channel4. docu' A Paedophile in my family.

I've yet to see it . I worked as a volunteer listener for years . I spoke to young people who were being abused . I know women who were abused , one by her father . My daughter has told her girls , no one touches your body except you , if they do you tell me or grandma . Maybe simple protective words from parents or teachers could help stop this . Just a few simple words that their body is theirs and not to be touched until when they grow older and fall in love or similar .

To the poster who thinks the programme is disgusting I wonder why she feels that so deeply , how does she think this should be dealt with .

Blossom you are not alone x

The most in interesting element of this documentary for me was Emily's mention of masking. I had learned of this behaviour recently from Chris Packham's recent programmes about autism but Emily's use of it made me realise it applied to me as well. I have mentioned elsewhere that a I had challenged teachers at an education conference when they said that troubled children, including those suffering abuse, could be identified because of their withdrawn or challenging behaviour, poor attendance, social isolation and performance at school and neglected appearance. I was well fed and dressed, had many friends and did very well at school and was first in my family to graduate from university. I tried to tell people what was happening at home three times. Once when I was about 5 and the woman told my mum that I was wicked and ungrateful when I had such a lovely family - didn't want to upset mum by telling her. As I got older I was afraid I would be taken into care and just wanted the abuse to stop. Dad had a massive breakdown when I was 11 and was in hospital for months, my mum produced my baby sister just before that and the sexual stuff stopped until I was 16 maybe because of the meds dad was on. We had to tread on eggshells, though because of his moods. Just to be on the safe side, I took my baby sister with me everywhere and any boyfriend had to accept that. My mum decided to go back to work when I was 15 and I told her that she would have to get a babysitter for my sister till I could get home from school and I told her why. I was shocked when she said "I thought something was going on" but she did find a babysitter and I hurried home from school every day and continued to take my sister with me everywhere even though she had terrible tantrums sometimes. Came a night when I ws 16 and dad came home in a strange mood goading us more than usual. It was when he come over the take the family cat off my lap that I realise he intended to rape me and was menacing my mother and sister if I did not comply. I threatened him with a knife, ran upstairs and locked myself in the loo to enable my mum and sister to escape while dad hammered on the door. My uncle came to get me and gave me a massive row for trapping myself in the house. We did not discuss the events of the night but next day I broke down in class and I was sent to the school nurse. This was the third person I told but she told me not to be a silly girl and to pull myself together sending me back to the class. The teacher sent me to the playground with my best friend who is the only person who listened to the whole story with great compassion. She had always included me in her wonderul family life and they gave me some normality.... Years later, when I was in my 30's, dad came to visit me when I was training in Social Worker. I had confided in a fellow student and he advised me to confront dad with what he had done. I followed his advice and dad apologised. I felt released from a great weight. By then, I was married with 2 children. The birth of our second, a boy, was followed by a massive breakdown and I was in hospital for a total of 3 months first with mania and then with depression where I was subjected to ECT. Despite all this DH and I have been in a supportive and loving relationship for 55 years! He gave up a fantastic job to move us far away from my parents after dad tried to take the credit for his appointment to the post! DH also supported me through my training and was a stay at home father so he was able to support me in my wonderful career. I know my experiences meant I could relate to people in dire circumstances often facing life changing challenges literally from the cradle to the grave. I have been angry with my mum who was otherwise a loving mother but she failed to protect me. I never had the conversation with her that Emily was able to have with her mother but I feel we understood each other. I am disappointed that nann8 feels that we should not tell our stories but I want people to know that it is possible to heal. I have been massively lucky in finding my soul mate, aged 17, but have major faults rooted in the abuse. I am massively controlling and only now, at 73, am beginning to let others decide and make arrangements. I am also hyper vigilant and overbearing but we all just laugh about it. BTW, my parents looked like film stars, literally - Lee Remick and a cross between Gregory Peck/Lawrence Olivier with a fantastic sense of humour in fact so I can understand why people would not believe me. I hope Emily and others who have disclosed their experiences on this thread find peace too.

kate1949,Iam64*,*silverlining48
Thank you for your understanding.

Seadragon, sending much love to you.
Could I please ask, do your family know why you are hyper vigilant and overbearing? I fully understand if you prefer not to answer

Seadragon ❤️

child abuse stretches far and wide,often wrecks lives.I used to work as a counsellor in the 90's and heard too many what are really horror stories.I watched the program and wept at times.
The truth is nothing can really be done to prevent it.The dark side of the human condition.

My childhood friend's husband sexually abused his stepdaughter. The stepdaughter did not want to upset her mother so said nothing until she was in her twenties, when she felt she had to speak out. When this girl told her mother, she was not believed. Unbelievably sad.

It later turned out that the man had also been sexually abusing others in his care and eventually, one told the authorities and the man has been charged. No sentence yet.

There is still a huge gulf between the mother who still, to this day, sticks by her husband and her poor daughter.

I love my friend but am unable to continue a relationship with her due to her behaviour with her daughter, whom I believe implicitly.

I believe after hearing details of this family, that there could well be far more similar cases than we know of. People don't like to acknowledge sexual abuse for many reasons. Such a sad situation.

I don’t agree nothing can be done to prevent it. We need society better educated about child sexual abuse. We need to empower children and listen and watch
We need to accept some men are deviants, attracted to children. They need locking up as the evidence to date indicates their sexual preferences are fixed

I suffered sexual abuse when I was 13 from a female "friend" of my mother's. When I told her and some others a few years later what had gone on, I was told that female sexual abuse was so rare that I had probably dreamt it up or fantasised about it.

Maybe i should have said stop it,not prevent it.Most abuse happens in the home behind closed doors.Abusers often very devious, I don't see how it can be stopped sadly.

Love to you Seadragon and congratulations on your brave survival. Xx

So tragic and sad that there’s a slice of humanity that is mentally disturbed, deranged (whatever you want to call it) but it’s everywhere worldwide.

I wonder if it will only get worse or if these things can be conquered. It’s like an endless loop. There never seems to be enough “resources” to deal with these tragedies. So it continues…

I don't believe my father was mentally disturbed or deranged. He was totally self absorbed. Although I didn't suffer sexual abuse as such, I believe one of my siblings did. I believe taking a young child to a dentist and allowing him to take all her teeth out is abuse. Am I right?
I upset my father when I was 11. I did something that he saw as tarnishing his image. He beat me up badly. We regularly witnessed our mother and sister being beaten, people knocking the door to tell us 'your dad's lying on the pavement with blood on him'. He would get into fights to prove how macho he was.
To this day, I am a frightened, nervous person. People ask me why I'm so scared of everything. Well this is why. Of course I don't tell them.

The thing that disturbed me the most was that the father referred to his daughter as a sexual child. It’s beyond me how a small child could ever be perceived as sexual.

nanna8

Well that is what I call scraping the bottom of the barrel to show something like that. Disgusting.

No-one forced you to watch it did they`?

IMO it is highly necessary to show this kind of documentary, as abuse of children is frequently not noticed until the child is old enough and brave enough to mention it to someone who actually believes her or him.

No parent or teacher should be unaware of the signs of an abused child, but sadly many are.

As a teacher I was told twice by a head teacher that there was no cause for alarm, in cases where it later transpired that my suspicions had been correct.

Many teachers, myself included, have been forced to report suspicions of abuse anonymously after being told by a superior not to interfere!

As a pushing 60 year old who was abused by my father I am truly grateful that people like Emily can speak out. I haven’t seen this documentary yet, and though I’m not sure that I am able to I will try. Events in ones lives such as these, damage people for good, there is always a feeling of what did I do wrong, self loathing, low self esteem and forever trying to be everything to everyone and never quite believing that you’re loved and valued. I do hope that the more people like Emily speak out the more people feel empowered to say it happen to me or more importantly perhaps it is happening to me. Long gone should be the days of sweeping it under the carpet. The elephant is always in the room. Love and blessings to all who have suffered in any way at the hands of a bully.

Welcome to the club no one wants to belong to Why.
and yes it needs be talked about by people like Emily and like us to shed light on what has always been a dirty secret, which we kept for all manner of reasons.
Now it’s more in the open children know they will be believed. I thought I was the only one and when I told a friend who told her parents they said I was truly wicked fir making up such terrible things. I kept quiet fir another 20 years.

bazza its the same when they say "child prostitute" there is no such thing..its an abused child.Though even on here there are those who insist "some" girls know what they're doing

I would never watch a program like that. Full stop. I have private reasons for this and it is not something I wish to share. I think those who set up such programs should have a long,hard look at themselves and,no, I am not ‘in denial’.

Think you have made that perfectly clear.

Nanna8, I respect that for you it’s not something you want to expose yourself to for whatever reason and that is clearly right for you but for me part of my ongoing therapy is a mission to ensure that victims have the voice that I didn’t. I was too scared especially as other family members knew full well what was going on. We lived in a different time then, I feel now we must ensure that the voice of victims of abuse of any kind is loud and dare I say proud so that the owned shame is on the perpetrators not the victim. Just my opinion of course.

That's where I struggled
He took daughter on holidays Mum stayed at home to work she would be entitled to work holidays
Looks like no vigilance here by Mother to me . I was very close and main carer to my children and also worked as did hubby ....

I would like to attempt a reply to Bazza when you write ‘ It’s beyond me how a small child could ever be perceived as sexual. ‘ I realised my own daughter was being abused as a toddler. I believe that the grooming process is a long and a patient process and it probably started from birth. Her father made it into a game, I don’t want to go into too much detail, but my daughter enjoyed ‘ the game ‘ so much so that she wanted to continue this at home. Now her father would say she was a sexual child, when in reality she had been sexualised by him. I confided in his ex-wife, who I knew and asked if she had ever had concerns about her daughters. She had and their 18 year old daughter was still, voluntarily sleeping with her father 2 nights a week. She could not support me and my daughter openly, as she said she was not as brave as me. He also supported them very well financially. Of course I contacted social services, who were very supportive. However, he took me to court every year until she was 16 to regain access. He employed some pretty misogynistic lawyers and ‘Experts ‘ but my daughter didn’t want to see him by this time. ( Long story ) The process nearly broke me, but my daughter has grown into a wonderful, kind and extremely successful young woman. So let’s keep talking about these issues.

💔