If you are dealing with narcissism, let’s all help each other.

I agree. I’ve never been so unfortunate to have to deal with this, but I do understand how utterly awful it must be to have done so ir worse be dealing with it now.

Bravo for wanting to be a positive support to others

Thank you Cossy.

Narcissistic people are very important people in their eyes they are never at fault and very good liars, often very charming to those around them work colleagues and friends. I believe even believing their own lies. Don’t feed their ego grey rock approach as much as possible is our strategy. There is no reasoning with a narcissist so it’s about protecting yourself. Give no reaction communication only when necessary. A narcissist is only nice when they want something. If you cross them and don’t go along with with what they want you are punished and experience vile behaviour.
I constantly live in fear what he will do to my daughter next and what my grandchildren will suffer at his hands. Control is important to them. It is something you live with and over time learn to manage. Stay strong

Don’t justify, argue deny explain. Communication only when necessary and use the Grey Rock Technique.

Their lies are so clever, my Mother told everyone I was a compulsive liar, therefore nobody in the family would believe me!

It’s interesting how they all use the same methods, it’s almost as though they all had a chip inserted at birth.

Not in my family but with a friend who felt she had every right to integrate herself into every aspect of my life. Luckily I saw through her and was able to distance myself and finally let her go. Not an easy thing to do though if it is a family member.

NPD is a clinical diagnosis. I wonder how many people have actually received said diagnosis from an actual psychiatrist since it became so internet-trendy to label everyone a narcissist who we have problems with. Not to downplay anyone’s issues but it does make me wonder.

BlessedArt

NPD is a clinical diagnosis. I wonder how many people have actually received said diagnosis from an actual psychiatrist since it became so internet-trendy to label everyone a narcissist who we have problems with. Not to downplay anyone’s issues but it does make me wonder.

The big problem here is that a narc would never admit to any failings so is highly unlikely to be diagnosed.

I do however agree it’s become a popular label.

My DS has been married for 11 years to a narcissist. She has abused him most of that time which we did not know about. She told me all sorts of lies about him which at the time I believed.
He has finally come to us to tell us he is filing for divorce very much against her wishes. He felt a failure until he spoke to a psychiatrist friend who told him that judging from her behaviour his wife is a total narcissist.
We are getting our son back but meanwhile she is doing all she can to slow the process down.

A good number of years ago I asked Google what percentage of psychologist were narcs. The reply was it estimated a much greater percentage Interestingly when the same question was asked recently a different answer was given.

Today I took the bull by the horns and went with a walking group for the first time. A woman started talking to me about her life, almost all of it spilling out to a total stranger.
She said her children to whom she no longer speaks, accused her of being a narcissist- later on she told me her own mother was a narcissist and that she no longer speaks to her either.
I tried my best but it was hard listening to this stuff...

keepingquiet

Today I took the bull by the horns and went with a walking group for the first time. A woman started talking to me about her life, almost all of it spilling out to a total stranger.
She said her children to whom she no longer speaks, accused her of being a narcissist- later on she told me her own mother was a narcissist and that she no longer speaks to her either.
I tried my best but it was hard listening to this stuff...

A lot of red flags there!

Narcs are always looking for a flying monkey who will listen to their woes and eventually be drawn in.

Luck escape!

I’d appreciate your views about a friend I’ve known for 7 or 8 years. Or is she a friend? We originally met at an exercise class which now no longer exists and got on really well together and since it finished we’ve just met in the local town (where we both live) for coffee and a chat. It used to be every few weeks but now she has started taking multiple holidays and is rarely back in the uk for more than 2 or 3 weeks at a time. She always says to me after meeting up, ‘I’ll be in touch’, and that can mean in a week or months, maybe even 4 or 5 months. Then, she treats me like a long lost friend, hugging and kissing and basically, it’s coffee with her recalling all of her travels which can be interesting but to be honest, can be a bit boring! There’s nothing like hearing the details of some else’s holiday is there! She does ask how I am but in comparison, my life might seem mundane which I don’t think greatly interests her. She will often abruptly just look at her watch and say that she must get home whether it’s been even just thirty minutes or so. I suppose I feel I’m being used. She doesn’t seem to have any other friends locally and I’m not sure why she wants to stay in touch…..and then she’s off again….I do like her but to me, a friendship is more than that. I think she’ll be in touch soon as the dates she told me mean that she’ll be home for a few weeks. Perhaps I should cherish all my relationships but I’m not sure what to do and have never been in this situation before. I have a few good friends and a number of acquaintances but with this I don’t know how to keep seeing her without rightly or wrongly, feeling resentment and a degree of hurt. On the other hand, I don’t know how to respond to her texts without being unfriendly.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Magenta I think you’ve replied to the wrong post.

Oh it seems it’s me that’s posted in the wrong place, sorry!
I’ll try to make it a separate post….

Stillness

I’d appreciate your views about a friend I’ve known for 7 or 8 years. Or is she a friend? We originally met at an exercise class which now no longer exists and got on really well together and since it finished we’ve just met in the local town (where we both live) for coffee and a chat. It used to be every few weeks but now she has started taking multiple holidays and is rarely back in the uk for more than 2 or 3 weeks at a time. She always says to me after meeting up, ‘I’ll be in touch’, and that can mean in a week or months, maybe even 4 or 5 months. Then, she treats me like a long lost friend, hugging and kissing and basically, it’s coffee with her recalling all of her travels which can be interesting but to be honest, can be a bit boring! There’s nothing like hearing the details of some else’s holiday is there! She does ask how I am but in comparison, my life might seem mundane which I don’t think greatly interests her. She will often abruptly just look at her watch and say that she must get home whether it’s been even just thirty minutes or so. I suppose I feel I’m being used. She doesn’t seem to have any other friends locally and I’m not sure why she wants to stay in touch…..and then she’s off again….I do like her but to me, a friendship is more than that. I think she’ll be in touch soon as the dates she told me mean that she’ll be home for a few weeks. Perhaps I should cherish all my relationships but I’m not sure what to do and have never been in this situation before. I have a few good friends and a number of acquaintances but with this I don’t know how to keep seeing her without rightly or wrongly, feeling resentment and a degree of hurt. On the other hand, I don’t know how to respond to her texts without being unfriendly.

She isn’t necessarily a narc but probably a bit self absorbed.

If she isn’t nasty in any way I should just see her occasionally and take it for what it is.

That’s a trick my Mother was good at……how can I spoil her elation on becoming a mother, on her wedding day, childs baptism etc.

She would then defend herself by saying it was out of love and concern.

I was married to one many years ago and the pain will not go away.

My ex husband is a narcissist. It took me years to accept and not blame myself for everything toxic he did, all kinds of lies, manipulation and abuse. I agree with BlessedArt that NPD is a diagnosis and I also agree very few people who are narcissists would allow themselves to be diagnosed, or even think they needed it.
The scary and, I guess in some ways, "good" thing is that there IS a commonality and pattern to how they ostracize their targets. My ex did it with my children and with their teachers. My son is on the autism spectrum and he did it with psychiatrists, doctors, everyone. It was a living hell until we were finally in litigation and through discovery I was able to see all the lies, in writing. Sounds like a Lifetime movie I know.
These people, more men than women, thrive off other people's pain, usually good people who are highly empathic. While I would need a diagnosis to believe what a lot of people say about particular behavior patterns, I don't need it with him. And after 30 years of pain for others, he still believes everyone else is the problem.
I've moved on and I'm discharging this energy from my body but what a trip it's been.

My mother tried to destroy me the night before my wedding. She never mentioned it the morning of the wedding. Gave me breakfast in bed for the first time in my 22 years! I had to go to have my hair done on my own! I was never respected! Apology on her death bed didn’t cut it!

Had 1 for 47 years, its so wearing

GrannyIvy Such a brilliant explanation. The person married to our family member hid his real personality from us for 12 years and I only had one uneasy feeling about him in all that time. I really liked him and only saw the real, very frightening, individual when divorce proceedings started. I felt so angry with myself for being hoodwinked for so long and so not offering her any support. I only hope their dc will realise what he is early in life. Fortunately (but very sadly not for her), he met another woman to distract his controlling attention. I need to look up the grey rock technique. Thank you.

I seem to be a target for narcissists. I have heard so many bad luck stories/self aggrandising speeches/ streams of consciousness which WILL NOT be interrupted. I have helped people out with accommodation/lifts/loans/free tuition - the list goes on. Maybe word’s got round that I’m a soft touch? On the positive side, I’m a writer and my most recent novel featured a malignant narcissist (which condition I researched with the aid of a psychiatrist acquaintance). These people can gain an insidious hold on your life, make you question yourself - some are very adept at it. Looking back, I’m beginning to wonder if someone very close to me was of the narcissist inclination, given the fictional help they claimed to have given me and the equally fictional hard time I gave them. I’ll never know unless I offload to said psychiatrist… or maybe I’m the narcissist here? 😂😂

we are all narcissistic in our own way, your post has a touch of narcism, what exactly is narcism, no one can truly explain