term) almost all cleaning/maintenance was ignored apart from essential stuff

Needless to say, the garden is often overgrown, the house is untidy, only the main rooms are clean (but in a mess), and it depresses me.

Once we retired, rather than any re-think of the workload, I simply took over almost everything I could manage apart from mowing the lawns and loading/unloading the dishwasher.

I would gladly move to a much smaller house but DH won't hear of it. He simply doesn't notice what a mess everything is - and I really mean a mess - but I can't manage a 10-room house with 3 bathrooms, utility etc myself. Oh, he used to cook at times but since the children left (25 yrs ago) has only every done ready-prepared food.

I do despair, but what can I do?

Sorry for all that cos I imagine the OP meant it to be light-hearted. Perhaps the fact that I've spent all of this year having cancer treatment and still had almost no help from him has made it all seem worse.

Yes husband now does all ironing not just his own. He also vacuums, makes beds, and loads /unloads dishwasher. Previously worked very long hours so only did ironing, and dishwasher when he could.I do washing, he does gardening and pays gardener for the rest. Totally shocked at how many people explain husband "helps" so archaic to assume domestic duties are for the woman only.

Cabbie21

DH did a bit more of the cooking. He shared the meal planning and shopping as he had particular dietary requirements. We agreed he would do his own ironing, but then he decided his shirts didn’t need ironing after all! No housework, but he could mend anything. He did all the “ men’s work” as he put it - a standing joke, but true.

Shame he didn’t tell you years ago that his shirts didn’t need ironing.
My not retired DD NHS has polos to wear for her uniform. During covid her boss took her aside to say she hadn’t ironed her polo, she asked him who had ironed his, they both knew it wasn’t him. He has never spoke about it since and she still doesn’t iron.