Strange behaviour from DH

I don't think being in a strop is a health issue.
If you're sure it's because you didn't cook, we'll let him get on with his silly tantrum.

Is he prone to strops? If so, ignore him and don’t buy him an expensive present again.

If this is out of character for him, then I would be a bit more concerned.

Phone the neighbour to tell them that he forgot to take you with him this afternoon.

Next year remind him well in advance that he didn't like gong to daughter's for Christmas meal instead of you making it, and tell him that you so much enjoyed the rest from cooking that again you don't want to do it. If he starts to complain, then say that perhaps it is his turn, and if he doesn't want to cook himself then you would love to be taken out somewhere.

I said on the other thread exDancer that you should maybe talk to the gp if this is unusual behaviour.

Phone him and ask if he forgot something = his wife.

Don't cry Ex dancer, just put it down to him being a grumpy 85 year old having a second childhood. My OH always wants to stay at home too because "he likes my cooking best". My fault in that I havn't insisted over our long marriage that he learns to cook and take his turn, like some of my friends husbands do. It was incredibly mean of him to leave you behind when he went to the neighbours. I'm afraid I would give him a massive piece of my mind and leave him to sulk and get his own food for a few days or until he apologised. Stay calm.

It was one thing to moan about the Christmas dinner but quite another to go off to the neighbours without you when you were asleep.
I would be worried about him tbh.I would also have phoned your neighbours to explain and see how your DH handles that!

I wouldn't be worried.
It's hardly likely he forgot about his wife.

It's a deliberate act, because he is sulking.

Sorry to hear this.

Does he dislike your grand-daughter´s husband or family or her children ?

At the age of 85, his attitude seems a bit un-reasonable without any explanations ..

i would call your neighbour to check and see if he arrived at your neighbour´s ..

I would also ask your neighbour if some one could be so kind to pick you up ..

All our best wishes that your sun shines on this day.

Merry Christmas and have a lovely Christmas Season despite the rain on your parade ..

I would lock him out.. how rude

Elegran

Next year remind him well in advance that he didn't like gong to daughter's for Christmas meal instead of you making it, and tell him that you so much enjoyed the rest from cooking that again you don't want to do it. If he starts to complain, then say that perhaps it is his turn, and if he doesn't want to cook himself then you would love to be taken out somewhere.

Well, next year I would tell him you'd both been invited to granddaughter's (or wherever) for dinner, you're going and he can please himself whether or not he wants to go.
Give him plenty of notice so that, if he decides not to go, he can shop for the ingredients to cook his own Christmas dinner.

If he forgot to take you today that is worrying.
If he went and deliberately left you at home then that is worrying too. That behaviour is totally unacceptable and you perhaps need to recruit another family member for support and tell him he needs to pull his head in.

Phone the neighbour and ask them to remind him that he forgot to take you along. What a silly little man!

I was once married to someone who demanded his meals at specific times EVERY DAY - there was NO compromise! Even camping holidays HAD to be meat and two veg at 12 noon! He sucked all the joy out of everything.

He is acting like a child how pathetic don’t make excuses for him just look after yourself 🥂🎄

It could well be the start of dementia. Behaving differently or if their normal grumpy behaviour worsens then it is worth getting checked out.

Leaving you behind is also worrying and another potential sign of dementia.

Primrose has made a valid point- please bear that in mind . Keep a note of any more unusual behaviours , and talk to your GP if you are worried.

He just accepted your gift without a word and simply put it aside? Then he drives off to the neighbour while your asleep, no indication of his intention?
I wonder how he explained your absence to the aforesaid neighbour.

He may be in his eighties but have these incidents just come out of the blue?

If your husband becomes increasingly grumpy and forgetful - take note.
It could be the early signs of dementia .

If this is normal behaviour for him, I'm surprised you have put up with it for so long.
If this is unusual, then it may be a sign of mental decline.
Perhaps you should ask your daughter whether she thinks his behaviour is something to be concerned about.

When you've been married 64 years you the small day-to-day changes in your partner's behaviour creep in unnoticed. I had time yesterday to ponder on how much he's changed over the last 12 months.
This kind of thing has never happened before, but there have been a few subtle signs that he's losing touch, or may empathy, with other people. And I think its more than just old-age forgetfulness.
Very few men of 80+ do any cooking, so you young 70 year olds ..... please understand its the way they were brought up, not a sign that a marriage is on the brink of breaking up. He has his own business (now in partnership with our son who does the lion's share of work) and had gone out by the time I got up this morning. I presume he's gone 'to work' without letting me know.
I need to know if this inward-looking, selfish attitude, which is new, is indeed the beginning of dementia or just a massive sulk at not getting a home cooked meal. I'll see how he is at lunchtime.
Can you just ring a doctor's surgery and ask to speak to a doctor about someone else's mental health? What about patient confidentiality?

Very few men of 80+ do any cooking
Mine must be one of the few, then, although his repertoire is rather limited.

However - still working at 80+? Your DH could be excused from cooking.

If he's not been a sulker or is getting worse then a change in behaviour could be something to take note of too.

ExDancer

When you've been married 64 years you the small day-to-day changes in your partner's behaviour creep in unnoticed. I had time yesterday to ponder on how much he's changed over the last 12 months.
This kind of thing has never happened before, but there have been a few subtle signs that he's losing touch, or may empathy, with other people. And I think its more than just old-age forgetfulness.
Very few men of 80+ do any cooking, so you young 70 year olds ..... please understand its the way they were brought up, not a sign that a marriage is on the brink of breaking up. He has his own business (now in partnership with our son who does the lion's share of work) and had gone out by the time I got up this morning. I presume he's gone 'to work' without letting me know.
I need to know if this inward-looking, selfish attitude, which is new, is indeed the beginning of dementia or just a massive sulk at not getting a home cooked meal. I'll see how he is at lunchtime.
Can you just ring a doctor's surgery and ask to speak to a doctor about someone else's mental health? What about patient confidentiality?

You are right about patient confidentiality. We have recently been involved with that. Do you have Power of Attorney or have you done letters to GP allowing each other to discuss medical care.

If you haven’t, then I can see nothing wrong in speaking or writing to the GP and voicing your concerns. If they have anything about them they could contact him and invite him to visit for an annual check up or similar. You would not be asking anything and he would not be disclosing anything. 😉

Am I right that for the last sixty-three years you have cooked every single Christmas Day meal and your husband has never eaten at his in-laws, relatives, or adult children's houses? And because he didn't have your home-cooked meal this Christmas day he is punishing you?
You need to ask him when he returns, and without a home-cooked meal ready, what exactly is his problem.
Depending on the answer, proceed from there. But you have to talk to him first.

I'm afraid he'd get short shrift from me. Also if he went off to the neighbours while I was asleep, I don't think he'd get back in........