annoying neighbour

Ask him if he's very lonely and suggest a men's club.

Tell him straight that you don't want his advice. It's your garden and luckily there are no laws to stop you making it how you like.

he is married i feel sorry for his wife his view on every subject is the right one in his eyes,

I hate folk like that,,,,they give their opinion whether you want it or not, or they say....now, what you should have done is..bla bla...

Can you say something like, "This is the way I've been advised to do it. When I want your advice, I will ask for it."

Why people like this think you need their opinion always amazes me.

Ooh I'd like to flash him a big smile and say, "Thank you for your help, I'll certainly bear it in mind."
Send him home happy, then carry on as you were 😁

Grey rock is your friend here. No reaction at all, keep doing what your doing and if he says anything go ' oh sorry, I'm so busy wasn't really listening'. He will get bored and move on if he gets no reaction.

If it was me I would be able to use my Super Power." I'm sorry I can't hear what you are saying, I am deaf." Then I would just continue and ignore him. It is a great excuse and my actual level of deafness varies by how much I want to engage with folk.

If his 'advice' and opinions were any use then he'd probably be rich by now, wouldn't he?

Why don't you just change the subject to anything like the weather? Divert him. He will soon get the message. I have been going through a few conversation in my head recently I've had with male neighbour, doctor, and specialist, and they all think they have the right to put down what you say. It may be said with a dry wit or just plain 'silly woman' comment, but it really does irk me at my age seeing that I am far from stupid! Next time I am going to do my best Miss Marple 'Indeed!'.

How annoying when you are quietly getting on with a job .
Is he bored ?
Has he got nothing else to do ?
Tell him that you prefer to do the job without his advice .
Then try the silent treatment .
Finally I'd employ the following :
I'd rather that you didn't make passes at me -my husband/your wife wouldn't like it .
Or if both of you are alone-I'm afraid that you aren't my type.

One of my friends moved house to get away from an in your face neighbour .
He moved afterwards .

For about eight years -my neighbour next door made my life hell .
He spied on me all the time.
I couldn't garden or entertain anyone outside without his spying on me .
He asked me personal questions .
He complained about my trees and shrubs.
When I moved away to look after my father I'd go over to do my garden and he'd discover me .
He even wrote letters of complaint to my father's house .
It was sad because I got on well with his wife and one of his daughters .
Finally he tried to drag me into his house and that's when I stopped all contact .
He wife asked me why .
I just told her that he was rude to me .
She's been seriously ill -how could I upset her ?
I saw him a few weeks back and when he approached me I muttered darkly and shut the door in his face .
I wish that I'd done it before .

Sounds a bit like my late mother and child rearing, her motto seemed to be Everyone is entitled to my opinion!
Luckily we lived abroad in the early days so avoided most of it but I do recall shocking people when I told her Two opinions count and you didn't make the cut!

My response would be "In that case, perhaps you'd like to do the job for me". And let him if he says he will - then you can spend time moaning at him that he's not made a very good job of it!

Smile and carry on doing it your way would be my advice. He sounds like a man with far too much time on his hands. We have a lovely group locally called Men in Sheds. It is meant to help men who are lonely, recently bereaved, divorced, have mental health issues or, like your neighbour, are a spare part. Our local group make and repair a wide range of things. A good source of socialising and giving something to the community. Ask him if he's heard about them. They are growing throughout the country. It might keep him occupied and out of your hair and give his wife some peace. Can you imagine living with him!!!

Does anyone remember Harry Enfield character who used to say "You don't want to do it like that?"

My late FIL used to do it too. He once lectured me for about a quarter of an hour about the right way to take the lid off a tin of paint.

Some men assume that women can't do anything practical and just love to lecture them and put them straight. I think it is a variation of manspaining.

V3ra

Ooh I'd like to flash him a big smile and say, "Thank you for your help, I'll certainly bear it in mind."
Send him home happy, then carry on as you were 😁

The best and kindest answer, this is what I would say.

He might be just lonely and needs someone to talk to, or he could be one of those utter bores who thinks he knows everything about everything. Also, as you're female, there's the danger he's a sexist who thinks he can tell a woman what to do.

Have one quiet word with him, one only, no nastiness or anything, just explain that you appreciate his ''advice'' ....even if you don't ... and you know what you're doing, and ''let that be the end of it'' but tell him if he continues in his ways then you'll think about reporting him for harassment.

Hopefully, that will put him off!

Good luck!

I’m not sure I should confess, in print, to my response to a similar situation, but I will anyway.
Some years ago, I had a neighbour who came out and ranted at me for parking outside his house. I was perfectly entitled, it was a wide road with no parking restrictions of any kind. Several of us parked along there and it wasn’t just me who parked right outside his house, but because I am female, it was only me he ranted at. I had several polite tries at putting him straight, but he was having none of it. Then, he started blocking me in. He obviously watched to see when the car in front of me went, and would leap into his car and park it with his rear bumper about an inch from the front of my car. Sometimes, if the car behind me wasn’t too close, I could wriggle out, but quite often I would have to go and ask him to move his car to let me out. This was always met by a torrent of abuse about women who had no clue how to drive, etc.etc. Eventually l got so fed up with this that I decide to retaliate and every time he blocked me in, I would let one of his tyres down. (Yes, I know it was wrong, but needs must!) Eventually, he got the message and gave up but it wasn’t a nice situation. In 60 years or so since I got married and had my own house, I have never fallen out with, or had trouble with a neighbour, so this was a shock. I can never understand what pleasure some people get out if being so awful!

Esmay - He tried to DRAG YOU INTO HIS HOUSE?

OMG! I know you're not supposed to swear on GN, but bloody hell! -Sorry, admin, for the swear words!

My first year in my allotment, I couldn’t spend any time there without a man ( assorted) coming over to tell me what I should be doing and to offer his helpful advice😬

It’s eased off a bit this second year but I have the gift of a row of unwanted lettuces, a bag of surplus tomatoes (plenty of my own) and now a pile of manure 🎉

Woman tackling job? Must need help…………

A link to the Harry Enfield clips:

www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/kva5y8/harry_enfield_i_dont_think_you_wanted_to_do_that/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Crossstitchfan, you did excellently in letting the sexist idiots' tyres down, I'd have done the same thing!

This is a genuine story. My friend is a medical doctor at the local practice, and her direct neighbour is an awful sexist beyond belief. He'd be better off in the Taliban with their twisted anti-women attitude. She lives with her 2nd husband ... her first one died ... and their son and daughter, who are in their 20s, 2 cats and 2 dogs.

Whenever he's seen her or the daughter in the garden for any reason, he shouts over the fence to them to go back inside and only come out with permission from husband/dad. If he doesn't give permission, they're not allowed out, and when they are in the house, it should only be the kitchen and bedroom! They shouldn't be allowed to have their own house keys, and if they are out and husband/dad is out, then they should wait for him to come back to let them in, even if it's sub-zero temperatures/scalding hot and he's away for several days at a time!

Sadly, one of their dogs is very elderly and ill, and he saw mum gently put him in her car to take him to the vets, and Mr-Chaunviistic-Moron shouted that she should have asked hubby for permission to go out. If hubby isn't in to give permission, then she HAS to stay in! AND she's not allowed to use her car, hubby has to drive her, even if he's away! Her hubby is a geologist and often away for a few days at a time

She angrily shouted back that the dog is old and ill and she's taking him to the vets for check-ups, etc., then got in the car and drove off, leaving him fuming!

He'll see the mum getting into her car, ready for the practice and tell her she shouldn't be a doctor, it's not a woman's role. She should be a subservient housewife, no job of any sort and no brains of her own. Not allowed to make her own decisions, have her own car, bank account, etc. Same to the daughter.

One day, he saw the daughter walk from the house and onto the pavement, off to work and categorically DEMANDED to know where she was going, as she should be in the house. He also blasted her for wearing trousers and a hoodie instead of a skirt/dress and blouse! Mum and daughter are VERY Scottish, you don't mess with them, so she told him she's off to buy some period pads for him and a pack of paracetamol as he's obviously having a very big and heavy period!

He went dark red and was ranting about how vile and how she's only a woman, so what would she know about it?! She walked off laughing hysterically!

Doctor, mum, daughter, husband, son, all just sling back hilarious remarks to him!

Crossstitchfan

I’m not sure I should confess, in print, to my response to a similar situation, but I will anyway.
Some years ago, I had a neighbour who came out and ranted at me for parking outside his house. I was perfectly entitled, it was a wide road with no parking restrictions of any kind. Several of us parked along there and it wasn’t just me who parked right outside his house, but because I am female, it was only me he ranted at. I had several polite tries at putting him straight, but he was having none of it. Then, he started blocking me in. He obviously watched to see when the car in front of me went, and would leap into his car and park it with his rear bumper about an inch from the front of my car. Sometimes, if the car behind me wasn’t too close, I could wriggle out, but quite often I would have to go and ask him to move his car to let me out. This was always met by a torrent of abuse about women who had no clue how to drive, etc.etc. Eventually l got so fed up with this that I decide to retaliate and every time he blocked me in, I would let one of his tyres down. (Yes, I know it was wrong, but needs must!) Eventually, he got the message and gave up but it wasn’t a nice situation. In 60 years or so since I got married and had my own house, I have never fallen out with, or had trouble with a neighbour, so this was a shock. I can never understand what pleasure some people get out if being so awful!

LOL - don't blame you.

There's nothing that gets my goat so much as being treated like a "woman", rather than a "person" so to say (bar the helpful stuff like lifting heavy items for me etc).

When my neighbours here were making a right thing of trying to park in MY front garden when I first moved here I had that as a little mental back-up plan - ie if I'd caught them at it any more I'd have bought a packet of drawing pins and accidentally spilt the packet across my garden. I'd already made a mental note of difficult-to-remove sticky notices telling them off for illicit parking in case I needed it.

Then there was the next door neighbour that had realised I was having in a gardener several days in a row to revamp my garden and deliberately parked exactly where my gardener needed to drive through to get his vehicle into my garden to park. I had to be a bit "persuasive" with him - but got him to put the plan I had already formulated in case she pulled that stunt and park bang right behind her - so she couldnt move until he moved. It took her about 2 hours before she clicked I'd done that deliberately and had to come out and act nicey-nicey with him to get him to stop blocking her in. She hasn't dared try that one on again since....

Lathyrus3

My first year in my allotment, I couldn’t spend any time there without a man ( assorted) coming over to tell me what I should be doing and to offer his helpful advice😬

It’s eased off a bit this second year but I have the gift of a row of unwanted lettuces, a bag of surplus tomatoes (plenty of my own) and now a pile of manure 🎉

Woman tackling job? Must need help…………

I'd just grin at that and think "They're doing it just to show willing and friendly" and leave some surplus of something else back with them.

The neighbour behind me leaves me some apples occasionally. I have enough of my own - but I just take it in the spirit it was given and leave them other types of fruit back (which I know they don't have growing themselves). It maintains amicable relations between us - though I guess I started on the right foot there with them when there was a VERY tatty fence etc between us originally and I needed access to that bit of land to replace it with the wall I wanted. Cue for I got given that access and they couldnt complain - as, instead of that, they've got a wall instead (that won't need touching again for decades) and didn't ask them for a penny towards it.