Unfaithful husband?

I take your point, @Wyllow3, about posting in the wrong thread but it's still a surprise to see the level of negativity around this. I don't see why anyone posting in AIBU should be setting themselves up as a target. If we don't agree with something then can't we say so in less disparaging ways, or even just ignore the topic altogether? Why does there have to be negativity?

Whether or not we believe a poster to be genuine, is there any real need for anyone to criticise them so openly?

I've only joined a few days ago and I was surprised by the tone of some responses. Maybe I'm gullible, but I choose to take what people say at face value. If it's just fantasy, as some suggest, then it's on them really, and isn't it then just better to move on and leave it alone?

Otherwise, if it is the truth then can't it be left to those who do believe it to answer in a kind, sympathetic and understanding way?

ClareAB

Thank you. I do not understand the judgementalism, mockery, sexual jokes... This happened yesterday and I'm still in shock. However, I'm flying out to spend a week with one of my sons, who lives in Denmark with his wife and 2 tiny girls, 2 and 8 months on Monday. So I'm going to take a photo of the cup/saucer and cane, go away and have a beautiful time with my granddaughters, then see if they've disappeared when I get home.

It's hard to know exactly what is upsetting you Clare.

*Husband is boring now he's old and incontinent
* Husband is keeping a secret from you
* Housekeeper friend is keeping a secret from you
* You simply want a space of your very own
* You resent that a secret 'affair' between housekeeper/friend and husband is a poor reward for all you have done for both of them

PS Enjoying porn is sign of lack of libido.

It’s a storm in a tea cup. Pun intended.

This has been an interesting thread, but I still think it doesn't ring true. The poster seems to add more bizarre details with each
post.
I think that either Clare is fantasising, or she is trying to glean ideas for a story, based on readers' replies.
Sorry Clare, but why would a young 40-something woman be sexually stimulated by a 78 year old incontinent man. I don't mean to insult your husband, by the way.

Sorry Clare, but why would a young 40-something woman be sexually stimulated by a 78 year old incontinent man

I did wonder what the charge per hour is for cleaning these days. It's not unknown, I have heard of a case before involving a carer and her elderly client!

Believe me or do not. For me it's about betrayal.
I've taken a picture of the cup and cane and left them exactly where he put them. The cleaner has arrived. It will be interesting to see if the box with the cup in it is still there when she leaves. I'm upstairs in bed with a 'migraine'

That's why it never crossed my mind. Shes 41 is and pretty. But I always thought their friendship was entirely just that. Maybe it's purely a kink thing with no actual sexual stuff. Maybe he does pay her... I have no idea

This has been an interesting thread, but I still think it doesn't ring true. The poster seems to add more bizarre details with each
post.
I think that either Clare is fantasising, or she is trying to glean ideas for a story, based on readers' replies.
Sorry Clare, but why would a young 40-something woman be sexually stimulated by a 78 year old incontinent man. I don't mean to insult your husband, by the way.

Belardo perhaps something to review after some time on Gransnet: people have different reactions in replying if they find the O/P inauthentic or a fantasist, or possibly manipulative: calling them out, goon along with the O/P making bizarre suggestions, trying to catch the O/P out at their own games and so on.

There really is a really strong loving response when its clear the need is genuine

I think, given the evidence of several threads, the O/P could usefully do what many of us have had to do in our lives, which is go for counselling,

instead of game playing on open social media.

I mean there is potentially a perfectly innocent cleaner being called out publicly and so on.

Lathyrus3

Where does the teacup come into it?

I can’t quite get the picture 🤣🤣🤣

For light refreshment after the spanking presumably.

Desdemona

Lathyrus3

Where does the teacup come into it?

I can’t quite get the picture 🤣🤣🤣

For light refreshment after the spanking presumably.

Camomile tea is very calming.

Can you say more about a kink thing please? Every time it comes up I think of a large hosepipe.

sixandahalf

Can you say more about a kink thing please? Every time it comes up I think of a large hosepipe.

So do I.

Sheltered life and all that.

The teacup and saucer are handpainted with humming birds, something she has a thing for. The box holding the teacup and saucer in styrofoam was on the very top of a cupboard. On top of the same cupboard was a cane. The only fact I have not told the exact truth about is the particular bird she is into. I am most definitely not a fantasise, but at 60 years old I've seen and been through many challenging times. For those pouring scorn and belittling comments, I hope you feel better. For those who've been open minded, non-judgemental and kind, thank you.

Oh dear, I hope you can get the help you clearly need to sort yourself out and live a more meaningful life.

People are wonderfully weird aren't they?

On another thread where you were complaining about your family, you wrote: Give it to me straight, I can take it.

OK. You titled this thread. Unfaithful husband question mark.

You are berating people for not being open-minded when you are not being open-minded yourself.

You have no evidence that any impropriety has taken place. If you love this women like a daughter as you claim then why can’t you talk to her? It’s as if you are enjoying torturing yourself over this when you could simply ask her. She may know nothing about it.

Maybe your husband did buy the objects with some S&M fantasy in mind with a woman young enough to be his grandaughter but took it no further. He put them where you wouldn’t normally reach as he knows you snoop in his bedroom.

Unless you ask the people in your household about this then you will get precisely nowhere. All you have to do is show her the box and ask why it’s in the cupboard. Most people can’t lie convincing when surprised. If not words, then body language will give them away.

I say ask her and not him in case he tried to coerce her in some way. If she does know something about it, give her a chance to explain.

This may be a whole other story than the one you are imagining.

This may be a whole other story than the one you are imagining
It may indeed Graphite …….. a story indeed.
In views of your other threads I m beginning to think there’s a vivid imagination involved ClareAB if however it is all true then the only way is to talk to one of the two culprits otherwise you will go round in circles for ever in your ‘writers’ imagination.
Perhaps it’s just that, and as a writer you are always looking for clues or reasons behind anything out of the ordinary and imagining a very elderly, impotent, incontinent man in nappies romping round the room with a cane in his hand while the pretty 41 year old admires her beautiful cup is way beyond my own imagination levels.

If you want a way out of the marriage just do that get your ducks in a row and find a nice little house for you snd do your own cleaning

This may be a whole other story than the one you are imagining.

I agree. Good post, Graphite.

Clare, you say you and your husband had kinky sex, and so you would know what the cane is for during kinky sex.

Do you fear your husband's kinkiness extends to secret adultery?

If your husband is keeping the alleged adultery secret then it looks like he wants to preserve the marriage.
If your husband is into pornography maybe his alleged affair with Jeanie is a desperate attempt to get his libido going again.

I can understand that your predicament is genuine, but the evidence of the juxtaposition of the humming birds and the cane is slender. I suggest you remove the cane, hide it, put the cup on a lower shelf , and use the top shelf for storing blankets. This would suggest that you suspect nothing untoward is happening. In any case I doubt if the alleged affair is a love affair!

Grannynannywanny

Is it possible he’s secretly practising a juggling act and is spinning the cup and saucer aloft on the headmaster’s cane?

😂😂😂😂😂

You could get the cup out, use it and, if he says anything, say "I found this when I was spring-cleaning, did you mean to wrap it up for me at Christmas? It's so lovely, thank you".

BlueBelle
You've made me laugh 🤣🤣🤣

I think it was the romping around the room in a nappy ... as if!

I'd be tempted to smear the cane with thick black grease and see what happens. Or some sort of dye.

(Not poking fun, that's a genuine thought).