Always One?

Can you put the notice up in a shop some have notice boards ? Set up a WhatsApp group for members information and just carry on regardless then people might question why it’s not on the church board and pressure her that way ? I wouldn’t be bullied out if you like everything else about the church because then you’re letting her win .

First of all, it is a proven fact that a bully always gets worse until they are stopped in their tracks. Secondly, the Anglican Church has a duty of care towards all the members of the congregation, and there are now safeguarding measures in place. Speak to your church’s safeguarding officer, and ask them to take measures to prevent this woman from being a dominating, unpleasant influence from now on. This should not be allowed to continue. I would not like to attend a church where anyone is being allowed to run riot with a personality disorder, and who is clearly causing distress to others. The PCC needs to be aware of the actions of one member in writing if no action is taken to regulate this very upsettng situation if the parish priest is unable to cope with it.

If she has upset other people in the church then maybe you all need to have a word with the vicar. It's a difficult one isn't it because in following Christian teachings (I'm not Christian or follow any religion - I had to church until I was 14 though!) you are supposed to practice forgiveness and understanding and sometimes others are put in our lives to test us but saying that, in my experience, bullying behaviour needs to be dealt with by pointing it out and standing up to it. Clearly, this woman is not a happy person and may have some personal issues she has not dealt with, most bullies do, but her behaviour is really not acceptable and maybe she should be made aware of this by the the Vicar? If the situation doesnt improve and you still feel uncomfortable around this women then maybe leave and find another church where the atmosphere is more happy and friendly, but sadly you do always seem to get one person in all walks of life that causes trouble!

I wonder if this person has some sort of mental health issue, maybe the loss of normal social skills is an early symptom of dementia or physical brain disease. I'm not a churchgoer but we had a similar experience in a social group I was part of, a woman behaving very oddly and freaking everyone out by taking photographs of everyone, even indoors. She had early dementia and wasn't managing well. Not suggesting your ghastly person should be let off the hook but it may not be as simple as poor social skills. It could be a concerted group effort to confront her every time she starts to behave so antisocially might help her lern to modify her behaviour. Think I'd probably try and find a different church as we have so little chance at human contact in these days of CV we need to make the most of what there is for our own mental and spiritual health and it's not fair for her to make you so unsettled.

This woman is a narcissist.
I seem to be drawn to strong characters for friends and most of them are lovely and good fun. Sadly I have had three in my life who turned out to be narcissists. they always start out as outrageous and great fun but then the urge to control or destroy creeps in. I have learned now to gradually withdraw until I actually disappear from their lives. It is not worth the stress. there are lots of nice people out there, who needs controlling bullies in their lives?

Perhaps The woman is a vulnerable Person, she sounds a very
troubled woman , if so the priest should not share her troubles
with the congregation

Actually, it is my understanding that the PCC does , somehow or other, have more "control" over what goes on in churches (CofE) than the vicar does...

having said that,, we had a lady, who , whilst not bullying , was not being very Christian, and I gather a few of the older, ie. ones who been there sometime, spoke with her, perhaps more than once, and she certainly changed,, became a nice lady.

strange that there is no one there with sufficient command, christianity??? whatever , willing to take this job on.

me? I think I would just back off, let her get on with whatever turns her on, and just go to the church services... I appreciate that the fellowship is important, but really? isn`t the prime reason we go to church to worship?

and can`t you and those who are like minded just ignore her? have nothing to do with her? let her do her ... whatever... doesn`t stop being courteous and polite if and when she "allows" it other than that, shut her out? what would Jesus do? I know!!!! but what would He do? didn`t He say something about shaking the dust off your feet and leaving those difficult people to get on with it?

Lots of sensible advice in these posts which I hope helps you .. the basic facts are that bullies present anger and aggression for many reasons but none are acceptable and even though the notice seems trivial it is the surface of deeper troubling behaviours. You most certainly need to address this with the Vicar calmly and factually at a meeting which then may need to go to their line manager. It’s one of those difficult conversations but needs doing . Don’t be afraid x

Time to get the Bishop involved, as the vicar wont do anything, and the Bishop is of course, the vicars 'boss'- im afraid id be at end of my tether, & if she shouted right in my face id slap her!

Not charitable either, i know, but maybe a short sharp shock would do the trick.

Have you talked to the churchwardens? Sounds like the vicar (and many others) are intimidated by this person.
This persons actions sound like someone who has to be in control and is in fact a very frightened lady.
Gentle persistent challenge is a useful tool; particularly if quite a few people do it at the same time!

I always feel sorry for people like this - sounds strange maybe, but I wonder how sad her life is that she feels this compulsion to control anything and everything, including, it seems, the way people worship, have a social life etc.
Really sad to hear that your vicar has not had the gumption to even quietly speak to her about the way she has spoken to people in the actual church.
You certainly need to call a meeting with the PCC with possibly the local Dean (or at least a representative from the deanery) present. If that does not work, the bishop needs to become involved .
As far as the lock on the noticeboard is concerned, I'd get it changed with 2 people that are not connected with this woman holding the keys , with an agreement made as to what is and is not allowed to be put on the board and take it all out of your sadly ineffective vicar's hands.

Here y`ar Corryanna

NIV
He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.

Change churches! The vicar is too feeble for words and church should be a happy place
Vote with your feet and take others with you!

I would change churches, this should be an enjoyable experience, not a dictatorship. I know Jesus taught us to turn the other cheek, this person clearly has problems.
In line with COVID social distancing, the vicar is not providing a safe environment for meetings, especially if this person is having a tantrum in your face. Perhaps a gentle reminder to the vicar of these guidelines might get the ball rolling?

I was bullied by a new manager in the Workplace. She'd been there under 2 years and me 14 years. She successfully turned management against me and got unpleasant characters on her side. I was alienated, put in a room in my own to work, told I was mentally ill and every aspect of my personality picked to pieces. I was driven out and have been battling for justice for 3 years now without success. When I've sent emails asking for answers they've reported me to the Police for Harrassment. It's absolutely horrific how these bullies can destroy people. I now have PTSD and will never be able to work again because of the psychological damage they have done. Before this, in my naievity, I never knew people like this existed.
In my experience you only have one option and that is to walk away as soon as possible. These people are pure evil and will go to any lengths to destroy a chosen target.
Hope you manage to find some sort of peace peace with this situation. My heart goes out to you. ?

Church....hmmm ...where is the Christianity!

I'm curious as to what hold this woman has over everyone. Why doesn't the vicar or others intervene when she has these nasty outbursts in front of others? Does she pay large amounts of money to the church so they are afraid to lose her? Jesus does say to turn the other cheek but it doesn't say to keep on doing it.

I would agree with folk who say move to another church. It's sad for you, but standing up to bullies when you are older is difficult. Don't put your health in danger by all this stress you are feeling. There's always going to be a nasty pasty in every group but this one sounds intolerable.

I am living next door to a true blue bully and I feel too old to stand up to someone with no morals or need to follow the law of the land. Drugs are involved which makes it more frightening. In the seven years he has been here he has alienated and abused virtually everyone in the street.

I have given up and am moving.

On reading this post I'm imagining a village community centred around the church and associated activities, nothing wrong with that, in fact it sounds lovely. Seemingly, one person has appointed themselves "in charge"!

Would it be logistically possible Corryanna for you to write to everyone who needs to know about the village notices, highlight the forthcoming events and also explain that notices have been removed from the notice board? It might sound a faff but I think, once the majority cotton on to this bully removing their posters " because she says so" you might discover strength on numbers.

It's a shame that people are potentially missing out on news because of one bloodyminded, power crazy bossy boots.

Our Church is the same. Except that I am not subjected to bullying. For example, it’s my daughters wedding a few years ago, and my friend whose daughter got married there too, warned me in advance that one of the Churchwardens ( I have the keys to every cupboard, and I control everything) would be there acting as a usher/guest. I went to him and said please leave my daughters wedding guests alone and leave our ushers to do their job. He sulked for a few years. The Vicar finally managed to oust him by making the Bishop bring in a rule, that no one could stay in post more than 10 years, and there had to be elections. He lost but still clung on to any role that he couldn’t be removed from.
I would get your poster printed on dayglo paper, laminate it and stick it to the outside of the cabinet.
Either you do battle with this nightmare or you limp away. Church eh ! Practice shouting.

Newatthis! .....’Jesus wouldn’t stand by and see people suffer’....... Jesus/god/holy spirit.. are all three/one ...doing a great job of doing just that ..considering what’s going on in the world. Dont ya think!

Sounds like this is a person with mental health issues and vicar is unwilling to make them worse - but he/she is going about it the wrong way. The difficult person needs to know where the boundaries are and it's up to the vicar to set them.
Certainly the worst part of being a priest!

On the subject of this horrible bully, you are not obliged to take any notice of her at all. It's awful trying to deal with people like this but nothing obliges you to go along with what she says. Print about six copies, and if she removes a notice, put another up. If she takes that down, put another up. If she rants, walk away - you do not have to listen. Turn the other cheek - a sound piece of advice which doesn't always mean meekly taking what is handed out - I take it to mean turn and walk away. I would also put in writing to the vicar your disquiet at her behaviour - she sounds as if she has a personailty disorder - and ask that he take a stand. If others will sign the letter, good. If they don't, still send it. Keep a copy and if there is no response send it to the Bishop with a covering note. You don't have to engage with her at all - leaving the scene, even if it is in the middle of a service, makes you free every time.

tell the vicar that you are going to write to the bishop over the bullying unless he does something about it. and do so. give him a month