How do I get past this

Debbi58

Thank you for your replies , he doesn't smoke in the house. He was 60 in January and declared, this is the year , he was going to give up smoking . He took early retirement 4 years ago . He's financially secure , it is expensive though nearly £15 now for a packet of 20. Which he buys everyday. For me , it's the effect on his health, I try not to worry about him , but when he coughing so much , it's hard not too. I fear this could come between us

Debbi58, I hear you and know too well how you feel. When I met my late husband I didn't realise he smoked. He never carried his smokes, he never smoked anywhere near me or non smokers. He started smoking daily since he was twelve years old. (That is another story) This makes it nearly impossible to give up, even with an extreme willingness to quit. The cough, phelm, loss of weight is a worry. My husband was very proud he hadn't seen a doctor in over 25 years. I ended up making an altermative and gave him forty-eight hours to agree for me to make him a Doctor's appointment. He wouldn't until I started packing. (I probably wouldn't have left). After he finally saw a doctor, tests same day, more tests next day, major hospital specialists a few days later, he was told he had about four weeks to live. (he lived five weeks after this) Too late for any treatment. He was 64 years when he passed. Sometimes I feel I didn't try hard enough to get him a Doctor's appointment sooner, but not my fault. Shear stubbornness from an incredible strong man of our era, having been taught "push through the pain".

Sorry for your loss. You're correct that it was not your fault, he was a grown man and if he was that concerned, he would have made his own doctor's appointment. It's very sad that you've been widowed so young 💐.

You only have to look at the patients outside hospital entrances in their pyjamas and dressing gowns, connected up to portable drips, some in wheelchairs, desperately puffing away on a cigarette, to realise what an addiction smoking is. It must be frustrating and heartbreaking for the families, but that is the strength of the addiction. It upsets me that despite all the dangers, disgusting pictures of cancer infected organs on cigarette packets, youngsters are still taking up smoking. I've never smoked, not even a puff, I grew up with friends who did and sadly several are now suffering for it, lung cancer, COPD and emphysema just a few consequences of wanting to look cool and part of the "in crowd". Very sad 😢.

A friend of mine, who had worked as a district nurse, told me a very sad story.

There was a woman on her books who had the sort of severe circulatory problems normally associated with heavy smoking but she was a non-smoker and the doctors were baffled. Both her legs had been amputated.

Her husband, who was her full-time sole carer, was seen as being a saint. During her first week at the job, my friend popped in to introduce herself and as the husband was about to wash and dress his wife for the day she went up to help.

She had noticed the cigarette fug as soon as she came through the door and all the time she was there the husband had a fag on. He was blowing cigarette smoke directly onto his wife all the time he was turning, washing and dressing her.

This was at a time when the tobacco industry was pumping out false statistics to prove that passive smoking was not dangerous.

My wife and I completely avoid anybody who is smoking . It is so anti social and makes them smell horrible. Why can`t they see that ? If this Lady has been married 40 years with him then she must have been breathing in this rubbish every day with him and possibly will have lung disease as well , just like Roy Castle years ago.
Never smoked but died of lung cancer.
Something to think of.

Poor lady. That makes me think of Roy Castle, he never smoked but died from lung cancer, thought to have been caused by performing in smokey rooms for years 😢.

A Dr on tv this morning talking about the nicotine pouches that you put under your top lip likened quitting smoking was akin to heroin.
It’s not until that little voice goes off in you head that you will stop.
There’s also the physical addiction.

Let him know you do not like the smell of smoke, be it on him and his clothing or in a room in the house. Clearly stipulate that you are no longer willing to tolerate it.
If you are really concerned about his health, and yours because this also affects you, (if I were you), mention moving out into your own flat where life would be easier for you. It's obvious he doesn't care about you and your health. Maybe suggest a trial separation to let him know how serious it is.
I know this sounds drastic, but having a stubborn, inconsiderate spouse, who is actually still a youngster, who is willing to jeopardise your relationship, your health and his future health (he is only 60), one has to give an ultimatum.

I have read all these comments with sad fellow-feeling. My darling Mother died from cancer at 46 years old - mostly because my Father was a heavy smoker. She herself had an odd cigarette, but never on her own. My Father was quite a bit older than her and died 11 months later. My younger sister was only 13 years old at the time so cigarettes had a very disastrous effect on our family. Thank goodness they are frowned upon now - and they make their users smell horrible!

If all else fails make him take lungwort, it helped my ex.

I'd never heard of lungwort so I just googled it. Very interesting. As well as treating the lungs, it can also help with stomach problems and urinary tract infections.

I read something a while ago about New Zealand or Auustralia raising the age requirement to purchase cigarettes every year. I thought that was creative and hope it has a big impact.

Alan Carr's book is an eye-opener. He takes the fear away from becoming a quitter.

As an ex smoker I can say stopping is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. That was 40+ years ago. I eventually quit using nicotine chewing gum. Does your local surgery run a Stop Smoking Clinic? A bit of support like that might help him. Good luck to you both.

Maybe the OP's husband should read this thread and seriously think about the impact of his smoking on the rest of his family.

My husband smoked for years and years, wouldn't or couldn't give it up, I found him dead in bed a month ago. It was COPD that killed him, what a waste of a life.

The last few days his cough has got worse , it sounds like he can't catch his breath. He's still smoking and is in denial, when I ask him about it , he's tells me , he's fine !!!

Murraymints65
I'm so sorry for your loss

murraymints65

My husband smoked for years and years, wouldn't or couldn't give it up, I found him dead in bed a month ago. It was COPD that killed him, what a waste of a life.

💐

I quit smoking in 2007 with the help of Chantix not sure what it's called now and if its even available but for me it made quitting super easy!!!!