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Long Lost Family

(35 Posts)
Avor2 Mon 17-Jun-19 22:42:23

I have no more tears to shed, I am drained.

grannyqueenie Mon 17-Jun-19 22:50:56

Haven’t watched any of this new series but in the past have wondered why I put myself through it!

BlueBelle Mon 17-Jun-19 22:57:16

Yes very sad I always cry throughout it
I m afraid I couldn’t find any sympathy for the mother who left her daughter with her own mother, then had another child who she gave up for adoption then buggered off to US to start a new life The two children were delighted to meet her and I m glad it worked out but I think she was a lucky lady to have them wanting to know her

Lilypops Mon 17-Jun-19 23:03:26

Bluebell, I had exactly the same thoughts as you , I said to my DH how could she have gone off to America leaving her children for her own selfishness, The children were delighted to meet her and even thanked her for the opportunity for having a good life with their adoptive family , I thought she was very false, maybe she was hoping to be looked after in her old age by them , or am I being cynical ,

Daisymae Tue 18-Jun-19 08:39:45

I have stopped watching, I started to feel that it was manipulated to extract maximum emotion.

DillytheGardener Tue 18-Jun-19 08:47:29

I agree ladies. I watched last night and was very very glad the sister and brother had found each other but, couldn’t for the life of me understand why the mother did what she did. Separating siblings as well, heartbreaking. I can understand why they reached out to their mother, the need to know who your biological parents are is very strong, but I think the mother’s behaviour was unforgivable. Her daughter was living with her mum (child’s gran) the whole time, why did she not keep in touch?!
Seems to me like the the Mother’s new fancy man didn’t want kids in the picture.
The second story made me weep. Also broke my heart that the Catholic Church was so awful to her but she still kept her faith after their treatment of her, I don’t understand that at all.

sodapop Tue 18-Jun-19 08:56:47

I agree Daisymae a manipulated load of old hooey.

Many years ago I cared for a young lady with Downs Syndrome. Her parents had emigrated to Australia with her siblings. They came back several years later to visit their daughter and were quite vocal in their complaints that she didn't recognise them. Grrrr

mosaicwarts Tue 18-Jun-19 09:02:08

I cried a lot last night too - and agree that the mother who went to the US was very lucky her children wanted to see her.

I feel so for the unmarried mothers of the past being so abused, my Irish grandmother was so lucky to have met my grandfather just in time, my Dad was born seven months after their marriage in 1932.

Missfoodlove Tue 18-Jun-19 09:34:12

I went through he real life version!
My husband and his birth mother were the first mother and child to be reunited after the law change in 2005/6.
It was an interesting experience to say the least!

Grammaretto Tue 18-Jun-19 11:02:32

My adopted nephews, both adults, have recently met their birth mothers. I think they found the experience worthwhile but are not keeping up any contact. One met a half sibling in the process who's on facebook.

I have only once watched the TV programme and found it terribly sad. Is it still Nicky Campbell?
I read his autobiography which is extraordinary.

DanniRae Tue 18-Jun-19 12:18:22

I watched last night's programme and felt exactly the same about the woman who left her daughter with her granny to swan off to America with her new man.......having had another child adopted. I won't say what I was calling her as I realised what had gone wasn't polite I can assure you.
Can anyone explain why I love this programme even though I sob throughout it?

Tweedle24 Tue 18-Jun-19 12:30:30

My father once told me that when he asked his mother if she had enjoyed a particular film, she said, ‘It was lovely. I cried all the way through.”.

annep1 Tue 18-Jun-19 19:02:22

I caught this programme by accident. I cried for the lady who had been in a home run by nuns. Poor poor lady. Heartbreaking. I cried for all those people who had to give up their children and for the sad world that society had created leaving mothers to live their whole life coping with the dreadful loss. My heart goes out to them all. I don't think I would have the strength to watch this every week.

Anniebach Tue 18-Jun-19 19:54:16

We can’t condemn , it was how it was then. A single mother
couldn’t look after a baby and work, if their parents wouldn’t support then what else was there. The Salvation Army had mother and baby homes too, at least there was shelter and midwives to deliver the baby,

sharon103 Tue 18-Jun-19 20:05:54

I love this programme. I think I have watched it since the very first series. Last night was the first time I thought the mum who went off to America didn't look really bothered. There wasn't any emotion shown by her.

annep1 Tue 18-Jun-19 21:20:01

Anniebach it's good that there were homes although as we know the homes weren't all good and women were treated very badly in some. But I don't think it's wrong to condemn a society that couldn't be more compassionate to unmarried mothers. To have to give up your child must have been unimaginably painful.

BlueBelle Tue 18-Jun-19 21:38:13

Anniebach I respect you for defending the catholic religion but they were often awful, cruel and uncaring in the way those babies were taken from young single mums have you read or watched Philomena, it was so cruel I ve never read anything about the Sally Army being cruel but a lot about the nuns especially in Ireland
I went to school with nuns and they were lovely so I m not anti nun or anti catholic but the treatment, even for those times was wrong

annep1 Tue 18-Jun-19 21:46:05

I'm just glad that nowadays there are benefits to help (and I know the system isn't perfect) and that unmarried mothers aren't treated like social pariahs.

MawBroonsback Tue 18-Jun-19 21:50:12

My half brother was adopted as a baby as the man his birth mother had married (presumably for security) had refused to bring another man’s baby. We only “found” each other 5 years ago but apparently the resemblance is striking!
My own father never knew about the baby I believe, the result of a wartime romance in London shortly before he was posted abroad,. And he and my mother didn’t meet until 6 years later at the end of the war.
Unlike some of the people on TV we felt no particular “connection” when we first met as we had no shared experiences, but I have grown very fond of him since.

Avor2 Tue 18-Jun-19 21:51:08

I must say I am obsessed - it must be so hard to give up a child but back in the day life was so different. I remember when I was in hospital after having my DS 45 years ago there was a lovely girl who was 16 and just had her baby, she was unmarried but had a really lovely boyfriend who wanted to keep the baby with her BUT the authorities thought better of it and took the baby away. It was one of the most distressing things I have seen the day they came for the baby. Their hearts were broken. I often wonder how things worked out for her.

Yes the little Irish lady was beautiful, I was so happy she found her daughter , whereas the other woman in America I found her a bit odd, but glad that her son found his half sister and her, wonder if they keep in touch?? At least he has his sister now.

annep1 Tue 18-Jun-19 22:11:44

Oh Avor2 that is so so sad and they weren't the only ones.
Mawbroonsback what a choice to have to make.
We often talk about things being better in the past. But they weren't always.

paddyann Tue 18-Jun-19 22:26:50

I think we have to condemn the treatment in the convent run homes.Not just the cruelty to the mothers but the babies who were sold to rich families and the babies whose bodies were discovered quite recently in mass graves.

There is no excuse for any of that cruelty and I'm glad that the victims of some of the homes are being listened to and compensated ..not that money will take away the pain .I WAS raised Catholic and taught by nuns and in the main they were lovely caring women there was the odd one who was a nasty piece of work and who could be downright viscious towards pupils.It makes you wonder why they thought being a nun was the right route for them to take..or if as was rumoured many were pushed into by family.The "perfect" catholic families in the past had at least one son a priest and one daughter in the convent

.I can only imagine how much worse it would have been for a young pregnant woman who they believed was "bad " girl ..even if her pregnancy was by incest or in some cases the local priest.We need to not only condenm them Annie we need to make sure any that are still around are taken to court so their victims can get some justice.I recently saw a documentary about abuse in the Nazareth House childrens home ,there were men in their 60's weeping as they recalled the treatment they had to accept.They should be heard and the perpetrators should e remembered for what they were ,vile and inhumane using their god and religion as an excuse to torture and abuse innocents.Using the "it was another time" doesn't wash ....

paddyann Tue 18-Jun-19 22:28:50

Oh and just to show I dont have an anti catholic bias,we were friends with a Church of Scotland minister in the 70's who was jailed for abusing children too so it comes in all religions and all walks of life .

Anniebach Tue 18-Jun-19 22:36:02

I am not defending the Catholic Religion Bluebell ,just saying it was of it’s time , parents threw their pregnant daughters from their homes, what is more cruel than that?
and it was not only catholic families who disowned unmarried pregnant daughters .

I think we need to remember the disgrace an unmarried pregnant daughter was to her family , it was of it’s time.

BlueBelle Wed 19-Jun-19 02:56:27

Of course I realise it wasn’t only Catholic families Anniebach but they did play a big part and you expect better of a religion that is so very strictly anti abortion and anti contraception. Neitherv can we forgive and forget things because they were ‘of their time’ because then we have no reason to work hard at changing these wrongs
I found a few unmarried mothers in my family tree so many did find a way of keeping their children, and my lot were pretty poor agricultural labourers no silver spoons amongst them