her spoilt children

Perhaps, having been married to what you call a "psychotic prick", your wife has never had much help with parenting and now she is asking you, her husband, to help her. Not surprising given her rude offspring. Did they learn it from their dad?

According to Gen Z persons, it's perfectly 'normal' for someone to have an actual father and a stepfather.

I remarried, only when I knew he liked my children and they got on. If they hadn’t wanted him in our lives I wouldn't have married. It would seem neither of you considered the situation nearly enough. Also why keep two houses?, I can’t see how it can work.

Yes, the two houses thing does seem like a lack of commitment but in that case, why marry?

My viewpoint:

A fundamental ingredient of a happy, long lasting relationship is effective communications amongst those closest to you.

These three teenagers are grossly disrespectful both to their mother and her new husband.

I am going to suggest family therapy for the three gals and separately to start off with, the wife and her new husband.

visitingwhen - you need to explain just which countries you live in. I'm concerned about your phrase - I quote - "I’m happy with her". You sound as if you've just bought a sheepdog puppy, not met and married a wife!
I think we've established you are from the USA so tell us, what is your wife's background? Is she Indonesian perhaps?

Other people's children are always badly behaved, I've found, while mine was a perfect angel

Frenchgalinspain

My viewpoint:

A fundamental ingredient of a happy, long lasting relationship is effective communications amongst those closest to you.

These three teenagers are grossly disrespectful both to their mother and her new husband.

I am going to suggest family therapy for the three gals and separately to start off with, the wife and her new husband.

I disagree.

MissAdventure

Other people's children are always badly behaved, I've found, while mine was a perfect angel

Well, of course, and as for my grandchildren, well they're just perfect in every way!

As these young people are well behaved when the poster visits,, I wonder whether the wife is telling porkies..

pascal30

As these young people are well behaved when the poster visits,, I wonder whether the wife is telling porkies..

I wonder if they behaved like this before their mother got married again?

MissAdventure

Other people's children are always badly behaved, I've found, while mine was a perfect angel

😂😂😂 😜😜

I too disagree! We don’t actually know what these three girls have actually done ?

Also not sure if “like” my new step-father that much if he called my biological father a “psychotic dick” and suggested “ripping the TV” off the wall??

Sorry I’m agreeing with Allira that I disagree that this family need therapy.

I’d like more info re their behaviour and why they behave fine when he is there?

I think my sisters and I were sulky around the house as teenagers, my own three DD certainly were so I agree with MOnica that there’s nothing particularly unusual about that.

The marital dynamics around it seem a separate matter.

ExDancer

visitingwhen - you need to explain just which countries you live in. I'm concerned about your phrase - I quote - "I’m happy with her". You sound as if you've just bought a sheepdog puppy, not met and married a wife!
I think we've established you are from the USA so tell us, what is your wife's background? Is she Indonesian perhaps?

I am Canadian and she is American. And is not a pet but a competent brilliant person who does not need me. We both have fun lives and chose to get married and so we did. Both our work and caring for our elderly parents keeps us from moving together just yet.

Cossy

I too disagree! We don’t actually know what these three girls have actually done ?

Also not sure if “like” my new step-father that much if he called my biological father a “psychotic dick” and suggested “ripping the TV” off the wall??

I am calling him what he is only here in this forum to give some context - I would never use such language around my wife's daughters or even imply it. Every neighbour he has and every person who meets him winds up being scared of him. He is likely borderline personality or one of those extreme conditions. This is not some judgment I have. My wife's family is scared of him and will not go anywhere he might be.

Cossy

I too disagree! We don’t actually know what these three girls have actually done ?

Also not sure if “like” my new step-father that much if he called my biological father a “psychotic dick” and suggested “ripping the TV” off the wall??

AND YES if they were my children and they talked to me the way they talk to my wife I would remove the TV from the house that they like to lay in front of for 6 hours and not lift a finger to help with anything and they would lose all privileges that I pay for. I would not be a door mat.

I only clicked on the thread to see what kind of person would use such a rude title.

“her spoilt children”

I suggest the OP has little idea of what it’s like to be a teenager or a parent.

Cossy

I too disagree! We don’t actually know what these three girls have actually done ?

Also not sure if “like” my new step-father that much if he called my biological father a “psychotic dick” and suggested “ripping the TV” off the wall??

Well, I should RTWT because I missed that!! (Was out socialising).

What?
Totally unacceptable. No wonder they are behaving badly.

I'd have given him hell if my mother had married him.
Not that we had a TV.

Is this for real?

Sago

I only clicked on the thread to see what kind of person would use such a rude title.

“her spoilt children”

I suggest the OP has little idea of what it’s like to be a teenager or a parent.

It's fun, though!

It’s likely amplified by the divorce, and I’m simply ill-equipped to deal with it. It’s not their fault that I can’t handle it—it’s my own. I’m just not sure how to be about it.

Just don't. Let your wife and her ex-husband deal with them.
Unless you can be a positive influence don't even try.

Baggs

Perhaps, having been married to what you call a "psychotic prick", your wife has never had much help with parenting and now she is asking you, her husband, to help her. Not surprising given her rude offspring. Did they learn it from their dad?

According to Gen Z persons, it's perfectly 'normal' for someone to have an actual father and a stepfather.

These girls observed their father treating their mother like crap, with no consequences, for their whole lives. No wonder they think it is ok to act up. The guy has been fired from 6+ jobs, he is a loser.

Why tolerate subpar behavior from young adult children when the world wouldn’t? Won’t it confuse them when their acting out is later decisively rejected by boyfriends, employers, roommates, or professors? Isn’t it a parent’s responsibility to prepare their children for the real world? If these were my children, I would be firm and unwavering—they wouldn’t get away with the behaviour their mother is currently tolerating. I would take a hammer to the TV and 100% of privileges would be cut off.

My friend threw her husband out because he insisted her son be disciplined by him.Shesaid she could always find another man but she only had one son and no chance of another I think I would do the same it’s different if it’s a parent but a strange man laying down the law? no chamce

paddyann54

My friend threw her husband out because he insisted her son be disciplined by him.Shesaid she could always find another man but she only had one son and no chance of another I think I would do the same it’s different if it’s a parent but a strange man laying down the law? no chamce

I have never and would never utter a word to these teens other than minimal considerate friendly banter. My sole role is to treat their mother well.