Miserable Husband

I'm sorry you are feeling sad. It will all appear worse tonight. Get to bed and have a good night's sleep. Try your best to enjoy tomorrow and put off thinking about your marriage until Christmas is over. Hope you feel brighter tomorrow x

Oh my goodness ! I am so sorry you are so distressed and with good reason by the sound of things. Why on earth is he is a mood about opening Christmas cards!? I am not expert but is sounds like depression, you have been putting up with this far too long. I don't know what to say to comfort you but massive ((((hugs)))) are heading in your direction. He needs to see his GP , would he agree to that? Perhaps after Christmas you could make an appointment for yourself and tell the doctor how you feel and what is happening. It must be so difficult especially at Christmas time. Hope you are able to enjoy tomorrow, how about a visit to church ( even if you are not religious) I am not but do enjoy a Christmas service - preferably a Methodist Church. Failing that , summon up some motivation and take yourself for a walk. Easier said than done, I recognize that. Hope you sleep well tonight and feel brighter when you wake. Look after your self .

Thank you both so much for your kind words they really do help. I suspect it could be depression, but also he won't ever talk about things, so wonder if there's another issue as well. I always put him first so I think for once I need to think about myself so will see my GP after Christmas. I also think if things are no better in the morning I will go for a walk alone

Yes get out of the house for a few hours.
A walk and a trip to a local church for carols and joy.

Be strong and don’t let him bring you down. Just ignore him and find things to do that you enjoy.

Good , a GP appointment should help and on this occasion put yourself first , it is self preservation! Your husband may as you say have another issue. Whatever do, think of
yourself , take that Christmas walk tomorrow. The weather across the country is going to be a bit warmer so enjoy your solitude. Take some slow deep breaths as you walk and enjoy whatever is around you. Good luck !

I'm afraid some people just enjoy being miserable. My own husband was like this and spoiled things for everyone. It was because his mother always fussed over him whenever he put on a mood, and he thought I would do the same.
I just ignored him and tried not to let it affect me.

If he’s always been like it, you ve put up and pampered him for too long if it’s only happened recently he should see a doctor (but I expect he won’t)
He sounds as unhappy as you, it’s going to be an ok day today (weatherwise) so take yourself out for a walk (you know what they say about 20 mins in nature) smile and say hello to everyone you meet (I always find some action. a hello, a happy Christmas or even just a smile will lift your spirits and maybe the other persons too )
If there’s anything on in your village or town go to it a nativity or church service, then come home with rosy cheeks. If it’s you that cooks the dinner usually, put some music on as you do it or listen to the radio Pour yourself a drink (or two or three)
Just pretend he’s not there pretend you’re enjoying yourself alone
Have as good a day as you can and when Christmas is over make some plans how to change your life for good 🎄🤗

My ex was the same, took the joy out of life. He had depression but also wanted me to feel as miserable as he did inside. I left at 60 and have remarried very happily. It was only when I look back I realise just how miserable I had been but fear held me back from leaving for 30 years. I do hope you can resolve your miserable situation as it can drag you down as well. I really feel for you 💐💐💐💐💐💐

Start with that walk today and then start building an indipendent life that does not require you to look to your DH for affirmation of your worth.

Meet up with friends more, find activities outside the house you enjoy and go to them regardless of what your husband does or says. Develop home hobbies that are independent of him.

Refuse to let your husband define you or limit you, he won't change, but you can.

Make a New Years resolution to do things that make you happy, if he doesn’t want to do things then leave him in the house and do it anyway, don’t let him bring you down.

If he gets in a mood, walk away and do something you enjoy, go out for a walk, put your headphones on and watch a film or something on your iPad or computer, or listen to music, giving him the silent treatment for a while might stir his stumps or not, if not then you can make a decision about what to do next, please don’t try to placate him and cheer him up. It isn’t your job to make him happy.

Potentially you have another 30 plus years to live, do you want to live this way for all of those years?

I’m sorry but some people just try to ruin everything that makes their partners happy, time to try and enjoy your Christmas Day despite him and then sort it out.

I hear you.
Been married to an argumentative, moody, very difficult man for almost 40 years.
I should have left him years ago but didn’t because of the children ( usual story )
He sadly isn’t mellowing with age, so I basically spend as much time as I can away from him.
I hope you manage to enjoy today despite everything.

Didn’t want to read and run. Sending you the best wishes possible for today. Good ideas from other others, go out to a carol service for some quiet reflection. Go out for a walk this afternoon, there will be others to say hello to.
Plan what 2025 will bring you, gather all your documents, financial and personal, make plans and decide your next move.
Hope you have a better 2025.

Hope you are feeling a bit more positive this morning. Thinking about you.

Merry Christmas. I hope you enjoyed your walk

Very sound advice here, Roselley. Spend as much time away from him as is possible, doing the things that make you happy. Don’t allow his moods to bring you down to his level. Sending you the very best of wishes. 💐

You are only 60.. that is young enough to have a completely different life.. I would do as others say and get some fresh air today.. then after Christmas start to seriously plan how your life could be different.. if you need lots of ideas how to achieve that come back on here.. you will always get help..

Give yourself a lovely day today Roselley.

You can speak to the GP about your husband although they'll be limited in what they can say to you.
Please don't let them frame it as something you need to be medicated for, though. Your husband is the one who may have a medical problem .

Take back your life with some of the helpful advice on here.

I don't know where you are but around here there are lots of social groups on facebook and meetup. Just because he does not want to go out you can. Through these groups you will meet lots of people and make friends. Friends that will support you and help you cope with things and change things.

Hope you had a good walk or got yourself among other people for a while, Roselley, and feel a little better as a result.

I truly hope that today has been an improvement.
High days and holidays usually have a similar pattern here due to neurodivergence and a complicated medical condition.
My only answer is to look after me. Yesterday evening I read a Xmas murder mystery, with tv on in the background and a lovely dog asleep at my feet. I would have like good human company but it wasn’t to be.

Today has been less awful . This morning I took the dog for a very nice walk. I made a simple lunch which was eaten. Hope your day is getting better xx

Hmmmm my husband is similar but not quite so bad! He sucks the life out of me and hates me mixing with friends or visiting, occasionally, friends! I’m afraid that after your GP visit you have to give him an ultimatum! He either sees the doctor, changes his attitude or you’re off!! I know it’s hard, even if you have to sofa surf or be a quiet nuisance to friend or relatives but you will become ill! My reaction to bad moods is tears and then six weeks of chronic skin conditions!! Life is VERY short, you only have one and he clearly needs meds or a kick up the backside! That said I really hope you can bring about some changes!! Good luck and sent with a very big hug! X

Getting a husband to go to the doctor when he will not even discuss his moods, or tell you if anything is worrying him, is likely to be a thankless and quite impossible task.

You can and should try to persuade him to do so, especially if these moods are a relatively new thing.

Has he recently retired? This kind of behaviour is very, very common indeed in newly-retired people, especially men.

Have you a close friend, or adult children, or nieces and nephews, who know your husband you can discuss things with?

Have you told your husband frankly that his moods are ruining things for you?

Even if Christmas does not mean a lot to him ( a guess on my part) he should be aware by now that he is spoiling it for you, and how selfish that is.

So tell him, you need him either to snap out of this moodiness or at the very least tell you what is bothering him.

If this goes on, it will not only be Christmas he spoils, but your marriage as well.

By all means follow others' advice about finding independant activities for yourself in the new year, but doing so can be hard, depending on where you live, and make your husband even moodier. Telling him straitly that you find his behaviour selfish and childish is not likely to go down well either, but if things are to change for the better, you might just want to give it a go.

Hatty05darling, it sounds like you need to take your own advice.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling down at this time of year. Could you try to explain to him how fed up you are? Maybe ask him if he’s happy with his life or would he like to live alone because that’s the way things are heading unless he changes his ways?