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Has anyone else had the experience of someone close dying at an appropriate moment

(30 Posts)
flowerfriend Mon 28-May-12 19:24:48

My very closest friend arrived at her fathers bedside today just minutes before he died. She arrived there after a long journey and having been told on Saturday that his death was imminent.

When my husband died - he had been operated on for a cancer and complications - my sons believe it was after he had realised that I would be fine left in their hands. They had been busy chopping wood and clearing the cellar and generally getting things straight.

Am just left wondering.

jeni Mon 28-May-12 19:34:14

Yes, my darling! He'd sorted out his office, sent things over to the accountants, our daughter arrived on the Wednesday from Alderney ci.
I stayed the night on the thurs, went to have a quick shower, just got back in the room and dressed, he looked at me, and died!
All very peaceful and I was there!

flowerfriend Mon 28-May-12 19:42:54

jeni sunshine

anma Mon 28-May-12 19:51:12

My mother died the day before we went on holiday. She had been diagnosed with cancer after we'd booked. It was as if she wanted us to go.

nelliedeane Mon 28-May-12 19:51:45

Mum had rallied at lunch time we with her I was feeding her,by evening visiting she had lapsed into a coma,we sat all night with her knowing the end was near,all night nurses checked on mum and us,but the one person mum wanted there without a shadow of a doubt was my brother, who was at work and to far away to get home,he arrived at the end of his journey,we had to get home to see to my granddaughter,mum knew he was there she was in a deep coma,she moved her head to the sound of his voice and contentedly and peacefully left us.

granjura Mon 28-May-12 19:55:36

It happens often really. My very best friend asked for me to come and visit her- as she was very sick with pancreatic cancer. I lived in the UK and her in Switzerland. Her husband came to fetch me from the station, and when we arrived at the hospital I took her in my arms, and she died. She was, I am quite sure, waiting for me to arrive as she didn't want her husband to be alone- she knew he wouldn't cope. Her husband was also a childhood friend- I was like a sister to him. That was 10 years ago- still miss her very much.

granjura Mon 28-May-12 20:01:23

On the other hand, I now realise that I stopped my mother from 'going'. The OAP home phoned me several times to say I should come quickly, as mum was so unwell. I would rush to the airport, jump on a plane, hire a car and get there within hours. I'd kiss her and put her head back on my chest and massage her head and shoulders and say 'it's OK mum, I'm here'. She would start to eat again, and perk up, and after a week or two I'd return to the UK. And then the same again a couple of months later.

In the end, having bought a house here and almost ready for the big move, she died 3 weeks before. We of course rushed over to be with my dad, who was himself amazingly fit for his 96 years. Then back for the move and dad died 2 months later, totally unexpected. C'est la vie.

JessM Mon 28-May-12 20:15:55

My mother died at an inopportune moment. I was en route to Kuala Lumpur to meet OH to have a really nice holiday. (he was based in HK at the time)
I think she had reached the end of her tether with motor neurone disease a few days before and stopped taking her steroids etc (which she was on for other conditions) . That might do it.
Poor old OH got a fax under the hotel door in the small hours and had to tell me when I arrived. Day trip to KL. Rubbish timing. And the insurance did not pay out on grounds of "pre-existing condition".

Annobel Mon 28-May-12 20:16:28

My mother had a very aggressive cancer and wasn't expected to last much longer. My sister got on a flight from New Zealand and it wasn't until after she arrived that Mum died.

jeni Mon 28-May-12 20:41:13

My father held on until my daughter was born. He was able to hold her before he died. He was only 54 he had an aggressive brain tumour and was expected to die about 6months before! But once he realised I was pregnant he held on until she was here! That was 38 years ago!

whenim64 Mon 28-May-12 21:02:26

My auntie waited for my mum to get to the hospital before she died. She had cancer and was a long way from mum's home, but she got there with minutes to spare and they were able to acknowledge each other. The nurses said they knew my auntie had been hanging on to see her sister.

nanaej Mon 28-May-12 21:24:18

Unfortunately not my experience. Mum (61) had been ill for a while (heart failure) and was in hospital. Dad sat with her almost all the time. We knew time was short and my brother was coming home form Kuwait to see her and Dad had gone to meet him up and take him to the hospital. We all went together to discover she had died five minutes before we all got theresad Five years later , OH and DDs were staying in Dad's caravan in Yorkshire during half term. On our way home we stopped to visit a theme park and got home later than planned. My brother phoned to say dad (67) died that lunchtime.sad It was hard both times not to have been there with them.

My MiL had a better death. My BiL had visited her that afternoon. He left her as bright as a button at about 5:00p.m. When she was found in her flat by her carer next morning she was seated in her chair, half a cup of tea and a half eaten slice of her favourite lemon meringue pie. She had died at about 5:45. She looked very content in her chair when OH & I got there. smile She was 98.

jeni Mon 28-May-12 21:28:22

A good death!

kittylester Tue 29-May-12 05:43:52

Some lovely moving stories. flowers

When we lived in Australia, some friends were about to arrive for a stay as part of a trip round Australia and New Zealand. About 30 minutes before we expected them to arrive the wife's sister rang and told us that their father had died unexpectedly. As our friends arrived I took the husband on one side to explain the situation so he could break the news gently to his wife.

What he actually said was, 'Your father died yesterday, ruined our b****y holiday, that has' He wouldn't allow her to go home for the funeral as their insurance policy meant that they would all have had to go and they would miss out on New Zealand!

They are divorced now!

Mamie Tue 29-May-12 07:23:13

My mother had terminal cancer. She stayed at home until she couldn't fight it any more (her words). She got up, had a bath and dressed herself, then was driven to the Marie Curie hospice. She lapsed into unconciousness almost straight away and died peacefully the next day, with us all around her.
My father died ten days before our wedding, when I was at university doing exams. That wasn't so good.

shysal Tue 29-May-12 08:53:35

An elderly neighbour, whom I had been looking after because of his long term estrangement from his son, was obviously close to death one morning, calling his son's name. Fortunately my final attempt at getting him to visit his Dad was successful and they were able to say sorry and goodbye after which he passed peacefully away. I am sure he had been hanging on until that moment.

greenmossgiel Tue 29-May-12 09:02:09

shysal, that was surely a 'good death' for your neighbour, and so hard for his son to deal with - but it may just have changed how the rest of his own life went, who knows? Life is short indeed.

Annobel Tue 29-May-12 10:00:55

kitty, what a horrid, insensitive man that was. Reminds me a bit of my ex's reaction to my mum's death. Pointed out that I didn't get on with her that well. he hadn't a clue about the gap that is left in one's life by the loss of a parent - maybe he learned that later on. He also got stroppy when my dad arranged the funeral very quickly, growling about how inconvenient it was. It still took anther three years for me to get rid of him.

glammanana Tue 29-May-12 11:37:54

Mr.Gs dad had never had a day off work with illness from when he started work at Cammel Lairds shipyard from when he was 15yrs old until the week of his death at 64,he woke on the Monday morning with tummy ache and he decided to stay in bed so without hesitation Mr G arranged for the doctor to call,DS1 was his first DGS and was just being weaned onto baby food and after asking Mr G senior if he fancied anything to eat he said he liked the smell of the food the baby was eating,no problem said I and off I went to the shop to buy some for him,when I came back 15mins later he had died,and I think he knew he was going and did not want to traumatise me with just having a new baby,such a gentleman to the last.

Annika Tue 29-May-12 14:47:00

My dad had been in hospital some weeks. I used to visit every day. On the 15th Jan 2009 I woke with a feeling that dad wanted me , I thought about ringing the hospital to see if he was ok but I talked myself out of it as it was 3.30 am and I thought it would be unfair to ring the ward at that hour so I made a cup of tea and took it back to bed with me. No sooner had I got into bed than the phone rang, it was the hospital. Dad was slipping away and could I get there as soon as possible !
When I arrived the nurse told me that dad was very restless. When I sat by his bed within 10 minutes he had calmed down and sadly he died the next day.He was my best friend and I still miss him to this very day sad

Glammy Tue 29-May-12 16:19:38

My dad went out to lunch with mum and then collapsed about tea time. Very hard for us but great for him and the postscript helped us all. He had an appointment booked for the next day and would have learned that the chemo hadn't worked so we were pleased he didn't ever have to deal with that news.

greenmossgiel Tue 29-May-12 17:04:05

My dad had had a heart attack, had recovered well, and was getting on with life, if a little slower than he had before. We'd had a meal with him on the Saturday evening and the next morning he was found by his friend. He'd died in the night. Before we left that night I'd told my dad that I loved him - just a wee quick stroke on his arm, and "I love you". He replied that he loved me too. We weren't a demonstrative family, and I was an only child. I'd never told my mother that I loved her - that 'sort of thing' wasn't done in our family. I do so wish that I had told her.

flump Tue 29-May-12 20:20:21

My dear dad was in hospital and had his 90th birthday on Friday 13th 2008. He had never considered the number unlucky as it was his birth date. He died on the Sunday, which was Father's Day. sad

Gally Wed 30-May-12 17:38:53

All very moving stories. Apparently, North American Indians, when their time was up just sat by their totem poles and willed themselves to die - perhaps there is something in that. My Dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer and decided not to have any treatment and basically just decided to die; it took a painless 5 weeks from diagnosis; I sat with him until midnight, went to his home for a sleep and was called at 5a.m. to hear that he had died; maybe he wanted it that way?

crimson Wed 30-May-12 18:06:02

I've often heard of people sitting at bedsides in hospitals for hours/days only for the dying person to slip away when they go out for a few minutes. Interesting what you say about your Dad, Gally. I've often wondered what I would do with such a diagnosis, having seen so many people spend their last few months having unpleasant treatment to no avail. Then again, so many people have treatment and are fine afterwards.