I hate flying

I have only flown once but it is not the fear of flying (I loved it) but the hours spent in the Airport, hanging around that I can't bear.

I travel to see DM twice a year, I drive on my own (no choice I'm a Widow), almost 300 miles each way & I hate Motorways. Just have to be relaxed & stop when necessary.

I love travelling by Train, my preferred option would be to go by Train, lovely to see the countryside as you go through different countries (or counties in UK), I find it much more relaxing.

I'd go by train and stop over in one or two beautiful continental cities on the way. Then gush enthusiastically about how wonderful your trip was and that you are looking forward to doing it again next time. You might really enjoy yourself.

Somebody said "why should he have to change his travel plans to suit you"? Personally, I think it's rather mean of him. If my partner was terrified of flying and there was an alternative, I'm fairly sure I would want to accompany him on the journey rather than travel separately. From what the OP has said, she has flown in the past and has been terrified and she feels she cannot cope with any more anxiety. Why can't he adjust his own travel plans for a change - surely that would be the kind thing to do?

my mother hated flying and used to take tranquilisers, which the dr. used to prescribe for her - seemed to do the trick! I do sympathise though, I never feel comfortable on a flight.

I live on an island and consequently it’s a necessity for people here if we want to travel ( boats are not always an option) several people do use hypnosis.
A friend of mine used to be terrified of flying until she tried this and is now gets excited by the sound of a plane, and always looks forward to her next trip!

You are the voice of reason on here Eglantine21 I always admire your reasoned comments.

I also hate flying, fortunately I rarely have to, but I am frightened the whole time, I know it’s safer than driving but it’s also the fear of heights, and nowadays it isn’t just accidents it’s some lunatic deciding to blow it up!

Thankfully we love holidays on the Isle of Wight, I can swim but I can’t fly is how I see it.

Merlotgran.
Airports, not the flying part, is what now prevents me from visiting my overseas family.
Take off was always exhilarating and I wanted to say, Can we do it again?. I loved flying and could never get enough.
If I had a good book,watch a film, maybe sleep during long haul no problem but several hours in an airport, prior to, became my biggest turn off.. Queue for this, queue for that, finding a seat to sit and drink a coffee only to find it cold when you did manage to find one. Irritating and perhaps to some they are silly things but for me I am now at the ' can't be doing with this' stage .
Does this come with age?

My daughter became scared of flying after a particularly turbulent flight 12 years ago, vowed she’d never fly again. Then her brother moved abroad, and we persuaded her that our DGC needed to see where their uncle lived! She had hypnosis, and she was still a bit scared, but we all went together and she did it. It was the first flight for the DGC and they loved it! Hopefully we’ll all go again later this year.

I hate it too so l really sympathise. It's more about being shut in l think as l'm really claustrophobic. Don't mind the take off or the landing. It's when they start telling you how many hundred feet off the ground you are! But l think your problem is more about your husband's attitude. Stick to your guns though and don't let him make you feel guilty about it. It would be a different story if it was the other way around.

For many years I was terrified of flying, waiting for take-off my knees would shake uncontrollably, my teeth clatter and I would grip DH’s hand tightly. About 15yrs ago on a flight I inadvertently dug my (longish) nails into DH’s hand, he shouted at me in front of everyone and I was mortified. I swore from that moment I would never let him ever see me showing fear in a plane again and I haven’t. I’ve flown several times a year since then with no problems.

Jeannie99 - it’s a dilemma. I’ve read the comments with great interest. It seems to me that many people really cannot understand what it’s like to have a phobia or a real fear of flying. It reminds me of people telling others with addictions to “just give up” or to people with mental health issues or depression to “just pull yourself together”
It appears that you’ve had a longstanding problem which you’ve tried to overcome by putting yourself through the process. You have been the one “compromising” all your life. You’ve got to the stage where the problem is escalating or maybe your tolerance is decreasing.
I think some posters have suggested really good ideas. The courses and the hypnotherapy sound like good options.
Not sure about the solo rail travelling if you haven’t done that before.
I do agree that your husband should try to understand your feelings and show more support. He appears to be unwilling to compromise by trying your way, even though you have been compromising for years by going his preferred way.
The rail trip together sounds great.
What about trying the rail trip together but if it isn’t a success, you agreeing to seek other help?

I'm the same. Do beta blockers work?

I don’t have any of these fears and fly fairly regularly often on my own but I do have other anxieties so understand where you are coming from but in my experience you hav3 to go through your fear especially if there’s a ‘treat’ at the other end
I would think because you’ve always flown and say you have travelled extensively over the years your husband is not really taking this very seriously He may just not understand where this is coming from I would say swallow your fears and fly,as travelling alone with luggage in a train across (Europe I m guessing) would surely be much more stressful, well it would for me

Zero fatalities from commercial flying last year.
June 2016 -June 2017: 1,710 UK road fatalities and 176,500 casualties of all severities.

That said, if you don't like flying and you don't have to fly, why put yourself through it?

I understand that air is a tangible substance that supports aircraft in the air but I do get a temporary adrenalin surge if the plane encounters turbulence. I reckon most people feel the same. There's a thread somewhere on here about hypnotherapy that might be something to try before giving up completely.

I have gone off flying big time and don’t think I can get on a plane ever again, but my son is going to Australia next week for a year or so with his girlfriend. What If they don’t come back!! I’ll have to be drugged up and stuffed into the hold. I just hope they come back as they plan to

i hate flying,prefer boat,train or car/good thing i live where there are lots of places i can travel to by land

I have only flown once about 25 years ago and I should have continued but as the years went on my fear grew and grew up to the point where now there is not enough money in the world that would make me go on a plane. My partner (civil partner) and I either drive, (2016 we drove to South of France) or we take the train or we cruise. In this way I've been to places I never dreamt I would go to. Have been to St Petersburg, many places in Europe, Scandinavia and America and Canada, using boat then train and hire car. Whilst I am very aware that we are lucky to be able to afford the extra cost of some of these trips (flying is often much cheaper) nothing is impossible with a little planning.

Have you tried EFT (Tapping) works for a lot of people? Or a fear of flying course? Sorted my son's partner out. There is also Rescue Remedy which does work. Good luck. I do hope you manage to sort out your fear, as life is too short not to be able to go and visit people you love.

I had a friend whose daughter lived in the Far East, and she was terrified of flying - started to worry weeks ahead, and drank too much at the airport and then sat rigid on the plane. She learnt to notice the way her thoughts were terrifying her - her irrational thoughts which had become habitual - and she just started noticing them, paying attention, and countering them with challenges to how true they were. She then added realistic thoughts instead, about everything she did probably included some risk, but flying was as safe as going for a walk or driving her car - probably more so. She told me that she noticed herself starting to think the fearful thoughts long before the flight, challenged them kindly - its no good to blame yourself - the fearful part of you believes these thoughts are helpful in keeping you safe - but is simply wrong. She kept is up, created new patterns of thinking and told me that she was relaxed on her next flight - no alcohol, no terror and she cheerfully walked up and down the aisle of the plane on the route. If this matters to you, you might ask your doctor to refer you for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - known as CBT - which helps you change unhelpful mental habits.

I absolutely loathe flying, have since a flight I was on was hit by wind sheer and we dropped several thousand feet before the pilot regained control. My children and grandchildren live in the USA and I have to force myself onto the plane every time I go to see them. They're settled and happy in America, I miss them terribly and pray every day they'll all decide to move back to Britain.

My husband has Asperger's - he hates driving, hates being the passenger if I volunteer to do all the driving when we go South to visit friends in Devon. We live in NE Scotland so it is a rather long drive through some difficult traffic areas (wowsa is Edinburgh, Glasgow, Manchester, and Birmingham traffic a nightmare, or what?!) but I love driving and have taken the recommended safe driver course (for older drivers, check the DVLA pages online, wonderful course!). But he hates being the passenger in a motor no matter who is driving. We're coming up on our 7th wedding anniversary - it took us three years to work out how why he pushed for flights down instead of the train or driving, and made me feel so unreasonable for not wanting to fly.

After a 'lightbulb moment' discussion, we've worked out it's best for him to fly - he enjoys an extra day with his fishing mate, and I enjoy the leisurely two-day drive down. I take back roads to avoid the motorway traffic and stop overnight at a mid-way located school friend for a lovely overnight gab-fest. We now both enjoy our journeys, and the time with our Devon friends. Win-win.

Jeannie99, find out why he's not supporting your feelings in this, he may have a similar loathing of trains and motors to your loathing of flying. If he does, it seems a no-brainer for you both to travel in your preferred manner. If you don't feel happy to travel alone, you might find someone you're happy to travel with to share the journey - or you might give a long day trip alone a trial go, somewhere that requires a 2 or so hour one-way journey to arrive to. You might discover you actually rather enjoy taking a trip on your own and is more fun than you'd thought.

I finish every airport trip saying "Never again!" but it is just so much quicker & cheaper than anything else! I take Diazepam starting the night before a journey to get me through it all (though some GPs treat you as though you're asking for crack cocaine nowadays) Anyone else remember the bad old days when half the women on the estate lived on the stuff & doctors practically wrote the prescription as you walked through the door?

I had a friend who had CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) for fear of flying and that worked well.

Please download a book called 'Flying with confidence' by Steve Allright. I was a total nightmare, friends wouldn't fly with me because I panicked so , but this book really , really helped. Good luck,

It's interesting that so many people say it's not flying as such but the whole thing of airports, waiting, being squashed into inadequate space etc. I agree with all that. We drive and use ferries. We've been as far afield as Shetland, Stornoway, the Isle of Mull. In the other direction, as far as Austria, Switzerland, France and Germany. DH is more comfortable in the driving seat, standing and walking are difficult for him. We plan it all ahead, plan where to stay (need walk-in shower etc) and don't travel more than say 200 miles in a day. We've been to the US and Canada but not recently, flew all over. Our last flying holiday was to Alicante. A mile from the aircraft to baggage retrieval. This is the kind of thing we have problems with.

My step-granddaughter has just got home after a year in Florida, where she qualified as a commercial helicopter pilot.