Feeling like an added extra on Mothers Day

Yes you are. You can always catch up with your daughter on another day. It does seem a little thoughless on your daughter's part and maybe you could decline the invitation and do something else instead?

Or you can go along and just relax and try to enjoy having a meal cooked for you?

Try not to make a fuss- Mother's Day is pretty pointless anyway in my book. It is the quality of our relationships that count and not these commercial 'days' we seem to think we should spend money for.

I think you are. Be the bigger person here and smile.

Xtragran think I would feel the same as you, luckily, I have never had that situation. My DD & I always spend Mother's Day together, with the GC my son and her H [sometimes his mum too], I'd be upset if not. We are going out for a meal this year, so all can relax and enjoy.

Thanks for your reply. I’m trying to think of Mothers Day as another commercialised day and not get overly emotional about it. I think my daughter was just relieved that someone else took over the organisation of Mothers Day as it’s Mothers Day for her as well.

FriedGreenTomatoes2
I will go but maybe rethink how to celebrate Mother's Day next year. I think it coinciding with my daughter’s birthday has made it a bit more difficult.

Yoginimeisje
Enjoy your Mother’s Day.

keepingquiet
Thanks for your reply. I’m trying to think of Mothers Day as another commercialised day and not get overly emotional about it. I think my daughter was just relieved that someone else took over the organisation of Mothers Day as it’s Mothers Day for her as well.

Yes there's much more to relationships than one day in the year and I feel you are in danger of completely over reacting.

foxie48
Thank you for your advice.

I do understand how you feel, being a mother is a very precious relationship - but remember that no one can take that away from you. You are a sensible woman and I know you will go - enjoy! and good luck! 💐

The invitation was passed on to me from the stepmother via my daughter so as yet I don’t have details of time to arrive etc. It’s made me feel a bit left out and a bit of an add-on!

Could you phone the stepmother to discuss times etc and perhaps offer to bring a pudding or something? Perhaps a birthday cake for your daughter? That way you'll feel involved and as though you've done something special for your daughter.

Either that or just arrive with a bunch of flowers for daughter and stepmother and have a lovely, happy relaxing time. So much pressure is put on these occasions when really, when we look back, they're mostly the things that make life a joy.

Sorry, I don't know why I copied the first paragraph in.

Be glad very glad you are near enough to have a meal with your daughter on Mother’s Day and celebrate her birthday
Sorry but this commercial pressure of expectations is OTT
How long has the step mum been in her life ? I m thinking a good while so I’d say just enjoy the fact that she is open enough to want you both in her life together and embrace it Don’t make it awkward for your daughter
Get the timings sorted out buy her a birthday present and go with an open heart and some flowers
It’s tricky but be the bigger person

Mother’s Day! It’s just another Sunday I see my daughters as and when they are free they will probably spend that day with their own children and GC if I’m invited I might go I might not see how I feel. They show me that they love me in lots of ways and that’s enough for me. My son! He’s another story although I know he loves me, I might get a phone call.

XtraGran

FriedGreenTomatoes2
I will go but maybe rethink how to celebrate Mother's Day next year. I think it coinciding with my daughter’s birthday has made it a bit more difficult.

In UK next year's Mother's Day is 15 March, as Easter is earlier and it varies with Easter

XtraGran enjoy your Mother’s Day and hope your daughter has a great birthday.
What narks me is Mother’s Day is (again) when the clocks go forward, an hour less of lovely sleep 😴 Sort off topic.

I think as mothers we know this is a commercial day. However as mothers we still feel the need for the affirmation that we are special and loved. With lives getting busy I feel this and the mother of sons I feel sometimes sidelined. I do get a little upset near Mother’s Day I think it’s the expectation. My sons do cone one by one and I do get presents and cards for which I’m grateful. However a regular visit or phone call would be better.

I can understand your initial reaction, but turn it on its head and think that the stepmother is happy for you both, and your daughter, a mother herself, are having a meal cooked for you. Stepmother is honouring your relationship, not detracting from it.

Mother’s Day this year coincides with my OH’s birthday so I understand about the juggling.

In my head it is his special day, birthdays being a personal celebration rather than a general one.

Both my AC have children at home so they will be made a fuss of by them; we will do whatever my OH would like (except eat out!)
So in your situation I would offer to take a cake, go and have a good birthday celebration. As Bluebell says don’t make it awkward for your daughter.
I hope you have a good day whatever you decide to do.

I don't consider Mother's Day is about me now. It's about my daughters and daughters in law and their children.

I will get cards and a nice present - that is fine by me.

My thoughts are exactly the same as BlueBelle's. Go to the lunch with an open heart. It is thoughtful of your daughter's step mother to 'do' lunch for everyone. Please don't think of it as being left out. Go, enjoy, smile. Your daughter will love you all the more for making the occasion a happy one.
In most of life's situations we usually have two choices.
Choose to make the day a happy one.
I speak from experience, understanding how much emotions can influence our behaviour.
You can do it. Wishing you a happy Mothering Sunday and a happy birthday to your daughter.

Just to add that Mother’s Day is a difficult day for stepmothers too.

When she talked to you about getting together for Mother’s Day/birthday did you say “Lovely. Where shall we go. I’ll book it.” Or “Lovely” and leave it to her to organise?

If she’s working I expect she was just really relieved when her step-mother said I’ll cook a meal and your daughter didn’t have to think about it any more and could cross organising it off the list.

I don’t suppose anyone thought you would feel like a spare part. More a get together. Though, of course, I don’t know your ongoing family dynamic.

My son got a bit mixed up with the date for Mother's Day and sent a card to me two weeks early. So this card, in a lovely pink envelope, is still sitting on my sideboard waiting to be opened. I'm trying my best not to open it early. Only another week to go!