Do I leave one son out of my will.

How difficult and shocking for you to lose your husband whilst you were in hospital and unwell, a terrible shock for you and my deepest sympathy
I could NEVER leave a child out of my will even if they had wronged me it would be your last words to leave to them you’re last imprint on their life
I m unsure why you would not talk to your son yourself when your husband died surely even if estranged you would deliver that news yourself and not ask another son to do it
Are you 100% sure he knew
I see from other posters I m in the minority but all my children are my children, always

Leaving a child out of a Will is illegal in New Zealand.

You can make a token legacy, a few dollars but if it is a miniscule portion of the whole estate then it leaves it wide open to contesting and the courts often find for the contestor.

BlueBelle, I am totally in agreement with you. I advised against it as something similar happened in our family and it was devastating for all concerned. Death is very final (Yes its obvious but needs really thinking about) there is no come back, no chance to explain and no chance to say goodbye if there is hurt and disbelief from being cut out.
Children and family members loose touch for many reasons and in my experience the guilt the leaver eventually feels can lead them to really 'batten done the hatches' and stay away. They have run away because they could not face something and they remain away because the emotional resilience is just not there to return. If they could not face the arguments at the time in many cases time does not make it any better. It can make it worse.
I do speak from experience, a man who ran away from a wife and child lived to regret it. The guilt led to an estrangement from his family and as time went on he could face the recriminations and explanations even less. At least one parent died and a brother too before any rapprochement was even attempted.
The will is so final - great care should be taken.

Bluebelle has a point. I hadn't thought of that.

And Hilda.

mosaicwarts your stepson was asking if his father had thought of him. That's all. Poor man has been put in his place hasn't he.