How do I get past this

My mother and FIL both died young as a result of a heavy smoking habit. My mother died when my eldest was three and my FIL never saw his GCs.

Both of them were so seriously addicted that nothing anyone said or did, believe me we all tried, made any impression on them. It seems that, in some cases, smoking takes over the mind as well as the body. In other words, they have to want to stop.

My husband went from 40 a day to zero after reading this book. He didn't even tell me he was doing it. Almost 20 years on he has never smoked again and says he doesn't miss it.

My other half was a 40 a day man for 40 years! It was the cough which made him stop but he has now developed COPD so on an inhaler when he remembers! As others have said you are dealing with an adult as am I ! You cannot make them do anything unless they really want to ! Some folks just gave addictive personalities and are very stubborn !!
Good luck!

As an ex smoker I firmly believe no outside help will work until you are really committed to stopping. It's easy to say I wish I could stop but you have to really want to.

Leave him be, thank god it's not drugs

Just as well your DH is financially secure! At £15 for twenty cigarettes is the best part of £5,500 a year! You have my deepest sympathies, my DH was also a smoker but gave up when he was in his thirties. I hated it with a vengeance, and the smell of it always seems dirty to me although I know it’s not from lack of personal hygiene. I don’t think a dedicated smoker will ever give up unless they really really want to. I think I would say it’s me or the fags! Good luck.

You knew when you married your husband that he smoked and had done so for many years prior to the pair of you meeting.

I know, and you know, and he can hardly avoid knowing it as well, that smoking is not healthy, but has he ever said he wants to give it up? And have you ever seriously asked him to do so?

No one who is addicted to anything will be able to quit it, unless they really, really want to and have a lot of help.

Sadly, if your husband is coughing and bringing up phleghm it may be too late for stopping smoking to do any real good.

jakuss

Leave him be, thank god it's not drugs

Make no mistake, nicotine is a very powerful and dangerously addictive drug. Just because it is readily available legally doesn't mean it is not as much a drug as heroin, cocaine and marijuana and all the other illegals.

I have'nt smoked for over 50 years, but I still fancy one.

The word ‘phlegm’ would mean divorce or living separately for me.

I understand completely I smoke for 40 years and it was only because I was fed up of the smell of tobacco in my hair and constantly wiping down white paint work and because I knew my husband would like me to give up did I do anything about it. I went to a hypnotist and after two sessions I decided I didn't like smoking. Nowadays I can't bear the smell of anyone smoking and if anyone is a smoker I have to move away . I have successfully being a non-smoker for 30 years
.
.

Not only DH is exposed to smoking but you are too. Just impose "no smoking zones" for your own health. He is addicted and unless anything obviously serious happens sounds
like he will not give up.

Does he smoke around you? Couldn’t live with someone who had so little regard for my health.

I'm so sad to say OP, that I TOTALLY understand how you feel. My DH has smoked all his life, he is now 65. He gave up once for about a year, but there was a stressful event, and lo and behold he went back to it. Recently he has had to go into hospital for surgery, and told me he knew he had to stop. He stopped for 4 weeks, then the 2 days before the operation, he gave into the urge, although only had 1 each day. He's now home from hospital, and the first time he was able to get outside (I won't let him do it inside), he was straight back on them. He was found to have Claudication in his legs 5 years ago, and was told that if he didn't stop smoking he would end up having his legs amputated. Even this didn't stop him! He is now due to have a stent put in his leg because of this. In reality, much as it upsets me, because I love him deeply and don't want to lose him, I KNOW he won't give up now, as if he was going to do it long term, he would have with the threats he's already seeing to his life, and now, to top it all off he has COPD! If I didn't love him so much, I would leave him, but as I do, I have to accept that it's his choice, hard as it is.

As an ex-smoker, I can confirm it is an addiction that the person concerned has to really, really want to give up.

I tried the patches, but it was the inhaling that I really missed, so I bought some "herbal" tobacco - no, not the illegal stuff, this was from Holland and Barrett - mixed a little bit in with normal tobacco (I rolled my own ciggies) and gradually increased the amount until there was no normal tobacco in there. That was when I was able to decide there was no point to the "rollies" and could stop.

Even now, I could start smoking again very very easily, on the rare occasion I'm near someone smoking, I have been known to take a long deep breathe of the drifting smoke!

Smoking is a drug.

My DH smoked for years and always found it hard to give up. He went into hospital about 18 months ago as one of his medications for his COPD was changed and it made him ill. He was in hospital for 3 weeks and has never smoked since. It has never bothered him to have given up so suddenly.
However, it was found he had sleep apnoea and has a cpap machine at night and now might have to have an oxygen machine in the day. I can't imagine what he would be like if he still smoked. He did so well to give up like he did.

I gave up smoking over 22 years ago.
I used to smoke a ton of roll ups everyday because they were cheap.
See below for my health reasons for giving up smoking .

I was a very heavy smoker and loved smoking. Smoked for nearly 30 years. Then l started to lose some teeth because l had a gum disease through smoking.

The teeth were fine, my gums didn't hurt but they had begun to shrink.

Then l had to have a radical hysterectomy

You know the ones before key hole surgery. Where you could almost have a taxi waiting to take you home after the op.

My hysterectomy was old school. Where you feel as though you are the Magicians Assistant Lady and have been cut in half.

So l decided l needed to stop smoking before the operation. With help of nicotine patches, the Allen Carr book on giving up smoking and liquorice strips and plenty of bottled water. I managed to do it.

Luckily l don't drink and live by myself so l didn't have any distractions.

Had a lung x-ray last year and do have some damage but was pleased it was not that serious.

Also the UK price of cigarettes is now phenomenal So that should be a big incentive to stop smoking.

But it is an addicton and a really enjoyable habit. And only you can decide if you want to stop.

So Good Luck if you trying to give up smoking and don't be too hard on yourself..If you have few false starts.

Keep trying,
Best of luck
🤞👍

I'm a smoker but haven't smoked in the house for over 10 years now. I smoke in my car when I'm alone or in the garden. I was diagnosed with COPD 15 years ago but still able to get around with some breathlessness. My GP told me there's no cure so no point giving up when I was diagnosed. I tried Vapes for a while but then read they can cause lung damage much faster than cigarettes even in just 2 years, and also popcorn lung. Àll my relatives over 50yrs have COD too.
OP at least send your OH outside to smoke as a compromise. Or only to smoke in the bathroom with the windows open. Best wishes

Hi OP I really sympathise with you . My father was a heavy smoker for over 40 years . He tried everything to give up . Patches , gum , hypnosis but it never lasted long and he was back smoking. Aged 60 he had a heart attack and needed a bypass . His cardiologist told him to stop smoking or his prognosis would be poor . He stopped that day and never smoked again . I was pregnant with his first grandchild and he said that and his severe health scare was the motivation he needed . Sadly he died from a heart attack age 70 .
As with any addiction, change has to come from the person themselves, which is very frustrating for loved ones .
Due to my father’s smoking , I’ve never smoked and absolutely hate it. As a hygienist I’ve seen the effect on teeth and gums . Thankfully my dh has never smoked and my AC have experimented as teenagers, but have never continued.
Just a thought OP but do you or he have children or grandchildren, who could get on board.

Thank-you for your replies, I have twin daughters in their 30's now . We have 3 grandchildren from one of my daughters. They love grandad and have mentioned his smoking to me , but not too him . His Mother just turned 90 , he's her only child . She's asked him as well , I think thatz why he decided to get the vape. I've noticed he only uses it when he thinks anyone is watching him . He keeps his ciggies in his workshop . My own father died of lung cancer aged 70. He had given up smoking in his 40's . He smoked around all of us from babies , the house always smelt of cigarette. I know he was a smoker when we met but it didn't seem to effect him so much as it does now . I suppose I thought he would try harder now its effecting his health so much

I can't offer much in the way of help/ advice; it sounds as though your husband has to understand how much it is upsetting you.

I can say that I was a heavy smoker for several years , but I did reach a point where I knew that I must stop. I bought nicotine chewing gum and managed to stop smoking after a few months. It wasn't easy.,

Unfortunately it is an addiction, and for many it is difficult, if not impossible to give up. Some can and do stop successfully - my Father was one. He went cold turkey, and never smoked again. He stopped in 1987 so didn’t smoke for 15 years, until his death.

I’m convinced, though, that his smoking had a negative impact on my Mother’s health, who never was a smoker, but died of oesophageal cancer. I think breathing in smoke from his cigarettes for all those years (and probably whilst growing up because Grandad was a heavy smoker, too), contributed to her cancer. I could be wrong, but I’m sure it won’t have helped).

Perhaps you could get your husband to reconsider because of the impact it could be having on your health.

My husband smoked for 40 years, I hated the smell, he nearly died with pneumonia and didn't smoke again, although I think he may have something wrong with his throat, he won't discuss, burying his head in the sand, 76 going on 2,

One of my daughters friends has a mother that smokes , she was diagnosed with oesophagus cancer last year. She's had chemotherapy and radiation therapy, she carried on smoking throughout, despite her families concerns .