Long Lost Families

My own cousin is adopted. She had a loving home, and she and I are very close as she is with her maternal cousins.
She decided to trace her birth mother and found out that she had two half sisters, both half to each other. Mother did meet her but wasn't interested in a relationship. However GF who had been instrumental in her being given up for adoption had obviously regretted what he did and was very welcoming and kept up regular contact until he died.
Following in mothers path youngest half sister has no contact at all but middle one is now one of her best friends.
A neighbour, whose family found him, was swamped by his newly found family and had to gradually cut down contact to a minimum as they wanted too much from him emotionally.

I think its quite clear that millions of people want to know where they came fromwith the massive rise in genealogy websites,everyone wants to know their "roots" how much harder for people who dont even have immediate blood family.The most heartbreaking account of this I've heard is a song by Mary Gaulthier called Foundling...in fact theres awhole album of songs but the title song describes how she grew up with nobodies face and nobodies name.Sadly Mary found her birth mother and telephoned her only to be told she couldn't speak to her or meet her as her "family" knew nothing about the baby she had left on a doorstep and she wanted to keep it that way

You only have to watch Who do you think you are? to see how people are fascinated by their family history. There are skeletons in the cupboard, including my own, but I love working on my family tree and learning about their lives.
It's amazing what you can find out, it's all online now. Anyone can do it, unless you don't know where you come from or where your roots are.
But, as Paddyann tells us, the birth mother could reject you (how cruel) that is devastating,

I only watched this today on catch up and am intrigued by the " hint of Asian Heritage"
As a child the woman had dark hair but as an adult she was fairskinned and dark blonde, and she never referred to it again. most intriguing.

Her hair looked like it had been lightened, and her complexion was pale olive. You could see her dark hair, darker skin and dark eyes more markedly in the photos they showed.

the younger sister had similar colouring though so it could have been from their mother

I think that in some countries birth parents are allowed to keep some contact with their children after adoption.

I may be wrong, but I think that a birth parent keeping in touch with their child who has been adopted does happen in this country too in some circumstances.

Yes you are correct, it is called open adoption & is the child who decides each & every time the birth mother requests a visit .

I have just watched the latest Long Lost Family and, as always, cried throughout it! They were both wonderful stories because of the happy endings - except it's such a shame that the lady who met her two sisters just missed meeting her mum.
It's a great programme, handled so well by Davina and Nicky.
Well Done to all concerned with the making of it!!

danni I don't want to burst your bubble but these meetings are not endings, they are the beginnings of new chapters and may or may not end up happy.

My natural father was killed before was born (WW11), and my mother severed all contact with his family. She married again to a lovely chap, my much loved stepfather. Over the years I hardly gave my paternal family a seconds thought, but after my parents died, I found that I was suddenly wanting to know who my paternal family were, where they came from and so on. It was like an incredible journey of discovery, during which I managed to make contact with a much younger second cousin who sent photos of long dead grandparents, and information about family members generally including four first cousins I did vaguely wonder if anyone would express a desire to meet me, and feeling slightly hurt when they clearly didn't!! Now two years along the line, I think it was probably a good thing, it was all so long ago, probably acrimonious, and perhaps best left.

That's another story mcem - the programme gives people the opportunity to have a happy ending - it's up to them to make it so....................
So all things being considered "my bubble remains intact!"

You didn't say it was "an opportunity".
The programme presents a "happy ending" and the bulk of the audience optimistically or naively accepts it as such.
Inevitably the real family who adopted are sidelined and ignored but if/when there is a breakdown in the newly-found relationship, who'll be around to pick up the pieces?
In my immediate experience half of the adopted children did not choose to seek the birth family. One was told in no uncertain terms that they didn't want to know. Two ended up in touch but not close (but with a good relationship with a sibling.)
Real experience tends to make one a little sceptical about the rather contrived and very public "happy endings" .

I think for most adults it is a fundamental instinct to want to know the very basics of our beginnings.An adopted person who seeks out their birth family already knows that it can go either way & that they may be setting themselves up for some disappointment at a later stage, but they will forever know their own truth & for most this in the long term is the most important aspect even if at a later stage the relationship dwindles away ( as can also happen in every other type of family ,separated, divoreced etc ,etc)

I agree, it is a fundamental instinct to know where you came from and who your family are. As I have no siblings at all, I had perhaps naively hoped to find some family, but after initial slight disappointment once it became clear that I wasn't going to, I was happy enough with the information that I had gleaned, and to let sleeping dogs etc!

I'm sorry to hear that nigglynellie, but pleased to know that you have resigned yourself to your circumstances. I often refer to the saying ' walk a mile in my shoes, before you criticise & abuse' as I reminder that not everyone is fortunate enough to have a really good & happy childhood. A therapist I knew use to call those of us who were reasonably ok ' The wobbly wells' which I quite liked '

I enjoy this programme so much.

I have mentioned before my father was illegitimate and whilst he always found a loss in his life he had a happy childhood with his grandmother and aunts and uncles who cherished him. He met his mother when his own family arrived.

There was an occasion when we received a very lengthy family tree document from a t.v programme maker and it made me cry to see the word 'illegitimate' against my dads name .

It did make me laugh however when an aunt told me once when I asked if she knew who my grandfather is 'Well the Canadian Army were based here"

Brilliant last sentence Pogs, yes I have heard from the older generation that there were a lot of American soldiers based in our area & a lot of (previously unheard of ) silk stockings being given as presents , & later on a few ladies left with rapidly expanding waistlines!!

When I was 12years old my mother gave birth to a baby boy. She breastfeed him and gave him care until he was 6 weeks old. There was an atmosphere in the house and everyone seemed to tip toe around mother and the baby.
When he was 6 weeks old my mother got the baby dressed and ready to take him out, I don't know why but I walked with her to the bus stop and she let me carry the baby. She then took the baby onto the bus and I stood crying as the bus left.
I don't know how I knew but I never saw my baby brother again.
Over the years we were not allowed to ask about the baby and we all played the game of believing that there never was a baby.
It wasent until my father died that I spoke to my mother and asked her what had happened to him, and she again denied any knowledge of him.
It affected me greatly throughout my life and I never forgave my mother.
I have tried looking for him but have never managed to get off the starting block.
So I have a brother somewhere out there not knowing that he has a whole load of brothers and sisters who would love to meet him.
So so sad.

Oh Nell, that is so terrible for you, how could she not tell you the truth even at the end? I can see how it would affect your relationship with your parents, you can't just forget a baby brother.

How about contacting one of the experts they use, to get help tracing the baby? I have no idea how much it costs, they might find him really easily? May be worth just getting a quote? Best wishes.

Everything Seacliff says Nellgwin, so very sad for you.

Hello nellgwin - that is such a sad story. Why don't you contact "Long Lost Family"? Maybe they will find your brother for you. (Just google the programme) x

I wrote to the Salvation army, as for some reason we thought she had had the baby at the mother and baby hospital in Clapham London. I have all the details as I remembered them, year of birth, mother's name but I never received any thing back from them. I will try the link to the programme, you never know! Thanks for your help

Many years ago, when I was a student nurse, we had a male charge nurse. He and his wife had problems conceiving and eventually adopted a child. As often happens, his wife then became pregnant.
He came in to work one day saying that he had caught his two daughters squabbling. He was alarmed when he heard his natural child telling the other that she was the "proper" daughter. The adopted daughter responded saying, " But, they chose me. They had no choice with you: they had to put up with what they got when you were born!"
I am pleased to say that their relationship with each other improved as they grew.