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DH doesn't want to take holiday

(50 Posts)
overthehill Mon 11-Feb-19 15:07:18

I love my DH and he has many virtues. However, when it comes to taking a holiday abroad each year he doesn't want to go.

We do go as I push for it and he finally agrees. He doesn't like flying anymore so we've been on a couple of cruises and rail trips to Spain.

His initial reaction is always "I don't want to go". I do point out it's not all about him, but he manages to make me feel guilty for suggesting such a thing. When he gets there he always enjoys it.

Basically he's a tight wad and hates spending the money. We can afford it but he thinks it a waste of money.

We do have a caravan and go away a lot in that and he's happy to go on coach trips in the UK but I do like one week abroad a year.

Anyone else have the same experience?

NanKate Sun 17-Feb-19 08:51:05

Overthehill have you thought of going on the Eurostar to Paris, Amsterdam etc. ? You would get the feeling of being abroad and your DH won’t have to fly.

Otherwise arrange to go abroad with a friend. You only have one life.

glammanana Sun 17-Feb-19 10:05:12

My OH enjoys going away either abroad or UK he always leaves the destination to me he is in charge of booking transport and getting luggage checked in.
I also go twice a year abroad with my DD in May we are off to our favourite hotel in Majorca and we in the process of picking somewhere to go in Sept/Oct,we only go for a week and enjoy our company together.

annep1 Sun 17-Feb-19 10:15:22

I do envy all you Gransnetters who travel several times a year. I'm excited just reading about it. I get lots of travel brochures delivered and dream...
As one person said, do it while you can.

Floradora9 Sun 17-Feb-19 10:58:28

So many people tell Overthehill to leave her husband at home but probably like myself she only wants to go away with him. I would rather stay at home than go by myself or with a friend and really do not have a freind who could come with me.

annep1 Sun 17-Feb-19 13:10:54

I agree Floradora. It's not the same going with someone else. And going alone - what if you're ill? And should he consider what she needs? Hmm... its not easy giving advice. 😕

RosieLeah Sun 17-Feb-19 13:26:00

I think it's very selfish to persuade your husband to travel abroad just to suit you. You should take separate holidays, each doing what suits you best. I could never enjoy a holiday if I felt that my companion had only come because I forced him to.

Cabbie21 Sun 17-Feb-19 14:27:28

I have sadly had to give up trying to persuade my husband to go abroad or indeed to do anything other than stay in a self catering cottage, which I have to choose to fit his health requirements.
So I have to ensure sufficient headroom so he can sleep sitting up, a good high backed chair, all on one level, or proper stairs( not spiral or open tread), level access to the loo in the night and so on.
Then I try to find somewhere where I can walk to the shops or beach myself, as he only likes to be out between 10 and 4. I hate being somewhere too remote.
He might agree to eat out a couple of times but mostly I have to cook.
We make the best of it, and have been to some lovely places, but it is hard to plan and somewhat restricting. But if I don’t get it right for him, the holiday is ruined.
Sometimes it does seem selfish, but .....
One of these days I will go away on my own as I have nobody else to go with, but I feel daunted at arranging it.

Oldandverygrey Sun 17-Feb-19 14:39:30

Neither of us seem all that bothered by holidays these days, we enjoy being at home and enjoying the garden.

annep1 Sun 17-Feb-19 18:06:44

But I wonder is a husband being selfish in not going abroad? If the wife goes on holiday with him in the UK she's expected to be happy although it's not what she wants. Just a thought.

overthehill Mon 18-Feb-19 23:25:09

Thanks for all the comments. I'm quite taken aback that some people think I'm selfish making him go. I'm talking about one week a year that's all. He's quite happy once he's there
He doesn't like flying so we don't fly anymore.

He is lovely we get on very well but he would be happy if he never left the house, but I'd be climbing the walls. Therefore we do go away because I instigate it.

annep1 Mon 18-Feb-19 23:30:15

Mine enjoys it too when he arrives Overthehill. Maybe its a man thing.

NanKate Tue 19-Feb-19 07:55:52

I don’t think you are selfish Overthehill. You have said you understand about his wish not to go abroad. Would it be your thing to find a weekend break for you on a topic you would like to study with likeminded people? It would definitely give you a break from home.

As you appear to have a good marriage what don’t you sit down with your DH and chat through all the options including a solo hols and come to some sort of agreement ?

Finally some years ago we needed a break and decided we would have one from home, so we visited places of interest for the day, had meals out including breakfast. It was an unusual and different few days out. It gave us a break from the usual routine.

overthehill Tue 19-Feb-19 13:56:11

Nankate thank you. We have a caravan and go away...a lot in the good weather. I just like a week abroad just for a change and to be waited on of course.

DIL17 Tue 19-Feb-19 14:13:00

Why don't you go alone or with a friend?

Grammaretto Tue 19-Feb-19 17:05:22

I don't get why some people go away so often. It's as though they are really fed up at home.
They seem to be always planning the next one.
Is it a status thing? You know, 3 holidays a year or you aren't successful. Seriously I am not envious but in these days of environmental worries why are so many still flying all over the place?
#grumpy old woman

annep1 Tue 19-Feb-19 22:55:11

I don't think it's a status thing at all. For me it's enjoying warm sun - don't get much here in Northern Ireland- visiting favourite places, (Loire Valley, Malaga) and new places. It's so relaxing and something to look forward to.

NanKate Wed 20-Feb-19 07:43:25

I had forgotten Overthehill about your caravan. I can understand why you want to be waited upon. The trouble with self catering is that mostly, not always, the woman is doing all the bloomin’ food prep, cooking etc. it’s not a break at all.

ginny Wed 20-Feb-19 07:48:02

No Gramarretto, nothing to do with status. My DH and I enjoy holidays abroad and around Britain because we have an interest in geography and enjoy finding out about different cultures and experiences. We have no problem without home life .

ginny Wed 20-Feb-19 07:48:41

That should say ‘with’ our homelife

B9exchange Tue 26-Feb-19 14:12:21

I live for the chance to go somewhere new and learn about other ways of life. Once home, I need to have something to look forward to. DH is beginning to jib at going longhaul, but more because he is concerned about spending our savings. He would never organise a holiday, worries about the expense (as do I up to a point!) and lets me get on with it. He is dreadful for the 24 hours before departure, really stressed, and only calms down once we are actually seated on the plane. But he does love it when we get there, and fortunately we enjoy exploring the same sort of things.

tiffaney Sun 31-Mar-19 11:17:14

We are the odd ones out in our family as sil (who is disabled) and her husband go abroad at least every 2 months, and bil and his partner the same. We dont go abroad any more and DH leaves all the researching, planning and packing to me, the only thing he does is drive us there. But we only go maximum of twice a year and if it wasnt for me we wouldnt go at all. I think its all about give and take and if one wants to go abroad and the other doesnt, then go with a friend and dont feel guilty.

EllanVannin Sun 31-Mar-19 12:24:33

I was always the one flying hither and thither on holiday, mainly with my dear friend, apart from the Oz trips which I did on my own as husband wouldn't fly anyway. It wasn't going to and didn't stop me from taking off where and when. Because he wasn't bothered about going away he didn't mind me going and the rest of the family mucked in with him as regards meals. I had it easy really.

After years of holidaying I'm now only too happy to stay put as I could no longer do some of those lengthy trips any more apart from perhaps Jersey or the IOM, both only being an hour and less away, flying time. Costs me more for the cats !
Age UK insurance have been good in the past too.

craftyone Sun 31-Mar-19 12:30:10

I don`t like holidays tbh, I took my one and only cruise soon after husband died. Cost me several £k and I bought back the most awful chesty cough. Any holiday and I am looking forward to my own bed. If I want a total break then I take days out and eat meals out and pamper myself

craftyone Sun 31-Mar-19 12:31:37

also it depends where you live, I live in holiday countryside. No need to escape from here