How can I tell my son to leave his marriage

Do not interfere and keep your thoughts to yourself. If you say anything you risk estranging your family. Please do not do anything and let the couple get on with it.

Best to not involve one’s self so deeply in the marital issues of others. If it gets to the point where you feel it’s best to cut someone off for them not doing what you want with their romantic relationship, your involvement went too far. Healthy boundaries help to keep families closer.

Be there as support for your son but don't interfere. My son is going through a break up and there are lots of things I would like to say but I won't. "Least said, soonest mended" as the old saying goes.

Thanks everyone. I hadn’t looked back at this thread, as I was apparently reported. I’ve reassured my son that my husband and I will support him in whatever decision he makes. We’ve offered financial support (if he needs to rent), but he says they’re fine financially. I suppose I’ll just keep watching this slow-moving train wreck with my mouth zipped closed. DIL’s mother has now phoned me three times, knowing they are unhappy, and trying to get some details. I was NOT the one to tell her of her daughter’s affair. I plan to imitate a bollard in a stormy sea - silent, but secure

Good for you Readerjb it’s the way to go. Listen and keep schtum.

Readerjb

His wife of ten years is cold and hard. First evidence: they were attending my son’s best friend’s wedding. When son asked wife to come up and be introduced to the groom’s brothers, she flatly refused. He asked again, she said no. How can they be happy when she is so inconsiderate?

Maybe she has good reason to want to avoid grooms brothers, maybe she thinks the groom is a bad influence on her husband.

You have no idea what is going on in their marriage, dont get involved, dont say a word.

To David 49 - the groom is a wonderful man, and a good friend since the start of high school. DIL was looking fabulous at the wedding, but absolutely determined to stay seated. DS very embarrassed in front of us that she wouldn’t come up to be introduced to his brothers. Looked like a power play to me

Oh come on Perhaps she’d just wet her pants why she wanted to stay seated Readerjb🤣
I think you need to stop thinking about this and just get on as normal, if the tide changes and he wants help I m sure he ll come to you.
When my youngest got divorced she said to me don’t ask any questions I ll tell you when I m ready I said ok. Ten years on from the divorce I ve still never heard why ( although I ve got my own thoughts )

Wet her pants! It’s the first time I’ve been able to look at this in a light hearted way 🙃. Thank you Gransnetters for listening, and giving consideration to my distress. Now to be that bollard …

It was your son's best friend's wedding- his friend. The groom's brothers were also in attendance, as presumably were the groom's father, mother, cousins aunts etc.

I can't see how can it be said your DIL is inconsiderate for, according to your son, not wanting to get up and go to be introduced to the groom's brothers.

If the groom's brothers had any interest in being introduced to their friend's wife, ie your DIL they could have been considerate come over to her to introduce themselves?

You appear to have a negative confirmation bias- don't let it adversely affect your son and his marriage.

So who is the common denominator in the failed marriages?
Maybe look closer at your son and his behaviour.Everyone on here is happy to blame the wife….maybe your golden boy isn,t great at marriage and she may well have reasons to be difficult.
It’s rarely one sided in any relationship

Some people don't like to be trotted out like a performing pony at a show ring.
Maybe she felt he wanted to show off his trophy wife and she wasn't playing.
You'll never really know and are obviously biased.
Best to stay out of it.

Readerjb

These answers are pretty much what I expected. It breaks my heart when he tells me how unhappy he is in the marriage. All I’ve said so far as that we love him and will support whatever decision he comes to. Maybe that’s all I need to say …

Yes, that is all you can say, Readerjb.
It must be hard to see your son unhappy, but you must let him and his wife come to any decisions without any interference from you. As you say, be there to support him, but don’t say anything else.

Old thread. Oct 25

sharon103

Old thread. Oct 25

Yes, but the OP came back with an update.

Best stay out of it Readerjb but be there if needed, without taking sides

Allira

sharon103

Old thread. Oct 25

Yes, but the OP came back with an update.

Best stay out of it Readerjb but be there if needed, without taking sides

Oh yes, Sorry.

You can’t, obviously. He’s an adult, he’ll make up his own mind.

Readerjb

These answers are pretty much what I expected. It breaks my heart when he tells me how unhappy he is in the marriage. All I’ve said so far as that we love him and will support whatever decision he comes to. Maybe that’s all I need to say …

Perhaps tell your son you're uncomfortable listening to negative talk, change the subject. Never express opinions or advice on son's marriage.

Readerjb

These answers are pretty much what I expected. It breaks my heart when he tells me how unhappy he is in the marriage. All I’ve said so far as that we love him and will support whatever decision he comes to. Maybe that’s all I need to say …

That is the right thing to say. Leave it at that and wait

I cannot imagine a man who has so much negativity to say about his own wife behind her back is some innocent victim. Not caring to be introduced to the your husband’s friend’s brothers is hardly a crime and certainly not worthy of trashing your spouse. Your son needs to grow up and handle his marital issues like an adult, or divorce and get on with his life. His behaviour reflects quite poorly on himself. Having that said, it’s good you see the wisdom of staying out of the mess. Hopefully your DIL’s mother will do the same. Shame on her for attempting to gossip about her daughter’s marriage. Multiple messy people in this situation for sure.

Don't interfere! If he wants to talk or let off steam let him do so but if he asks what he should do or whatever don't be drawn on it. Just say you must do what feels right for you and keep deflecting back to him. Whether he stays, goes or whatever just be supportive to him and sit on the fence.

Readerjb

Thanks everyone. I hadn’t looked back at this thread, as I was apparently reported. I’ve reassured my son that my husband and I will support him in whatever decision he makes. We’ve offered financial support (if he needs to rent), but he says they’re fine financially. I suppose I’ll just keep watching this slow-moving train wreck with my mouth zipped closed. DIL’s mother has now phoned me three times, knowing they are unhappy, and trying to get some details. I was NOT the one to tell her of her daughter’s affair. I plan to imitate a bollard in a stormy sea - silent, but secure

I came back to check on this. You are doing the wisest thing, as many here have advised. Being supportive and staying out of it.....sound advice. It's hard, against all motherly instinct, but it may just save your relationship with your son.