Hairdressers, and how to change them without hurting their feelings

My daughter is a hairdresser and has been for quite a few years.

I think you’ll find that hairdressers in general don’t really think a great deal about whether you change to another hairdresser or not. They are used to clients coming and going and probably wouldn’t even miss you unless they saw you again and thought that they have not seen you for awhile.

My daughter would have no hard feelings about losing a client unless of course the client had complained and wasn’t happy, and she hadn’t been able to please the client,that would upset her.

Clients come and go,that is the very nature of the business.

Calendargirl.
Just realised that my comment: "I think you are very sensitive..." sounds critical!! It's meant to say that I think you are thoughtful and kind to realise and point out how hard it is to deal with the Hair Dresser standing there with her Appointment Book! I do hope you didn't think I was being horrible to you! The opposite! You are very thoughtful!

I know this sounds mad but I developed a total phobia of hairdressers . They can be so intimidating and overpowering. I havent visited for years until recently.

This year my daughter took me to a lady that is train to deal with people who have had bad experiences. She is aslo train to deal with anxiety , ADHD and autism so on. She isnt as far as I know Sassoon trained but she listened and gave me a much need cut that that I so neeed. My confidence rocket and meant I wore my hair down for the first time in years.So to me worth more than Sassoon trained She was clam and not over bearing and didn’t bombard me with questions.
In the end of the day your hairdresser is just giving you a service that you pay for. If you brought your food from a shop that wasn’t meeting your expectations you would just go somewhere else. You wouldn’t feel the need to explain.

We live in a world of upgrading and switching. This is not personal she is not your friend you paid her and she didn’t meet your needs find someone that will.
I personally find it better to go to a solon rather than have a hairdresser in my home as it blurs the boundaries.

Plus it says in my long winded list of suggestions - "if the chest Hair Dresser". ???? Haven't a clue where that came from

pinkjj27 How lovely to know there are Hair Dressers trained to work with clients with anxiety or Autism or any other condition that makes the visit to the HD difficult for them! Thanks for telling us.

I was having my hair cut where I used to go and a clearly disabled boy of around 10 came in with his mother and sat next to me. To me he seemed Autistic - I used to work with Autistic people. The salon was busy. As soon as the scissors came near his head he began to scream. The other clients started their prim tutting. You know the type of person.

It wasn't long before the "If he was mine I'd soon .." and pronouncements to demonstrate their superior child raising flooded the room. I saw that the poor mother was coping very well. I imagined she had heard it all before. Knowing that if I, a stranger, tried to distract her son, it would make things worse, I sat there feeling terrible. Eventually I said something like, "It won't take very long, just hold on a minute and he will look very smart." As much to cheer myself up really as anything else.

It is so horrible that people are so quick to be judgmental and not understand the kind of anxiety that an Autistic person, for example, feels, especially when a stranger is snapping scissors round their head in what seems like a hostile environment with mirrors and hair driers. I felt so terribly sorry for him.

I totally understand how you feel, BUT you need to take control , don’t book another appointment, cancel one if you have booked one. Do not be talked into making one.
If you have to , just say outright that you have decided to treat yourself to a salon cut.

Do what I did. I said my daughter had won a hairdo at a salon in a raffle and had given it to me as a treat.

I actually had a similar experience. Mine was a bit of a gossip and I needed to sever the link as there were implications for my job. I got out of it as I got a voucher for a local salon for my birthday, cancelled her, went to the new salon and never went back to her. No regrets.

Make your next appointment, then text/phone to cancel it, saying you're in a the middle of an emergency, and will ring to re-book later. Then don't ring to re-book.
Should she ring you to remind you, say 'No thanks' or you've gone the local college to have your friend's daughter practise on your hair.
Hairdressers serve many functions for women, bullying isn't one of them.

For goodness sake - who is paying here - you are the customer - go elsewhere! It's not rocket science!

Just stop going! And why don't you try the salon at your local college of there is one? You can choose to have your hair done by an advanced apprentice, and have the benefit of the lecturer overseeing the cut/ colour whatever. The one I go to will have the apprentice go through a questionnaire about exactly what you want and the lecturer makes sure that is exactly what you do want. Plus it's much cheaper. They really love their customers and are grateful for the chance to actually style hair!

Tillybelle
I don’t know how common this is, I live in the South East and I have no idea if she is the only one My daughter found her by accident as she works for social services and she just stumbled across her.
I know her husband is a driving instructor and he has trained to work with people with driving phobias, mental health issues. learning difficulties and ADH . So I think more people are slowley catching on to the fact that not everyone is a social bunny that can just breeze through life.

Why feel the need to lie, or use avoiding tactics? You are free to use anyone you choose. It would do her good to be told why you won’t be using her again. She is probably losing other customers for the same reason.

Thanks to all for your comments and ideas. I know I'm a wimp, but I will put my big girls pants on, bite the bullet and woman up!

Yes do jellybean jean just say I can't make another appointment right now and then pick somewhere else to go. I have done this lots of times with moving and the stylists coming and going themselves. My latest girl has n social skills but she can cut hair so I forego much conversation with this one. Go for it.

As others are saying, it’s a business transaction, not Tindr!
You are the customer, you are paying, you do what you like.
I bet she would drop you without a qualm if she decided to move or change her business arrangements.
Just smile, and do it (or rather, don’t make another appointment)

I am rubbish with telling hairdressers that I am changing. Several years ago I finally got up enough courage to tell my hairdresser (It just never looked right) when my DS said before you next go to the hairdressers I should tell you I have met her and we are dating. Wow, my mind filled with snippets of all the conversations we had had..what did I say about anyone. Of course then I had to struggle on with her for another year until they split up (thank goodness).
I quickly changed hairdressers and very happily accepted the Junior stylist just starting out but soon she advanced to be a senior stylist, junior Director, Senior Director and finally 5 years later - the owner. With each promotion came a price change, I will have to look for another junior stylist now,lol

jellybeanjean, you are not being a wimp, this woman comes into your home which changes the dynamics of a business arrangement and I suspect she has used this to her advantage. There is no need to get yourself upset, its a service she provides that you no longer require. If she pushes for an explanation just say you fancy a change...end of, no need for anything else.
I have recently moved and went to a decent looking hairdressers with quite a good pedigree but whilst the first visit was OK I ended up feeling the cut could have been better. I have just booked an appointment somewhere else - that's all you have to do.

I've had this problem twice over the years (in different homes) and my excuse for not carrying on with a particular hairdresser was, " My niece who was a hairdresser, is coming to live nearby for some time and she will do my hair".
By the time my imaginary niece will have left I'm sure that I will have been long forgotten by my previous stylist>

jellybeanjean I just love the image of it! If only I could draw:
You - jelly bean girl
knowing she's a wimp but
putting on big girl's pants
biting the bullet
and
woman-ing up!

It's brilliant!!

Good luck - and as for everyone who has said words to the effect "you are the customer! For goodness sake! You are paying her! Just tell her". etc. just don't worry...

OK so it is just a customer/client and service provider situation and she is just working for you.... but the whole point is that she has a very bossy and overpowering presence and very few people are used to being cool and business-like with the hair-dresser, and just dismissing them or putting them in their place. There is definitely something unusual about the relationship we have with our Hairdresser.

I remember going to a pre performance talk before The Barber of Seville, by Jonathan Miller and Mark Elder. Jonathan Miller (who trained as a Neurologist) said that we have this strangely intimate relationship with the Hair-dresser because they come near us touching the ends of our hair and our head and looking at us a lot. This touching makes us trust them and we start to talk.... Hence The Barber of Seville was able to be the social organiser of the more intimate relationships in people's lives...

So if you find it hard to say "I do not want your services from henceforth woman. Your comments about my relationship with my husband displease me. You speak out of turn. You do not have the rank or social position to speak so rudely to me. Away with you Madam and do not darken my doors....." I think most people find it hard to say that. Or wtte.

So do not call yourself a "wimp". You are a normal person! Just don't make another appointment. Make up any old excuse that you feel easiest with using, or pretend you're in a great hurry...
Lots of luck!!! ?‍♀️??‍♂️

I never make appointments and had the same hairdresser for 10years but her salon has closed now. Was really local so I could always get a cut within 2days and she did a wet cut which suited me fine. Tried a new salon a few streets away and the cut was awful. Didn't even wash or damp the hair fringe was too long and very uneven and a piece of hair was left uncut at the back. I have a hairdresser niece but I couldn't complain if she did it wrong so I'm now looking for someone new.
OP just don't rebook it's a service and she sounds very overbearing. Plenty of others about. And go careful what you share about your personal life keep to small talk or current affairs
All the best

As green gran says, there is no reason why you shouldn't tell them why you no longer wish to use their services. After all, they may not realise how they annoyed you!

Tillybelle.
Thank you for your comments. I did not think you were being critical of my post at all.
I go to my hairdresser at her home, and know how I would feel if I wanted to leave which thankfully I don’t.

I think many people would find it hard to say
“. I do not want your services from henceforth woman. Your comments about my relationship with my husband displease me. You speak out of turn. You do not have the rank or social position to speak so rudely to me. Away with you Madam and do not darken my doors
Or even to remember half of it.
Just don’t make another appointment, make an excuse if you wish, smile and then find yourself another hairdresser

I've never really felt completely at ease at the hairdressers. It's supposed to be such a relaxing or even enjoyable experience. Hmm I'm not so sure and I don't think I'd want someone to come to my house. I do have a lovely hairdresser but only now go about every three months. In the past I have sometimes felt like being on a production line and then there is all the small talk business.