Gransnet forums


Doing good

(20 Posts)
Grandmagrim Sat 18-Dec-21 11:50:58

At what point did the desire to do good become such a negative that the term do gooder is now almost universally recognised as a slur.

While I don’t believe that all good intentions necessarily have good results I do believe that all bad intentions will invariably do some harm somewhere. So when did doing good become the greater of two evils?

Elizabeth27 Sat 18-Dec-21 12:03:53

I think that people that genuinely do good do it quietly and where it is needed, without wanting recognition.

Do gooders tend to wade in unasked doing what they think is best and then announce on social media how they have helped somebody.

I have seen it on here in a small way where someone has announced they have found money or a purse and handed it in waiting for praise from other members just for doing the right thing.

EllanVannin Sat 18-Dec-21 12:09:49

I'm not a person that ever expects any sort of praise at all, in fact, underneath, I don't feel comfortable if/ when it's given. What a strange person I am, but that's the truth. I've always got on quietly with " things ".

DiscoDancer1975 Sat 18-Dec-21 12:38:50

Jesus said..( well it is on the ‘Religious/spiritual’ thread)...when you give...or do something for someone, do it in secret, or as we would say..don’t make a big song and dance about it, which the world is inclined to do.

God sees what we do, and no one else needs to. Jesus used the word hypocrites, and the Pharisees were an example of them.

I’m not talking about groups like the Salvation Army, who, although do lots of good things...are not advertising it, and the individuals are not recognised.

It’s more the hype around such things as Red Nose Day, Children in need etc. where, whilst good may be the final destination, the journey is all about who’s doing what, and the upping of profiles.

Caleo Sat 18-Dec-21 12:49:08

Intentions matter to yourself, when you give. This means think about the recipient and what the recipient wants.

Kim19 Sat 18-Dec-21 14:07:17

E27 first sentence says it all for me. I often read of people on here saying they donate to this that and the other whereas I believe such matters should never be revealed. I feel particularly sad when I read or wealthy or famous people making tbeir donations known. Private (or secret) is the name of the game for me.

Barmeyoldbat Sat 18-Dec-21 14:21:32

Given the Tories attitude to the NHS I can’t for the life of me understand anyone on GN voting for them as we are in a time of life when we need it most

Chestnut Sat 18-Dec-21 14:24:32

Do your good deeds in private and expect no reward nor acclaim. Although I'm not too keen on people who receive but show no gratitude or thanks. When you have gone out of your way to help someone then a 'thank you' to show appreciation is very welcome. I have sometimes thought 'I don't know why I bother' when the recipient hasn't even said thank you.

Barmeyoldbat Sat 18-Dec-21 14:37:59

Wrong post sorry

Kim19 Sat 18-Dec-21 14:50:51

I understand your point of view, Chestnut but just think of the inner warmth you felt at the time of giving/doing whatever. Some people are just plain forgetful I'm afraid.

MadeInYorkshire Sat 18-Dec-21 15:00:38

I have lived in a village now for 16+ years, there are always ambulances at my door, and we have a village full of 'worthies'. but has one of them ever knocked on my door to see how I am - not once .... (oh tell a lie, one knocked and asked if they could move the ambulance as they need to get past!)

Grandmagrim Sat 18-Dec-21 17:27:41

So basically the consensus is do gooders do good for the kudos?
I’m not sure I’d call the whitewashed sepulchres do gooders but maybe that’s because I don’t equate professing a faith to be the equivalent of being good.

Chestnut Sat 18-Dec-21 23:32:26

So H&M have made headlines again for their charity work. There is no way they want to go unnoticed. Every such move is notified to the press and flashed around the world.

DiscoDancer1975 Sun 19-Dec-21 10:29:10


So H&M have made headlines again for their charity work. There is no way they want to go unnoticed. Every such move is notified to the press and flashed around the world.

Yes...this is exactly what Jesus said don’t do.

Witzend Sun 19-Dec-21 10:36:19

I don’t think ‘do-gooder’ is used as a general term for people who ‘do good’ in whatever way, though.

Isn’t it normally reserved for the more bossy, interfering, ‘It’s for your own good’ type of action anyway?
Not to mention the sort of people who like publicising their own ‘good works’. Also known as ‘virtue signalling’ now.

BigBertha1 Sun 19-Dec-21 10:37:18

I was taught ' do good and disappear'.

grannyactivist Sun 19-Dec-21 11:08:10

I’ve been involved in charity and community work all of my adult life, but I think last year was the first time I was called a ‘do-gooder’.

I had withdrawn a service from a homeless client and in response I got a very irate phone call from a local woman who had been completely taken in by this person’s tale of woe. I had evidence that not a word of his story was true and in fact he was a very harmful, devious and manipulative person, but for reasons of confidentiality I obviously couldn’t divulge the true state of affairs.

After four or five increasingly intrusive and angry phone calls from this woman I asked her to take up her issues with the chair of my management board. She responded that I was ‘just a do-gooder’ to which I replied, ‘thank you for noticing that I do spend forty hours or so a week, unpaid, trying to do good’!

I felt quite bad about my passive-aggressive response afterwards. It’s no excuse, but I was exhausted and coping with several very draining situations at work (including the fall-out from this ex-client) and I also had a family mental health emergency I was trying to with at the same time. blush

nanna8 Sun 19-Dec-21 11:12:04

It is not a term we hear over here. It sounds extremely judgemental to me.

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 19-Dec-21 11:25:57

I don’t think you had anything to feel bad about grannyactivist. You obviously do much good for no financial reward. I think witzend put it very well. The people we call ‘do gooders’ tend to be interfering, self interested busybodies. Most who really do good do so quietly and often anonymously. Remember the surprise revelation of George Michael’s charitable work after he died? It’s a shame that as OP says the phrase ‘do gooders’ has been coined to mean almost the opposite of doing good.

Kim19 Sun 19-Dec-21 14:39:20

Bertha, hadn't heard that before but like it very much. ?