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In Memoriam thread - would it work?

(77 Posts)

GNHQ have commented on this thread. Read here.

ixion Sat 20-Aug-22 17:50:26

Just floating this idea - I have no strong feelings one way or the other -

However, after all that has gone on with remembering Phoenix, I was wondering whether people might like a dedicated space to acknowledge sad and significant days for them and get support if they need it.
We often come across people saying 'I lost my family member/family pet etc x years ago today.
This could be a meeting and sharing place for us, if we feel the need. A simple acknowledgment where some may not visit nor read the Bereavement thread routinely.

An Argy Affiliate, newish, as was I at the time, became a close friend. She too revealed that she had terminal cancer and sadly died during her time with us, shortly afterwards.

I would like, too, to remember her here a year on.
Would this sort if thing be appropriate?

Bearing in mind that it seems to be a case of 'one in, one out' with HQ at the moment, which forum would you be prepared to exchange for this one?

Dickens Sun 04-Sep-22 10:56:06

ixion

Thank you all, and to Doodle for summarising so well.

I think that if I woke up to one of those 'significant days' and wanted to share, I wouldn't think to go to 'Bereavement', rather a mention in the equivalent of Mick's Good morning thread.
I will report this back to HQ and see if tbere is any movement to be had.

... late to the party, as usual.

Another 'yes' from me.

ixion Sun 04-Sep-22 10:15:40

Thank you all, and to Doodle for summarising so well.

I think that if I woke up to one of those 'significant days' and wanted to share, I wouldn't think to go to 'Bereavement', rather a mention in the equivalent of Mick's Good morning thread.
I will report this back to HQ and see if tbere is any movement to be had.

Doodle Tue 30-Aug-22 19:29:43

Totally Yes. Sometimes it would be to remember someone that some of us know, sometimes just a personal remembrance. I totally agree the bereavement thread is not the place for this.

Allsorts Tue 30-Aug-22 17:23:59

Great for those that it pleases but not for me.l

BlueBelle Tue 30-Aug-22 17:20:16

I think it’s a good idea too I miss Rufus s silly old fashioned sense of humour I think he may well have passed away he was very elderly and had had a few falls and lots of hospital visits
Quite a character

LauraNorderr Tue 30-Aug-22 16:43:37

Yes

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 30-Aug-22 16:38:14

Yes.

Blossoming Tue 30-Aug-22 16:13:32

Yes!

ixion Tue 30-Aug-22 16:10:58

I'll give it one more try first, Doodle.
I guess it's not just me who thinks a dedicated Forum is the answer.

If you look at the debate over the Benefits forum, with its final decision to 'tuck' (being polite here) it in to Legal, Money etc Forum, the arguments for this proposed Forum are very similar, as is the decision now to put it in Bereavement.

You wake up in the morning knowing that it is, for you, a special day. It would be great to see a place where you can just pop in a one line post, remembering and sharing the loved one you have lost. Then move on...

What you don't want, in my opinion, is to search within a Bereavement thread, where it seems a lot of ongoing support is given and friendships develop over, possibly, a long time. As happens on the other threads here, fair enough.

I saw this idea as one where you just post a message saying 'today 30 years ago, I lost my lovely mum' . Not necessarily opening up an ongoing conversation over a period of time.

Like an In Memoriam book, where people can leave a little message and feel better for it.

Yes?

Doodle Tue 30-Aug-22 15:53:37

I remember Grandmajet too Blossoming . Someone with a really lovely sense of humour despite what she was going through.
How about it Ixion. If GNHQ won’t play ball and start a forum why don’t you start the thread and see how it goes from there. Many people agree with you.

HousePlantQueen Tue 30-Aug-22 15:44:00

I think this is a lovely idea. Happily I missed the controversial posts on the Phoenix thread, like many I enjoyed her humour and miss her contributions. I know we are not supposed to speculate about previous posters, and this is probably not the place, but I often wonder about GillyBob. We often compared notes on running a small business, I hope they survived the covid lockdowns.

But, back to the original tread; yes a good and kind idea, thank you Ixion

Feelingmyage55 Tue 30-Aug-22 15:42:04

I like this idea. It would have been my beautiful Aunt’s birthday this week and I wept at the birthday cards in the local shop. I so missed buying her one, sending a quirky gift and phoning her. Lots of funny stories about her I thought about.
YES please.

Blossoming Tue 30-Aug-22 15:37:20

I think it’s highly likely that Rufus is no longer with us BarmeyOldBat. He was in his 90s and in poor health. A definite one off character smile

Grandmajet is another I remember with fondness, a very brave lady.

Barmeyoldbat Tue 30-Aug-22 15:26:41

I think it’s a great idea, I often wonder about an older man who use to come on here, think he was out in Australia, his remarks really made me laugh. Also having lost my daughter this year I am aware that on her 50th birthday in Oct I shall be emotional and it would be helpful to post something.

Charleygirl5 Tue 30-Aug-22 14:50:07

I feel at times I am classed as being in a clique, especially with Phoenix. I "knew" her for around 11 years frequently emailing but we never met.

I meet up with 3 GNs monthly for coffee and have done for 5 years. I also meet up with another larger group for coffee frequently until Covid intervened.

I email another GN very frequently so am I in a variety of cliques because I know these people quite well?

Already I am thinking about what will happen to the Phoenix thread on the anniversary of her death. The actions of some people were appalling and totally unnecessary.

AnnieGransnet (GNHQ) Tue 30-Aug-22 12:35:59

Thanks for your suggestions. You're quite welcome to start a thread - maybe in the Bereavement section.

We're not sure that a dedicated section for this would work but perhaps see how a thread goes first?

Our thoughts are with all GNers who are grieving.

Iam64 Sun 21-Aug-22 17:43:45

It’s a good idea
Like some other posters, I thought about Greatnan, Phoenix and jingles when I read this suggestion. Three posters with quite different styles of posting, each contributed so much to gransnet

Calendargirl Sun 21-Aug-22 17:33:51

Thank you dustyangel.

Kate1949 Sun 21-Aug-22 15:25:49

Yes Greenfinch they are. When I think of the things I complain about, I should be ashamed.

Greenfinch Sun 21-Aug-22 15:09:25

Kate thanks for reminding us of willsandco. I have just done a search of the threads she was on and re read her comments. They are beautiful and truly inspirational. Well worth following up.

Lucca Sun 21-Aug-22 13:25:54

* posters who have common experiences or had close connections with other posters are not a clique.
The word is being freely bandied around as an insult*

So true Callistemon.

It’s funny that posters often say they are off out for lunch with their group of friends…so are they in a clique?!

Kandinsky Sun 21-Aug-22 13:16:48

I think the bereavement board is sufficient for general support on the loss of loved ones.
By definition - remembering loved ones can only be done by those who actually knew & remember the deceased.
Remembering, & wanting to talk about past gransnet members is different. Many people will remember the ‘online persona’, which could of course be very different to their real life personality. Plus people come & go all the time on here, so remembering past members ( as time goes on ) will only ever have meaning to a few.

As for cliques - not bothered at all.
People who spend a lot of time on here will make more connections than those of us who post less. There’s a few regular threads on here that will attract the same people everyday & that’s fine. I’m not interested in getting too familiar with anyone on here ( or anywhere online ) but I’m sure these friendship groups ( better than saying ‘cliques’ ) offer so much to many.

MerylStreep Sun 21-Aug-22 12:47:45

Ana was another very funny person ?

Callistemon21 Sun 21-Aug-22 12:42:35

MayBee70

I wish I knew what had happened to Ana. She just disappeared. Unlike jingle there was never any sort of update about her.

I miss Ana but I wonder if she was not very well, not sure.

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 21-Aug-22 11:58:01

I often wonder about trisher. I crossed swords with her a few times but would like to know she’s ok. It’s a shame that a thread asking about a poster isn’t usually allowed.