"This book will make you..." Q&A

Tegan. Sounds alright to me.

Anything to help stay asleep all night would be great. Had this problem since teenage years so have tried lots of other 'cures' but willing to try more!

I could do with one each of these books! Like others I have tried the self help books in the past but to no avail. I don't sleep (I mean REALLY don't sleep - I am often awake all night). I think this lack of sleep is probably the reason I sometimes get impatient. I have always lacked confidence and used to rely on DH when in social situations - now I am alone I have to force myself to go out otherwise I would spend the day sitting on the sofa, eating chocolates and crisps and playing around on the laptop!

So do you think I am a hopeless case, why do you think your books are any different from the other self help books I have read, and which one would you recommend? Also, why have so many different books, could you not have included all the problems in one book?

i'm with you MindfulGrandma and I'm offering tips about it to my son who is going through a very tricky time in his relationship with his partner. I get anxious about things sometimes, as we all do and it gets out of control and leads to depression with me (two elderly parents both with dementia living together at home and my husband and I the only carers at present) but I was on anti depressants for 14 years and have now almost come off them (awful cold turkey) so I haven't got that prop and I needed a way of coping with the anxiety and that's when I found mindfulness/meditation. Visualisation is also very good. But in bed when I can't sleep I do a breathing exercise where I imagine I breathe in through a hole in th stop of my head, take the breath right down through my body and out through the soles of my feet then inhale back up through the soles of my feet and out through the top of my head and so on. I find just doing that for a few breaths really calms me down. I got it from a mindfulness/meditation book with cd. It's a distraction technique really but makes you breathe more deeply which in itself is a physical calming tool.

Any tips like the above are very very helpful and can be life lines when you're going through stressful times. I'm open to any good ones!

It has been quite helpful and reassuring reading the messages here. I have been prone to bouts of mild depression and anxiety all my life but now feel more confident about sharing this; I used to think that it was a weakness and that I should be 'in control'. I fall asleep very, very easily but clock watch on and off all night and am always up at any time from 5 am. The only way I have coped with this is to 'embrace' these early hours and enjoy the peace and solitude while 'doing things' on the computer. Ruby Wax says that she has turned her life around by practising 'mindfulness' and I think this is an area I want to explore this year.

I too have read numerous self-help books.I became ill after nursing my late Father for 5 years and have lost all my confidence. I live alone and do a little voluntary work-'Walking for Health'which helps, but winter evenings are the worst.I have tried mindfulness and meditation which does help but I really should set aside time every day.I watched Michael Mosley's programmes on ageing well and have his 5:2 diet book--I jusy can't seem to stick to my plans!

i am never very sure about any book/person who claims to provide the key to happiness

As i understand the word happy it is an episodic and occasional emotion, that comes when things are specially propitious, DGS telling me that if the dragon on Dragon Hill that ate Mummies and Daddies ate his mummy and daddy (dont ask!) DH and I would have to be his mummy and daddy and look after him.

To me content is the emotion that sustains one long term. It is the feeling you get when to quote, I forget who, you have the ability 'to change those things that can be changed, accept those that cannot be changed and have the wisdom to know the difference'

My 13 year old son has started having trouble sleeping and is making himself anxious about it which is becoming a vicious circle. Any tips?

I would certainly be interested in the happy book
Not that I am not 'happy' but I have noticed that I am getting more anxious as the years roll on and I have no real reason to be, and do not live as much in the moment as I should.
I would like to nip these habits in the bud, toxic thoughts I think one gransnetter has called them in other posts.
A close member of my family has benefitted from CBT in the past so I know it is a very useful practise.
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Having had the most traumatic two years of my life, I have 'lost my way' and would appreciate any advice and tips. So many bad things have happened that it's difficult to find the strength to carry on even when you know people are relying on you. It would be good to have someone or something to turn to.

Hello ladies. I am one of the many ladies of a certain age who finds herself stuck in the sandwich generation. I am a wife, a grandma (and part time carer to my three young grandchildren aged 7, 5 and 4). I have a very sick mum who relies on me quite a lot for shopping and hospital visits (and more often than not entertainment too), a depressed dad (see previous) and an almost 98 year old grandma (see previous times by 100 and then add some).
My husband and I run a small engineering company between us and I very rarely have a minute to call my own. I am sleeping very badly and always have a million things running through my mind which all seem to come to a head in the early hours. I know that I cannot change my situation and would like to learn how to relax and sleep better. I have no problem falling asleep and do so as soon as my head hits the pillow but more often than not I wake up after only a couple of hours with my mind racing and seem to lie there hour after hour unable to go back to sleep. Any advice would be most welcome. Thank you.

I wish I could stop always going into worst case scenario mode about almost everything; I've reached the stage where I feel any optimistic/positive thoughts are unlucky and as long as I'm worrying nothing bad will actually happen [the worry is my hair shirt/penance]. Also realise that post Christmas blues are linked to eating too much. Had eating problems when I was younger [never up to anorexia levels thank goodness] but still feel that eating [or not eating] is a form of control and I only feel happy when I'm eating well. I can [and do] laugh at myself for it, so it doesn't take over my life, but I still wish I could break the mould somehow. I know exactly what to say to someone else that's having negative thoughts, but can't do it myself!

I am the wrong side of 50 and have never read a selfhelp guide- time I tried one as trying new things stops you getting old and stuck in your ways quite so fast!

I would love to try the book on sleep,I have terrible insomnia at the age of 59,although I have rarely suffered before.I think that self-help books are interesting and have found meditation useful but there are many different approaches to solving problems.Not all of them will work for everyone but all of them will work for someone.How many people read this type of book,get excited by the ideas and then expect a miraculous "cure" without actually putting the ideas into practice?
Just reading the book is not going to change anyone's life and I think that is often the reason that people think they don't "work".Self-help starts with making positive changes and maintaining them.

Can I chip in too, at the risk of being boring? I've been struggling for decades with anxiety and depression, on and off, though the last 8-10 years it's been more on than off. Several therapy courses later, I am still struggling. I am currently 9 months into an 18month MBT programme (Mentalisation-Based therapy) which doesn't help at all but I am being encouraged to continue nevertheless. I feel like a rabbit in headlights at the moment. Am also taking Mirtazapine which does help a little, but in the last couple of days I've slipped right down again, despite my efforts to 'think positive/grateful' (and I know I have a lot to be thankful for). Like jinglebellrocks, I have many self-help books....I do feel that Mindfulness would ultimately help but I struggle with keeping up the practices and lapsed several months ago. I'd like to re-start, but the negative voices say 'What's the point? Nothing helps....' Not exactly Mindful thinking!
I don't seek 'happiness' as such, but rather the absence of anxiety and depression - just to feel OK with myself and my life would be enough for me.
To those who regularly practise Mindfulness - which book did/do you find most helpful? I have several on the subject, keep going from one to another depending on how I'm feeling (anxious, depressed), but that's not going to get me anywhere, I know!

I underwent a course of CBT 14 years ago, and another poor attempt with the IAPT recently. I do believe that if the therapy is used at first diagnosis that it is probably really helpful, but I had already suffered from chronic depression, anxiety and insomnia (it is 10am now, and I haven't slept yet, and won't do now) for at least 20 years before any referral.
What would you suggest for someone whose thought patterns are so ingrained, that even when I try to change them and think positively, there's a little voice inside laughing at me telling me I'm wrong.
I have been on medication for the last 24 years when I turned 18 and went to the doctors because I'd never fitted in and thought the same as others at school, and had have had numerous breakdowns.
Ant help is gratefully received.

I would love to know how to be more confident/less anxious/ stress free. At the age of 50 I completed my first formal educational qualification a BSc from the OU, 3 years later I graduated with an MSc in Social work. At the age of 54 I became a newly qualified social worker in a C&F team. I love my job and I knew it would be stressful but never imagined how that would actually translate in real life. I struggle with the thought that I may have entered this demanding profession too late in life but hate to think that the time and effort spent in study may be wasted. Maybe the one on confidence would be most appropriate

I'd love help towards becoming more confident and less stressed - my workload at the office seems to be ever increasing, which may be just because I'm not handling it right, and even my assistants bully me.

There's an interesting pull out into to mindfulness in today's Times that I think I might try. I've read a lot about mindfulness but not really tried it out before

What strikes me is that there are so very many of us (in our late 50's/early 60's) who suffer from chronic insomnia (dropping off easily but soon wide awake again and then on-off for the rest of the night) and chronic anxiety - with the symptons to go with it. But, of course, we are so often coping with not only working or just retired, but also supporting husbands, looking after grandchildren on a regular basis and also caring for elderly parents - who can be very demanding, often not well and often not appreciative. It is no wonder so many of us feel as if we are sinking rapidly under a mountain of stress and demands.
However, I am finding it is a comfort to know "it is not just me" feeling like this - rightly or wrongly, I find it really helpful to know that many of you are feeling as I do. And I do find it helps to talk to friends in a similar situation, even if it is just so that we can moan together. I just wish there was a magic cure for us all: but I think all we can do, as a friend of mine says, is to breathe deeply, take another breath and stagger on!

I am sure that a book on how to stay calm ( or indeed be calm in the first place ), would be of great help to me. After retiring from nursing due to a job related illness, I find that I become really stressed and anxious in the most (in my opinion) ridiculous circumstances. I used to be so confident and outgoing. I was a District Nurse for many years, and always ready to give help and support to all of my patients. Due to a back injury at work I had to take early retirement. I went down the road of compensation, but that in itself became extremely stressful. I get really worked up about everything. I always used to feel in control of things, but now I just don't. I feel that I have just given myself a self help counselling session. Let's hope it helps!!

I Lead a very busy life like most folks today, part-time job, Grandchildren to childmind. I also fit in time to exercise and look after myself physically, watch that I eat as healthy as possible, try to manage the effects of onset of Menopause so why? why?why? when my head finally hits the pillow (silk of course to help bedhead hair and prevent wrinkles), freshly laundered sheets, light supper, dark room, warm bath, quiet meditation does the brain switch into the whirly swirly dance around mode with thoughts and worries popping up from nowhere to be tossed about for hours before sleep finally pays a visit??

Hi Spidergran. Not very surprised that you can't sleep. Stop stressing ( I didn't know that silk bedclothes reduced wrinkles).I change our bedclothes twice a week. We eat healthily.We have three grandchildren, who throughout the week look after for four days. I have a disability issue. If you are so lucky to look after your life as it is it must be wonderful.

One of my problems is that I can do 'what if ...?' so much better than 'oh for goodness sake, so what .....?' scenarios, if you know what I mean. So comforting to know that I am not the only person in the country beset by anxiety over most things. I think, too, I must have missed my vocation as a world class actress because I know I give the impression of confidence personified. Friends are always saying how well I cope and how organised and sensible I am. Hah! If only they knew the wimp that's really me. And ten to three in the morning is quite the worst time to try to resolve any problem, real or imagined - and mostly my problems are imagined. The real problem is that I have many blessings (and that's a contradiction in terms!) but can't seem to appreciate how really lucky I am. I do try though!

I've just had a conversation with my daughter and remember what being in my forties was like - all the stress and worries! She could really do with this book - or failing that a fairy godmother to wave a wand and make it all better!