I hate flying

Have you considered the option that your husband suggests? Does lone travel make you nervous too? My husband for health reasons is no longer able to fly and I therefore fly to see my family abroad on my own. I felt perfectly safe.

You should have done what I did - I have ALWAYS refused to fly. My family are completely used to it and don't expect me to. The problem you made for yourself is showing the family that you can force yourself to do it. Now they expect you to go on being able to force yourself.

You need to pretend you've visited the doctor and he told you that your blood pressure needs watching and has advised you to avoid stress. They'll never know unless they have access to your medical records.

Also tell your husband "I have travelled with you your way <insert count here> number of times. Now it's only fair you travel with me my way <insert reasonable number> of times"

Do BA still do their ' overcome fear of flying' courses.

Some arlines provide overcoming fear of flying courses which are a day long, maybe that would help. I too hate it, that feeling of being out of control..........

I once flew home from Paris and sat next to a gorgeous young man and that seemed to take my mind off the ordeal. I wonder if I could pre book him?

Hypnosis is excellent for this sort of thing.

Every time I fly from Oz to Europe I laugh about paying such vast sums of money for the dubious pleasure of being strapped into a seat for 24-30 hours. Sheer madness! I also have to go though a relaxation process, (eg. stop gripping the arms of the seat so tightly) and do my deep breathing exercises. I then glue my eyes to the screen as a distraction and watch about 50 movies!! Unfortunately I can't read on planes, boats or trains; would if I could. But I do get there - eventually. If your fear of flying is insurmountable why not go by train and think of it as an adventure. I love long train journeys. You just have to sit and look out the windows admiring the views and have a bite to eat at regular intervals. What's not to like? Then meet up with your husband and family with lots of stories to tell. Just do your homework first so you have tickets, connections and overnight accommodation (if needed) all sorted and booked before you leave. Good planning really does reduce anxieties. Bon voyage.

I used to be terrified of flying and holidays were miserable as I hated the flight there then spent the holiday dreading the flight home. I did however want to travel so I did the " Flying with Confidence" course run by BA and it was fantastic. Not only did they explain the physics of flying but a psychologist gave some really helpful tips about what to do if panic starts to set in ( helpful in everyday life too). Don't know where you live but I did the course at Glasgow Airport. Good luck.

Let him fly and you take the longer route. It will be fascinating visiting a couple of cities, even if you are on your own.
Do you have a friend who could travel with you?
And when your DH sees you are adamant he may deign to accompany you.

You've admittedly flown hundreds of times, and are still here to tell the tale.
I am with your husband on this one, at least he is willing to compromise, your go via the train, your choice, he continues to fly.

Merlotgran have you ever thought of getting assistance for your husband when travelling. This is a free service. You still have to check in but then they will take him by wheelchair and/or electric buggy to the gate helping you through security etc. You will be able to go with him.

I ask it for my husband as he can't do the long walks to the gate at some airports. You also have the same service at your destination.

I feel that not being able to cope with the stress of the airport procedure is as debilitating as not being able to walk. Maybe something you would consider if you needed to take a flight,

You don't mention how far away your family lives, whether you can afford to go by train, or whether driving the whole way in your own car would be an option, or whether you could sail there, or by sailing to for instance Hoek van Holland taking the train the rest of the way would be an option?

As far as I can see, you can either go on flying even although you hate it and are becoming increasingly scared of it, or take the train on you own. After all, why should your husband be deprived of two or three days with the family because you are afraid of flying.

I do understand you feel hurt that he is not more supportive here, but many people do find it impossible to understand that someone who is afraid of something they are not afraid of can't just get over it.

By taking the train on your own, you will still be able to visit your family and not have to argue with your husband about it, I hope.

As some of the others suggest, your husband may be feeling hurt that you don't see his point of view here.

I was keen to fly at any opportunity until coming back from one holiday a few years ago. Out of my window I saw a military jet (miles away presumably) but that set off an irrational anxiety in me. ie What if it shoots us down?

Since then I am less keen to fly. I haven't mentioned it to anyone because I know it is stupid.

There are days that you can go on with people who are scared of flying when you are talked through what happens on a flight and then you actually go on a short one with people supporting you. Would you consider trying it?

There are days that you can go on with people who are scared of flying when you are talked through what happens on a flight and then you actually go on a short one with people supporting you. Would you consider trying it?

There are days that you can go on with people who are scared of flying when you are talked through what happens on a flight and then you actually go on a short one with people supporting you. Would you consider trying it?

I used to fly frequently, and actually loved it. Now I won't fly at all - it's not the fear of flying so much as the airport stuff and the dreadful claustrophobia I feel once on board. Just the idea of being squashed into a small space, facing the back of another seat........gives me the horrors just thinking about it now.

Luckily my DH feels the same, and we holiday in the UK or we cruise from the UK. If he felt differently, I suppose we'd each have to compromise every other year.

The OP and her OH need to sit and talk about the situation calmly, and perhaps they can come up with a solution......such as the one her OH suggested!

I hate sitting in an airport for hours before a flight, anticipating flying for me is worse than actually flying!

If you really can't face flying then you can choose to go by the long land route but I don't see why you think your husband should be coerced to accompany you. My guess is, if you did it once, you'd soon be back on a plane next time as it's so much more convenient.

Ha ha ! I have the very opposite problem ...love flying, love airports, love holidays .......no money and a husband who cannot be left Last holiday 10 years ago .......

Good suggestions on here ....I was thinking the same about the 'fear of flying' course that some companies run ...you could Google it perhaps ? I also love long train journeys ..and if your family live in Europe, there are loads of fast trains connecting the UK and most European cities ...OR ..what about something like Leger Travel or another coach holiday company They are quite cheap ...and you can use them just to get to your destination and then just say you will see them on the way back ...no need to go anywhere during the week with them ! and there is also the National Express Eurolines service that covers most European cities as well ...you can connect with it at London Victoria, or maybe some other town (not sure, I have always in the past used Victoria) ...it is more like a student thing, and SO cheap ...AND you have the added security of not travelling alone ....except maybe to reach your final destination if its not one of their scheduled stops ! It can be done .....please don't let it stop you going ! Ah I wish !...You can look up all these options on line ....there is another UK coach co that does holidays ...it is always advertising, but at the moment the name escapes me ......good luck

I know what you are going through, jeanie. My fear of travelling by car is getting worse and I just don't know if I can carry on going on long car journeys. Even short ones are a source of anxiety, I worry about them for days in advance. I feel unsafe all the time, and those statistics that point out that it is far safer to travel by plane than car do NOT work in my favour. I tried to learn to drive in my younger days but was very scared however many lessons I had and never passed my test.

I can see both sides. I think that you should do as he suggests. Go with a friend if you can but otherwise try to see it as a bit of an adventure.
It would be nicer for you if he could be supportive but it can be difficult if you can't put yourself in the other person's shoes and I think we are all a bit guilty of that sometimes.

jeannie99 - maybe I've missed this but I don't find any mention of where exactly your son lives - the fact that your hubby says you can take the train yourself suggests it might be relatively close (France or at least using France as the gateway). There are lots of questions to be asked in this respect as travelling by train in Europe can be anything but straightforward if you don't speak the language. Last summer for example, hubby and myself and daughter's-in-laws travelled by train to the south of France to join daughter and son-in-law and GCs for a special birthday. Despite all seats being booked in advance the return journey was a nightmare as a fire on the line created 4 hour delays on all trains - all four of us speak reasonable French but negotiating the pandemonium was not easy and whilst we did this I would have hated to have been alone as we all pulled on the collective support we gave each other. As it was we missed our connection at Paris and ended up in long queues, so long that we didn't even have time to board the next Eurostar - it was a bureaucratic hell. So what I am saying to you is that the train isn't always a good option to flying and should you decide to do that you may end up with the same emotional trauma as you feel when stepping on a plane. You will miss out if you don't overcome this fear - try some CBT - list all the pros and minimise the cons - your hubby may have his own fears about his capacity to manage the train(s) - does he speak the language(s) he may need, could he cope in an emergency, do you think he feels that the train journey would expose him to his own weaknesses?

Easy jet do an online course with a free booklet to down load.
fearlessflyer.easyjet.com/

Nearly every airport there is a company doing a course such as BA or Virgin
British Airways Flying with Confidence course. This tailored one day course can help you fight your fear of flying. The course is run by British Airways pilots and crew, supported by a clinical psychologist. It also includes a short flight at the end of the day so you can practice everything you've learned.

Hypnosis can help and go to your GP again. Modern medication can be better. You should try the regime you decide on before you actually go on holiday so that you know what medication works for you.

Hope you are successful in finding a way forward.

Some airlines, BA do it, run courses for people who are scared of flying and I understand these are very good.

Hypnotherapy is probably way to go. In an earlier thread I mentioned my friend who is a therapist. I referred a friend of mine who had booked a flight to New Zealand to see her son and was terrified. she saw my friend and was absolutely fine flying after that. If you live in the South East of England then PM me and I will let you have her contacts.