How can I tell my son to leave his marriage

You don't. Leave them alone.

What, batty said

Lave them be

My advice to you Readerjb is to not try to influence your son into doing anything.
I’m sure you love him dearly but interfering in his marriage won’t have a pleasant outcome and you may end up unintentionally losing a son as well as intentionally losing a DIL!

Why would you interfere?

However she behaves, you may not know the whole story behind someones attitude. There may be reasons that you have no idea about. I think that you really need to look at your own attitude, and look in the mirror. Why do you think you have the right to interfere in their marriage? It does sound as though you think you have the right to influence your son in a major way. Perhaps you might consider that it is you that does not like her and are looking for any excuse to interfere in some way. It would be a different story if your son was unhappy and told you he wanted to split up, but even then you should only be offering support where possible. It is his life and for him to work out what makes him happy and to live his own life in his own way. We all can have had opinions on our childrens partners over the years, and met girlfriends that we did not like and privately had a sigh of relief when they split up, but it is not our place to suggest any change in their lives unless we are specifically asked for our comments. Even then be careful as your comment can come back to bite you later if they make up!!

These answers are pretty much what I expected. It breaks my heart when he tells me how unhappy he is in the marriage. All I’ve said so far as that we love him and will support whatever decision he comes to. Maybe that’s all I need to say …

Keep out of it not your business just be there to pick the pieces up if needed

Offer him a listening ear, marriage counselling or just a place to go if he does leave and then keep out of it. Interfere and it will come back to bite you!

In your opening post, you made no mention that he had said he was unhappy so why would you expect us to say you were right?
My initial comment stays though. You offer him a listening ear but don't comment on the state of his marriage. They may reconcile and then where would you be?

If he's talking to you about his relationship and saying that he's unhappy it's not interfering to ask him what he wants to do about the situation. Helping him talk through his options is giving him support and a safe place to off load. The only proviso is being careful not to try to tell him what to do. If he asks you what you would do, it's really important to stress it's neither your situation nor would your "solution" necessarily be right for someone else. I've had to work through this with a long term relationship of one of my daughters. She turned to me for help because she knew I had her best interests at heart and she eventually ended the relationship but it took a little while and was a very sad period for her. She knew that I would absolutely support her decision whatever she decided and if she decided to continue the relationship I would not change in my acceptance of her partner even though he had behaved badly. Good luck giving support is not interfering.

Please please, even if your son comes to you saying he is unhappy - and I don’t know if he has - don’t say anything bad about his wife whilst offering help and support.
If he were to then make it up with his wife and tell her what you said you could end up being the villain.
Stay out if it and remain neutral if asked for help. Can only hope there are valid reasons for his wife to appear cool.
All the best.

Are there children (grandchildren) involved?

You can't tell your son to leave his marriage.
It's his life and his decision .

If he's unhappy in his marriage he needs to decide whether or not he wishes to stay.

Half term again.

Readerjb, if I were you, I'd stay well out. You can't TELL your son to leave his marriage, no matter what you think of him or his wife, it's their marriage, not yours!

If you try to barge in and make demands, it's you who will come very much unstuck!

kircubbin2000

Half term again.

That was my reaction, too.

The poster has been an active gransnet contributor for years.

Readerjb

These answers are pretty much what I expected. It breaks my heart when he tells me how unhappy he is in the marriage. All I’ve said so far as that we love him and will support whatever decision he comes to. Maybe that’s all I need to say …

Well done, and thats exactly where you absolutely must stop. He has to learn to step up and not take things to mummy and daddy.

Now if there were actual abuse going on, I mean, real-co-ercive abuse, you need to point him to a solicitor who specialises in such matters. I had one to help me through ending an abusive marriage. She/he (and I recommend a she as women I feel understand it better) will be a neutral figure who can ask questions to help him make his mind up. You are too close to it all to have this role.

I’ve three sons two married I wouldn’t dream of interfering. I love them all and yes I can see when they’re unhappy but it’s up to them to come to me not the other way round.

You can't. It is his decision alone.

None of your business and as to saying anything!!!!!!!!. have you considered just walking up to him and asking to be estranged? much simpler and fewer recriminations - because that is what will happen if you do as you suggest.