Long Lost Family

It's always easy to make judgements I suppose, and we only ever get a snapshot of the family history on LLF. The mum last night did say she'd been in a violent marriage (relationship?) and it was felt that the twins weren't thriving in that environment, so perhaps they were actually taken into care rather than given up, but it was hushed up? Things were quite different back then and perhaps she felt she couldn't intrude on their lives after she 'abandoned' them? I don't know...

We've recently found out that one of DH's aunts had a child before she was married. I was terribly sympathetic and had a whole scenario worked out in my head about the torment she must have gone through giving up a baby, but actually it wasn't a baby she gave up and I'm horrified at how she treated that boy, who by all accounts was emotionally scarred his whole life. I knew her for many years and would never have thought it of her - I suspose you just don't know what goes on in other people's lives or why they behave the way they do.

In the 1970s I fostered babies from a week old who were to be adopted. Some came from quite poor homes and some from very good homes. One baby especially sticks in my mind . Her mother was in her 20s and a school teacher and it was her ( the mother's ) father who refused to allow her to bring this baby home . This was in the north of Scotland no Catholic influences there but strict Presbyterians . At one point the mother wanted us to keep the baby long term until she could have her but luckily she changed her mind. It would have broken my heart to refuse yet broken it to keep her for maybe years and then give her up. Happy to say she was adopted by two teachers who were over the moon to get her. I bet she turned into a bright little girl .I would love to know how she turned out as I would with all the babies . Only one was reclaimed by his mother who must have talked her family round .

I agree annsixty - I feel that Julie and the twins mum was not nearly as emotional as you would expect. Don't some people have complicated lives?

Poppyred I thought the same thing about Julie and the twins.
She had made no attempt to find them and poor Julie was the catalyst.
“They were such beautiful babies” “ I loved them so much”
I felt her life wasn’t as spoiled as other people’s have been by losing her children.

I have sometimes felt the same about other mothers who have been found, it is the ones searching who have such anguish.

I wake up in the morning and think "Oh good it's Long Lost Family today" and then I cry throughout it! What is that about?

I always watch the programme. I am one of three sisters. The only legitimate one!!! Well I have known my eldest sister for many years but now looking for the younger one. “I” have been seen many times locally twice by eldest son who approached her thinking it was me! Whether it will come to anything I do not know.

Did anyone see last night’s episode? Julie found her Mum but she was more interested in the twins that she gave away...I felt. Poor Julie.

Yes annepl there was no practical help, now there is, very few babies are adopted now.

I can clearly remember ‘ she got herself pregnant ‘. ‘he had to marry her’, it was society attitude to unmarried mothers .

Oh dear. That's not what I was saying. I am sure many homes did a good job and treated mothers kindly. We just don't hear about them. But there was no practical help for mothers to keep their babies. There should have been.
We are all responsible for making sure everyone is treated right.

BlueBell in Scotland, Wales, England and Ireland the
Catholic Church played a big part in unmarried pregnant
women being disowned by their parents ? The Anglican Church and the Salvation Army didn’t have homes for unmarried mothers ?

It was of it’s time, as was many, many couples forced into marriage because of the shame of it’s time.

How many mothers in this programme gave up their babies
because they couldn’t afford to keep them ? They were not
all from Catholic families. Not all pregnant because of rape
by priests.

One woman in one programme this week and the church and Nun attacks start .

Of course I realise it wasn’t only Catholic families Anniebach but they did play a big part and you expect better of a religion that is so very strictly anti abortion and anti contraception. Neitherv can we forgive and forget things because they were ‘of their time’ because then we have no reason to work hard at changing these wrongs
I found a few unmarried mothers in my family tree so many did find a way of keeping their children, and my lot were pretty poor agricultural labourers no silver spoons amongst them

I am not defending the Catholic Religion Bluebell ,just saying it was of it’s time , parents threw their pregnant daughters from their homes, what is more cruel than that?
and it was not only catholic families who disowned unmarried pregnant daughters .

I think we need to remember the disgrace an unmarried pregnant daughter was to her family , it was of it’s time.

Oh and just to show I dont have an anti catholic bias,we were friends with a Church of Scotland minister in the 70's who was jailed for abusing children too so it comes in all religions and all walks of life .

I think we have to condemn the treatment in the convent run homes.Not just the cruelty to the mothers but the babies who were sold to rich families and the babies whose bodies were discovered quite recently in mass graves.

There is no excuse for any of that cruelty and I'm glad that the victims of some of the homes are being listened to and compensated ..not that money will take away the pain .I WAS raised Catholic and taught by nuns and in the main they were lovely caring women there was the odd one who was a nasty piece of work and who could be downright viscious towards pupils.It makes you wonder why they thought being a nun was the right route for them to take..or if as was rumoured many were pushed into by family.The "perfect" catholic families in the past had at least one son a priest and one daughter in the convent

.I can only imagine how much worse it would have been for a young pregnant woman who they believed was "bad " girl ..even if her pregnancy was by incest or in some cases the local priest.We need to not only condenm them Annie we need to make sure any that are still around are taken to court so their victims can get some justice.I recently saw a documentary about abuse in the Nazareth House childrens home ,there were men in their 60's weeping as they recalled the treatment they had to accept.They should be heard and the perpetrators should e remembered for what they were ,vile and inhumane using their god and religion as an excuse to torture and abuse innocents.Using the "it was another time" doesn't wash ....

Oh Avor2 that is so so sad and they weren't the only ones.
Mawbroonsback what a choice to have to make.
We often talk about things being better in the past. But they weren't always.

I must say I am obsessed - it must be so hard to give up a child but back in the day life was so different. I remember when I was in hospital after having my DS 45 years ago there was a lovely girl who was 16 and just had her baby, she was unmarried but had a really lovely boyfriend who wanted to keep the baby with her BUT the authorities thought better of it and took the baby away. It was one of the most distressing things I have seen the day they came for the baby. Their hearts were broken. I often wonder how things worked out for her.

Yes the little Irish lady was beautiful, I was so happy she found her daughter , whereas the other woman in America I found her a bit odd, but glad that her son found his half sister and her, wonder if they keep in touch?? At least he has his sister now.

My half brother was adopted as a baby as the man his birth mother had married (presumably for security) had refused to bring another man’s baby. We only “found” each other 5 years ago but apparently the resemblance is striking!
My own father never knew about the baby I believe, the result of a wartime romance in London shortly before he was posted abroad,. And he and my mother didn’t meet until 6 years later at the end of the war.
Unlike some of the people on TV we felt no particular “connection” when we first met as we had no shared experiences, but I have grown very fond of him since.

I'm just glad that nowadays there are benefits to help (and I know the system isn't perfect) and that unmarried mothers aren't treated like social pariahs.

Anniebach I respect you for defending the catholic religion but they were often awful, cruel and uncaring in the way those babies were taken from young single mums have you read or watched Philomena, it was so cruel I ve never read anything about the Sally Army being cruel but a lot about the nuns especially in Ireland
I went to school with nuns and they were lovely so I m not anti nun or anti catholic but the treatment, even for those times was wrong

Anniebach it's good that there were homes although as we know the homes weren't all good and women were treated very badly in some. But I don't think it's wrong to condemn a society that couldn't be more compassionate to unmarried mothers. To have to give up your child must have been unimaginably painful.

I love this programme. I think I have watched it since the very first series. Last night was the first time I thought the mum who went off to America didn't look really bothered. There wasn't any emotion shown by her.

We can’t condemn , it was how it was then. A single mother
couldn’t look after a baby and work, if their parents wouldn’t support then what else was there. The Salvation Army had mother and baby homes too, at least there was shelter and midwives to deliver the baby,

I caught this programme by accident. I cried for the lady who had been in a home run by nuns. Poor poor lady. Heartbreaking. I cried for all those people who had to give up their children and for the sad world that society had created leaving mothers to live their whole life coping with the dreadful loss. My heart goes out to them all. I don't think I would have the strength to watch this every week.

My father once told me that when he asked his mother if she had enjoyed a particular film, she said, ‘It was lovely. I cried all the way through.”.

I watched last night's programme and felt exactly the same about the woman who left her daughter with her granny to swan off to America with her new man.......having had another child adopted. I won't say what I was calling her as I realised what had gone on........it wasn't polite I can assure you.
Can anyone explain why I love this programme even though I sob throughout it?