The division of household labour post-retirement

Yes, my husband does the washing up now and also sometimes gets the supper/tea or whatever you call it. I always get lunch which we now have as our main meal at lunch time.

Second marriage here too and DH had been used to looking after himself and his kids roughly half the week. We mostly do our own laundry, he does sheets and towels too. He does his own shopping for breakfast and lunch - we get our own meals in the daytime. I cook in the evening - in theory, he clears up although it is a bit variable. Mows lawns and does heavy work in the garden. But my bug bear is that he absolutely does not do cleaning - just does not see or care about it. Although he will often say how much he loves the home we’ve built together and compliments me on the things I’ve chosen and how I put it together, I don’t think he sees the effort it takes to maintain that. I take on most of the administrative and social organization of our lives; but I am increasingly finding myself having to manage tradespeople - finding, liaising, supervising etc. We have his grandson one day a week. But I also have much more responsibility for my mum now too. While there is a reasonable division of practical tasks, I feel like the organisational and emotional load is falling more to me. He is 10 years post-retirement and confidence etc is slowly declining. Like someone else here I’d love to move to a smaller (more practical) house but he flatly refuses.

After my dh retired I was talking to my sil and saying what a pain it was having to decide what to have for dinner every day and dh chirps up
‘Why?I’m not fussy’
My sil understood and agreed with me, and sil said to him, you do it then,to him.He was fed up after 6 weeks! But now does sometimes make dinner and also suggestions in the morning.
He’ll also help change the bed which he’s never done before and said he thought the bed only got changed every couple of month(which it’s every week) and felt I’d been making work for myself for more than 50 years!

Since we moved here 5 years ago husband has started doing all his own washing. It started due to his clothes being filthy while levelling the garden, concreting steps, fitting patio slabs etc.
Husband does most of the cooking, grocery shopping, and all gardening, sorts bins and recycling, decorating and walks the dogs.
I do 95% of the cleaning, my washing including household washing sheets towels curtains, all ironing although OH rarely wants anything ironed, sort all bills, sort meds if dogs need anything, clean inside windows, etc. Anything heavy OH does or helps as my health isn't good. Works for us
OH worked away from home a lot of the time during our marriage so I can do most things or know how to contact tradesmen, get quotes etc.

We managed to divide housework quite amicably in our working years, mixing it up between us according to the circumstances: whoever gets up last makes the bed; whoever gets home from work first starts cooking dinner; one washes the dishes, the other dries; the person who makes (or even just notices) a mess clears it up; whoever needs a fresh shirt is the one who irons it. That all changed after we both retired. The problem isn't really dividing the chores fairly, so much as getting under each other's feet. Few things worse than trying to get on with a chore when your spouse wants to do something else in the same room, or lugging the hoover along the narrow hall and meeting your spouse coming the other way with an armload of recycling (or whatever). I think it would be great if one person could be hung up in a closet while the other gets on with things. But I guess that might constitute spousal abuse... ;>

GrannyGravy13

DH pays the gardener

I pay the cleaner

Both do what is necessary in between, although he has no idea how the washing machine works or where the iron and ironing board are…

😂😂😂

Thank goodness DH knows one end of the iron and ironing board from the other because I don't!

teach

Mollyb and Indigo8:
Thanks for bringing that up... I wonder if this is a difference between older baby boomers and younger boomers/Gen X? Did older boomers, who maybe didn't work outside the home or perhaps worked part-time, consider the home to be their domain more than the younger ones who probably worked full-time and/or had a career and weren't so willing to start work again when they got home in the evening? Just speculating - I'm a younger boomer who definitely wouldn't take kindly to a man suggesting that he was 'helping' me around the house or 'babysitting' his own kids.

IMO, working - for money or keeping our home tidy and food cooked is all working - nobody stops whilst the other works.

My husband is not fully retired, neither am I from his books and our home. We both work until we both can rest - fair is fair!

All our married life, DH worked very long hours, night and week-ends too. I worked full time too- but not as long, and more flexible than he was. So I did it all, meals, kids, shopping, gardening, decorating, the organising, etc, etc. I had a cleaner as soon as I worked full time.

Now retired, no cleaner. He does his own ironing and mows the lawn. And I still do all the rest.. He will help and do tasks if I ask, but it never crosses his mind. He is a very good man- but the pattern is set and won't change. From time to time, he will cook- but again, only if I ask.

It is very difficult to change pattern once retired, I believe.

I had to do everything when DH was away but the one thing I disliked most was mowing the lawns, especially as we lived on the side of a hill and the garden was terraced.

I agree with Fleurpepper it is very difficult to change pattern once retired. My DH mows the lawns, washes the two cars, does heavy gardening and good at fixing things! He does all our ironing and decorating but I do the rest. I worked part time he had a very demanding full time job. He will always help with anything I ask him too. He is good helping with the grandchildren care too.
Retirement isn’t easy for my DH after a challenging and full on working life but he is getting there

The key question:

Who puts the bins out?

Simple, we have no bins here! But he does take the bag out of our bin and drives to the large container in our hamlet- using our 'pay for weight' card. But I do have to ask!

It's the garden waste bin which is heaviest!
Followed by the box with glass.

The rest is in bags or a smaller bin.

No change here. He's disabled and has been for over 30 years so the vast majority down to me.

I'm feeling a bit sad. Been ill with a bad chest infection but it's still all down to me. I think I'm low and feeling sorry for myself.