channel4. docu' A Paedophile in my family.

silverlining48

Welcome to the club no one wants to belong to Why.
and yes it needs be talked about by people like Emily and like us to shed light on what has always been a dirty secret, which we kept for all manner of reasons.
Now it’s more in the open children know they will be believed. I thought I was the only one and when I told a friend who told her parents they said I was truly wicked fir making up such terrible things. I kept quiet fir another 20 years.

Sending love and strength to fight the good fight Silverlining Flowers 💐

FindingNemo15

If the mother was made to work longer hours to put food on the table, how come she said nothing and was not suspicious when he could afford to take the girl to New York a couple of times.

He was a Foster carer which is paid for. I am a survivor of abuse from a cousin.

Its not as straightforward as people would think for others to see the signs.

Others not wanting to believe it is another part of especially if it's a family member.

It's a very complex subject it's taken me years to find peace with though there has been other factors of physical abuse to deal with too as my father was violent.

I grew up and created by childhood in adult. Fortunately I broke the mould, finally got away and created a new, happy life for me and mine

Nyman1962

I suffered sexual abuse when I was 13 from a female "friend" of my mother's. When I told her and some others a few years later what had gone on, I was told that female sexual abuse was so rare that I had probably dreamt it up or fantasised about it.

Nyman1962. I am so sorry to hear that you suffered, it may or may not help but I believe that the traumas in life shape us in some way and despite being broken we do have a particular empathy that those who have not been traumatised do not know. I bet that you have been able to help lots of folk through difficulties because you have a sense of how that might feel. I’m not saying that others cannot be empathetic but you truly know. Blessings.

I was horrified that when my relative was convicted of child abuse of a young child, the judge insisted that we were not allowed to name him in the media. He said that as it was his first offence (over years!), he was not allowed to be named. I know it wasn't his first offence as he had abused his young child and as he can't be named, any other offences can't come to light if people don't think they'll be believed. He was a charismatic man of whom my immediate reaction was, "No, never him." But it was. I'd love a programme to be made about him especially as he moved a couple of hundred miles away so nobody would know.
I wasn't believed about my abuse by the Dr, or my mother and the house mistress knew but she never said anything to anyone once the Dr didn't believe me.
These things are still happening, the public need to know what to look for, how to help and always being alert.

For those who wonder why this wasn’t picked up, it was not a subject openly discussed until the 80s and was completely off the radar for most/all people.

There was nowhere to go for help. I spoke to a GP in the 80s who was was absolutely horrified. His response? ‘no father would do that to his child’.
So that was that, there I was, telling lies again .

In my years as a social worker I came across a number of colleagues who had experienced familial abuse. It’s strange how we had felt drawn to that work .
Nyman it is rare for women to abuse but it happens in some circumstances.
for all (and let’s show the bu..ers they don’t win.)

Yes, silverlining48, in the mid 70's my GP told the 6th Formers who took me to the surgery that "teenaged girls often make these things up!" I heard him and knew that there was no point in saying anything more.

I should have also said that it gave wings to what I had been told by the abuser that nobody would believe me over him.

I am full of admiration for this brave lady. Conversations like this have to be had otherwise misplaced shame and guilt will ensure that these vile perpetrators simply get away with it over and over again. The sentences should reflect the horror of this crime and the lifelong burden placed upon the child. We should also bear in mind that. it is something which can never be truly expiated, however long or harsh the punishment.

Coming from an ordinary background,but older and wiser in the ways of the world,I can feel nothing but sorrow and anger on behalf of you all,your stories need to be heard and believed that your innocence was abused and your lives tarnished,if not ruined.
Nanna8,I am sorry for whatever reason you feel unable to share your story,but denying that other people have been abused is the same as brushing under the carpet and denying sexual abuse in families exists.

I used to work for a grant giving charity which distributed funding to groups providing activities for children etc. As part of the grant giving process groups had to go on child protection training. As grants officer I had to facilitate this and attend to support groups as I was their main point of contact.

Some of the groups were really reluctant to attend. The trainer always used to say that if they understood how it happened and could recognise the warning signs then that helped them to protect children.

Paedophiles can be remarkably adept at hiding who they really are, if we as a society are more aware of the warning signs we can play a role in safeguarding children. Yes, these issues make difficult watching, but being uncomfortable and disgusted is a small price to pay if it plays a part in keeping a vulnerable person safe from harm.

SueBdoo70, I’m so sorry that your daughter was abused by her monstrous father. At least you realised what was going on. I hope she managed to put it behind her. Paedophilia is impossible for me to understand, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen sadly.

This documentary affected me hugely. Luckily I have no experienced this but my heart broke for this little girl. The thing that struck me was her thinking that she had taken her mother’s place. Absolutely heartbreaking. Yes, this does need to be shown the light of day and support given to any small child (or adult) believed and supported. I could not understand how mum didn’t know (as a mum of two girls myself). I can only imagine that it’s so far from your experience that it never occurs. Honestly, I wish I could make it better for her and the ladies here who have experienced it. I’m sorry people still want to sweep this under the carpet but they are so wrong.

silverlining me too. Lives with you forever. I applaud the young woman speaking out on the TV documentary. So common for it not to be noticed.

My Mum didn't know it was happening to me. By my father. I never told her either.

My friend didn't even tell her husband until both her parents were dead. She suspected that her mother did know and tried to talk to her about it but was shut down swiftly with 'We don't talk about these things'.

The really awful, heart breaking thing for me - was when she said that she believed all families were just like hers - throughout her entire childhood.

As an adult, she's incapable of ever trusting anyone, having been let down so badly by her parents.

I think even if the mother might have thought something might be not quite right with her daughter surely the very last thing that would cross a wife's mind is that her DH was abusing their daughter.
In one job I had I had to attend magistrates courts and did come across the beginnings of a similar case that was directed to the Crown Court. At the end of the brief hearing the father was surrounded by what looked like his wife and maybe older children who were all hugging and comforting him. Obviously didn't know the full facts but couldn't believe the support.

I watched this last night having read this thread, and found it incredibly moving. I too applaud the bravery of Emily to make the documentary.

The fact that she masked her suffering all the way through the abuse by smiling was shocking and showed how hard it must be for others (school staff, friends, family etc.) to know it was going on. I think this is an important message for all of us; a smiling child isn't always a happy one, and absences from school should raise the alarm and be followed through.

My heart goes out to all of you who experienced this terrible form of abuse from those who should have loved and protected you.

I watched it and thought the young lady was so brave to make the programme and was glad at the end that her and her mother could talk about it and come closer together.
I have never told a sole.

My father was surprised by my mother who saw what was happening. She took me to a relatives house immediately. In shock. We had to move to another part of the country as he didn't want to let go. I was 2 years old.

My creepy stepfather used to come into my bedroom after nightshift and stand there. I wasn't asleep, I'd wake as soon as his key hit the front door. I was terrified. I told my mother. It didn't happen again.

I thank God for my mother, who saved me more than once. She suffered for it though, believe me. All her life. Mine too.

My 'father' is dead, If he wasn't I'd personally go and punch his lights out [and more] for what he did to me and my family.

I have one person who understands me. That's all. I am a very shy, cautious and cynical person. But full of empathy for others.

Bluebird243 thanks for sharing your experience. It’s so good to see you and your mum are close x

Thank you from me too, Bluebird243. I have a father who I'd better not meet up a dark alley.

knspol I know someone who has stayed with their husband after he was caught abusing his grandchild from the age of 6 until she was 8. When challenged, she says he is a good man who has done something bad. It means her daughter and granddaughter not only had the worst experience you can imagine from a supposedly loving father/grandfather but they have lost the other parent/grandparent too. I can't imagine putting a paedophile before my children but it happens!

I was in my 30 s when I first spoke about it. My immediate family made it clear they would prefer to keep it a secret. I was fed up with secrets which I had kept all my life, but had a friend so was initially reluctant to tell her as I was so ashamed and embarrassed and really thought she would not want to be friends once she knew. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I have told the people I wanted to tell since then and never had s Negative response, nothing but sympathy and kindness.
Sf 101 the first time is the hardest but please talk to someone you trust , it really does help. Well I felt it helped me.
So many of us on here, it’s truly shocking. Love to you all xx

In my 40s I was suffering from depression and was referred to a counsellor. She asked about my childhood and I told her how I was abused . I hadn't spoken to anyone before about what had happened and vowed not to mention it again after the counsellors reaction. She started crying saying how shocked she was and that it upset her. I didn't see her again as the inner child knew I was doing something wrong by upsetting this lady.
My adult self thought I will shut the lid on the box of horrors in my brain and survive by never opening it again.

How brave of you Bluebird to post and to everyone else who has suffered so.
I have just watched the documentary. What a brave and strong young lady she is. What a gutlesss, selfish pig her father is.